The Odd Wife

Sunday, July 31, 2005

And Something Else New

Finally the dust has settled next door and our Landlady's family has collected or sold off most of her possessions. One good thing was when our curious daughter went next door yesterday to look in on the action and she pointed out that amongst the trinkets they had for sale were some items we had given as presents over the years. The daughters made a point of removing those so they could bring them up to her in the home where she is now ensconced. Now both her place and the efficiency next to it are barren. TOW was surprised by how sad she felt towards the reality of her absence, and today we came back from dinner to see darkened windows and a small parking lot now looming large with only our car occupying a space. Not all is morose around here though, as we found a good thing as well.

Our weekend has been a relaxing one, something we both needed. Friday night was spent at some dive of a bar with workmates. Think of MOE'S from The Simpsons, lacking some of the charm. This hole was where I first met the crowd, and our boss, a few weeks back. Numerous times I had people apologizing about the place ahead of time but it wasn't required. I have always held an enjoyment for those dank bins where our social underbelly creeps in for alcoholic sanctuary. Not all the time mind you, but occasionally nothing is more fun than a dive bar. (Proper frame of mind is required.) The LAZERQUEST game was fun, save for the moment I nearly paralyzed myself. I was creeping along a wall watching point when some urchin came racing in front of me, so I threw myself back against the wall to avoid getting shot--except there was no longer a wall behind me. I fell straight back, landing square on my tailbone. So there I lay, in the dark, for a few minutes, barely able to move. And rather than try helping myself I'm prostrate with my gun drawn trying to keep from getting shot. Every so often today I'll move and wince from my broke ass.

Last night we had a torrid time with The Odd One once again wishing us a long night of passion. At least it went longer than the previous. We have found that one sure way to have her explode is when she goes down on me she will also employ her favorite toy at the same time. I always love it when she has an orgasm, hard as it may be sometimes, but even so last night she climaxed rather quickly. Then when she climbs atop with a body in full ardor it never takes me long after that.

Tonight we managed to continue the fun. In the 4+ years we have lived here the two of us have never had the chance to make love outside. A busy downtown area and a main road make for little privacy, and our courtyard, while offering some fenced protection, was always risky because of tenants. We once tried earlier this year and even as we creeped out at 2:00 am we still caused our neighbor to stir. Tonight though it was different. TOW implied it would be something of a quick round of fellacio, but before too long we were both naked and romping in the dark. Privacy has its rewards.

Posted by The Even Husband :: 11:14 PM :: |
Good Night...

The day went well...a little 'back-to-school' shopping for SG, a game of Laser Tag, a buffet dinner with friends and home in time to watch a DVD with EH before some seriously sensational sex.

Could you ask for more on a Saturday?

I've gone back to corset training. I love when EH laces me into a corset. I walk around with the tightness enveloping me and the laces tight against my skin and feel as if EH is 'holding' me. EH loves the look of me laced tightly into a corset and it gives me a bit of a thrill to please him like this. Corsetry has a place in Dom/Sub relationships where 'he who controls the stays, controls the wearer', but that's not the case here. EH remains an unwavering partner. Still, the practice of him lacing me up with all his strength and walking about with a non-stop reminder of his work pleases me.

I the midst of all these changes. Like something is lacking in my life. I just don't know what "it" is right now.

Restless is not a good thing for me. I have a tendency to be extreme. I get restless and I get a tattoo or become a burlesque dancer or something strange. I need extremes to briefly quench the feeling.

I wish I knew the cure.

Any ideas?

Posted by Red :: 12:07 AM :: |

Saturday, July 30, 2005


A weekend has never been so welcomed as this one.

After a grueling week of working, we capped the week with a night out with our co-workers for a bit. There's a dive bar that the group likes to frequent on Friday nights and we joined in the fun. Played pool, watched karaoke, threw back a few cocktails and chattered on.

I brought out the tarot cards and flashed them at my extremely religious co-workers, having already confessed to being Pagan to them, and became Madame Odd Wife as I read one person after another. Without a clue, I deadnailed every reading. For some bizarre reason, I read better after a few cocktails. I think it suppresses my inhibitions and allows me to trust my instincts more.

I freaked my boss out with back to back dead accurate reads and made a grown man sob openly as I related his life to him. I tapped into a withdrawn co-worker's pain and by night's end, no one was going to doubt that I had something with my deck of cards. I left that night knowing there was a new side of me revealed to them and felt good about it.

