Thursday, December 22, 2005

Two for Tea?

So, the email to Ex didn't go over well. I'm not really that jazzed to have any communication with her at all, but she apparently doesn't want an email. She wants me to come to her house and face her eye to eye. Of course I am phrasing that much nicer...to truly communicate her invitation I'd have to use some pretty ugly words in between every other noun.

I'm not thinking that's such a good idea. One, her past voicemails and emails smack of nothing more than name-calling and threats. So, how would she control herself in person? I'm not afraid of her, but I see only bad things in her losing control in my face.

So, I'm declining the invite.

I spoke to my new step-mother last night about the situation and she had some good insight. Additionally, she pep talked me by saying that while it was nice for me to be apologetic, it would be stupid for me to be a doormat and I had to put my foot down on the harassment and name calling.

Ultimately, I am just going to leave her alone. PC will have to deal with her.

Speaking of PC...wow!

I'm not a morning person, but he wakes me with such a smile! This morning, the alarm sounded and he grabbed me and pulled me close with a sleepy "C'mere!" and just cuddled against me. Every morning I notice his pillows have migrated to my side of the bed because he moves closer and closer to me in the night.

I told PC I wished I could give him a gift this year for Christmas. He said that I gave him 'me' and he was giving me 'him'. Appropriate, really.

I may have to insist on a bow though...

Finally, my Christmas has changed up a bit. Santa is going to treat me to a holiday after all. Christmas Eve will find PC and I at a huge party by my new step-mom's family (about 100 people) and Christmas Day has now ended up in PC and I hosting Christmas Dinner for my dad, step-mom, sister and her boyfriend and possibly 2 of PC's old friends. I'm so excited! I've never done Christmas dinner before and the idea makes me all tingly inside! Granted we have only a card table at the moment for a dining room table, but I think we can make it work with some ingenuity...

I guess the spirit is catching up to me more than I thought it could. And while I still wish I could buy gifts for my family, I am so lucky to have them around me that day.

And I got the best gift of all in PC...

My mother is absent again. I'm really sad over it this time. The estate was settled from her father's death and her evil sister finally settled up with the money she stole from my mother. Now, my mom had always said that when this happened she was going to share it with me because my grandfather's initial wishes had been to have me inherit as well. He considered me the 4th daughter. Well, I learned that mom got $17,000 a few weeks ago from this. And she's keeping it secret. More than that, she is avoiding me. I haven't mentioned knowing and truthfully I haven't expected it, but it hurts that she chose to deal with it by hiding and avoiding me. I admit that I hoped because having just lost everything I owned in the Hurricane it would have helped tremendously...but...

More than that, mom isn't planning to see me or SG for Christmas (even though she lives 3 minutes away). No, she's not traveling. She just isn't interested, I guess. I called her and she's avoiding my calls.

I try and try to cut myself off from her and then some glimmer of hope rises and I end up trying to have a relationship with her again. I get burned every time. Stupid...

EH and I are cool, but civil. There are no more "hugs" when we greet or part. He's withdrawn from me, and I can understand it. EH has his secrets too. He just doesn't know that I know about them. Interesting stuff. I'd venture to say there's been a tad of hypocrisy on his side too...but, neither here nor there.

All I want is PC and I've been promised that this is exactly what I'll get!

Posted by Red :: 8:43 AM :: | ---------------------------------------