And EH serenaded me at karaoke - something completely out of character for him! He sang Blink 182's "I Miss You" to me. We love it because even as a 'dark' song, it seems to represent so many facets of 'us'. Especially the "we can live like Jack and Sally" line (from Nightmare Before Christmas).

Today finds us running out for a few outfits for back-to-school bound SG and later tonight we regroup with our co-workers for Laser Tag. I feel good.

Our landlady's daughters have emptied her place out with an Estate Sale today and I admit to breaking into tears as I watched the items carted off. A trinket we had bought her for Christmas, a memento she had loved, her furniture - - - I never expected I would miss that old lady, but I do. A chapter of our life is ending, even as a new one begins.

Money is not a problem for the first time...well, ever. EH and I are both doing great and have no time to spend it. We'll be searching for a new place to live as quickly as possible. Both of us feel strongly that the future holds good things for us.

The feeling in the air is tangible.

The things that were our life are changing and fading into the past. We're still finding the future and I believe it will be great. With change though, always comes chance and I can't help wonder at so many new dimensions to our life. I admit it worries me just a touch, even as I enjoy the ride.

We're becoming something new and I can only pray it will not change "us" to a point of losing the magical rhythm we have shared together for so long.

Posted by Red :: 1:33 PM :: |

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Tales from Hump Day

I would love to tell you tales of EH and I, sweat slicked and breathless. Details on two needy bodies coming together with minds lost to the passion of the moment. That moment of sweet shock upon penetration, or the feel of taking him into my mouth.

I would love to describe the frantic increase in our movements as we rose to climax. To remember our brows pressed together, panting, eyes closed, bodies shivering...

...but I can't. It was a blur. After so much time without a moment to play naughty, we raced to the finish line with record breaking time. We just couldn't control ourselves. Hopefully this weekend will allow for more languid playtime worthy of a post.

Work continues to dominate our lives, but in an increasingly good way. EH is impressing folks left and right - bonding with "the guys", dazzling the boss - you name it. I'm still proud of running the best damned department in the place. We're both making new friends that seem like people we're going to really enjoy spending time with. We're all going out to blow off some steam tomorrow. Saturday, we're all planning to go play Laser Quest.

I'm ready for the weekend...! Even if it will include mixing work in.

Posted by Red :: 10:29 PM :: |

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


It's no ordinary "Hump Day" there seems to be a tangible sexual vibe in the air, doesn't there?

Inanna transported my already smutty thoughts with her post today. Sex lives were the focus of a talk at work today and, frankly, after a week of no action - I am a bit...needy.

EH and I have exchanged a few looks and touches, so I know that my chances are good. Poor EH, I've been flirted with, danced with, neglected and now the mood I am in is going to require some serious stamina from him!

Work is still hectic, but we made it home early again. I might even have a moment to discuss it! My department is humming along and with issues company-wide, my department is the only one that is set up and operating smoothly. My staff works as a team and we spend a whole day laughing and helping each other. I'm so proud...

The office is really volatile. Want a run-down?

How about the new Ops Officer who is inspirational, but still waging her battles to get the entire office on board? The forms Ops Mgr who is secretly power-playing behind her back and trying to draw sides? The QC employee who complains non-stop and keeps criticizing me behind my back out of some bizarre jealousy (I'm putting a stop to that shit first thing in the morning)? The unhappily married Playboy (my dance partner) who is toying with the young and naive girl (a friend of mine) and playing with fire?

There are some fascinating dynamics keeping the place from being dull - but the weird thing is that it works. Somehow, the chemistry is nearly perfect and we all really do get on well. We spend time together at work and we make plans to see each other after as well. It's awesome. The few miserable people don't drag us down, they just sit sadly out of the fun and each day take a step closer to their own demise.

But enough about work. I am going to get off this blog and then get off with my very sexy husband. I plan to give, give, give and then I am going to take all he can muster.

I miss the days of describing it to you in great detail...we'll see if I can get a few minutes to tell you alllllllllll about it.

In the meantime....thank you all for being you. For reading, for commenting, for linking - everything. It feels so special to have your attention for a minute or two!

Posted by Red :: 8:31 PM :: |

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Moving & Shaking

Work, work, work. That's it. Work, work, work. Last night I worked until 2:30 am without a lunch break or eating dinner. When EH tried to wake me for work this morning, I threatened his life 7 different ways, swore I would fire him and insisted I was demoting him to janitor. It wasn't pretty.

Both EH and I are excelling. I am being trained for yet another promotion, while still enjoing my management role. EH is being groomed to replace me as manager. We're making friends. We're making progress.

If we weren't working together, who knows how we'd manage...? As it is, we're being run down and our life is an endless work cycle.

We made it home just now and I decided to blog a hello and then go to bed. Early, I know - but...I need it.

Posted by Red :: 7:03 PM :: |

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Jiggity Jig for the Prom Queen

Home again, Home again, jiggity jig...

The Tradeshow was a blast and every physical and mental extreme I have was pushed and pulled. I went 3 days on a grand combined total of 7 hours (non-consecutive) sleep. I drank enough to put someone in the hospital (but paced myself well and thus, avoided becoming luggage). I danced, I worked, I explored, I rode rides, I sang songs - I thrived.

I rode up to Orlando with my boss and enjoyed 3 1/2 hours of quality time. We arrived at 2 something in the morning and my co-worker room mate was already fast asleep. I fell asleep by 3:30 am. We got back up at 7 am to get ready for the day's event.

Our Friday shifts were short and we escaped with plenty of time to go play at Universal Studios. We made it home, soaked and sunbeaten with no sleep in time to shower before we were picked up from our hotel in a SUPER SWEET stretch Hummer with flashing neon lights, mirrored ceilings and more alcohol than I have ever seen in one place (all courtesy of our two top producers who are 'party boys').

The night went to the kind of chaos that naturally evolves when a group of hard-partying co-workers with two much money and too little self-control. My boss got spontaneously engaged to her new boyfriend, we sang and danced like lunatics and cash bets were placed on the expected "screwing" of the "Prom King" of the night and another young woman who have a bit of chemistry between them. "Prom King" is the "quarterback" of the company. A charming, nice-looking guy with a ton of disposable income. He's been flirting it up with the cute girl (a friend of mine) and everyone was sure he'd sweep her off her feet that night. Bets were made...

No one expected the wildcard to turn out to be me.

Somehow, Prom King and I got to dancing while young woman sat out and drank. The more alcohol, the more innappropriate the dancing became and it wasn't long before he was attached to my hip for the night and pushing for my attention. Much later, on the ride back to the hotels (cute girl & I rooming in one, the rest of the office staying at another hotel), he made himself comfortable with his head in my lap and one hand playing with my hair while making suggestive remarks and innuendos. All eyes were on us as EH is very, very well-liked with this crowd. I learned later that there would have been a major ass-kicking from a couple of the other guys if anyone suspected Prom King was going to try to take me to bed. He was trying alright, but he was cool about it and responded well to my request that he behave himself. No hard feelings, a good time was had.

I was flirted with in a big way by the Prom King of the office. It was fun being Prom Queen for a night and riding around in a stretch Hummer with all drinks and such paid for. But - as you should have already guessed, that's where the story ends. I was immune to (though impressed by) Prom King's charms (where most girls would have definitely caved in...this guy was a pro!) and I escaped with my fidelity well-in-tact. I also called EH first thing in the morning to fill him in. As is typical with EH, he chuckled it off. EH knows full well that while I thrive on the sort of sexy attention I received and where I may even encourage it - I stop it right there. EH knows I can be trusted.

The next morning, I was in even more agony. Hung-over, no sleep and taking care of two seriously drunk friends. I finished out the trade show and caught a ride home with S (of S&M - best friends). S was attending the show with his own company and was happy to have company for the ride home.

And now, I still need some major sleep. I'm wiped out and still coasting on the wild weekend. I'm happy as heck to be home and thrilled that I got to go all at the same time.

It did my ego good...

Posted by Red :: 4:45 PM :: |

Saturday, July 23, 2005

While My Bride is Away--Random Weekend Amusements

Friday was a good one at work for me. Things were blowing up in every department but my own and I literally felt like I was in the calmness at the middle of a cyclone. I did my best to diffuse things for the stressed masses. One woman who gets my style was in another office and while the four women spoke rapidly I walked in and said, "Harriet, I have a question so everyone has to stop talking now." Minutes later she came to my desk laughing saying the others had no idea I was kidding and they were speechless for a full minute before she explained. (Funny thing is later the others started talking to me for the first time as they walked by my desk.)

Later a girl from closing was panicked and standing over my desk to talk with someone else seated in our office. Without a word I held out a PEZ dispenser and she took one while talking rapidfire. A minute goes by and then she looks at her hand wondering where she had gotten PEZ. I love those moments.

Other good things abounded too. While rushing to get to the bank in time to get cash deposited so TOW would have fuel for her partying--I mean business trip--I made nice discoveries. Great sub shop across the street for one. And very close is a mighty fine cigar shop with wide selections and a lounge that is open to the public. Lastly I scored a nice DVD. TOW said that it sounded like I was not even missing her, but I explained that with her away I was having a "guys night", just by myself.

So in that mood here are some senseless amusements.

Daiquris and Guns--the Perfect Match
NRA endorsed fun from THE WEDDING CRASHERS website. Click on "Quail Shoot" for an atypical target game. Things start off normal enough, then the screen announces DAIQUIRI TIME! at various intervals. Before you know it you are shooting woozily while seeing triple.

Here is a priceless mug-shot. The guy was arrested for huffing in a hardware store. Of course, since he has yet to stand trial we have to say "allegedly" huffing.

Posted by The Even Husband :: 11:45 AM :: |

Thursday, July 21, 2005

My Redhead Leaves Me, So I'll Sleep With a Blonde

We left The Odd One at the office and the car ride home was spent with a tear-filled daughter, already missing her mom. Now we are working on dinner and it is harder than it has to be. Considering what little time I have I had to resort to some prefab meal, and then I read where I have to first use a sauce blend and then mix a topping for later--but the two packets are unmarked and either contents could qualify as the other.

Not bad enough, two times I have rushed back into the kitchen when I hear food spilling onto the burner, only to find no such incident. Visit three reveals our psycho kitten was getting wild with plastic shopping bags under the dining table. OW told me to give the cats kisses because she couldn't tell them goodbye. My response was, "Ain't gonna happen." Amazing: two short months ago I rescued this feline from probable doom, and now when it gets wild and wakes us up in the middle of the night I am plotting her death.

The workload and pace of our office is insane right now, and that is not because I'm a neophyte at this game. Everyone is stretched, most are working 12+ hours a day, and we all share in that 1000 yard stare at times. A few in the office--and TOW especially--have looked my way to see how I'm faring, but I seem to be holding my end of the deal. Friday morning will see 2/3 of the staff away on the business trip, including our department head (The Odd Wife), and another desk will be empty as one more person is pulled away to help another department, leaving just one person to run our end of things.


Some people achieve competency, others have it thrust upon them.

One day already this week I was working on 2 or 3 files that had to close in a day, then a new one was brought in that had, Had to close. After that I was given another job, from another department and which I had never done, that HAD to be finished and rushed out Fedex with a short deadline. One person commented that they were surprised I wasn't running around in a panic, but all I could do was laugh at it all. Everyone's job is a priority, every file has to close yesterday, and at some point I had to see it for the surreal nature that it was. When everything is a crisis how do you prioritize? It is also fun to watch people as they react to the way I diffuse the tension. Most are serious and don't expect to hear me cracking wise in the middle of the fury. I'm also keeping PEZ dispensers on my desk. Hey, it works for me.

It is impressive though to watch my bride operate in the workplace. She is so natural at it and has an aptitude for things that I envy. She knows intuitively how to interact and speaks the lexicon fluidly, and she is whip smart on the computer. Once already however she was training me and getting frustrated and I told her, "OK, put the claws away. I'll get it." She has admitted that she is short on patience when people don't grasp technology as fast as she does. Mostly though I love working with her. Especially during the furor it is great to be able to look over at her and share a glance and a smile, and even though we have to eat and work we can have one or the other make lunch and relax together for a brief spell.

I have 48 hours now without my wife nearby. Ironically it is always odd when I lack The Odd Wife. She's my tether around here and when she takes a trip I end up laying about late at night with no real reason. I'm not scared to sleep alone, it just means that her absence is palpable and I end up reading or watching movies before forcing myself to cut off the lights around 2:00 in the am. Guaranteed though, there won't be a lack of cuddling in bed, albeit forced. I have to make a point of giving the 90 lb. blonde Labrador a bath tonight because once he spies that expanse of unused bed he will claim his swath with all the subtlety of a monster truck at a rally in Shreveport.

'Night all

Posted by The Even Husband :: 9:12 PM :: |
Missing Him Already

EH left my office 5 minutes ago and I miss him terribly already.

I'll be on the road in a moment.

Be good.

EH - I love you babe. I miss you.

Posted by Red :: 8:34 PM :: |
Scenes from the Past Weekend

I can't wait to come home Saturday night...

I can't wait to come home and show my husband how much I missed him. To tell him how many times he was on my mind.

To see if he missed me too.

I can't wait to feel him against me. To be close to his skin. To touch him.

...and I haven't even left yet.

Posted by Red :: 12:10 AM :: |

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

You've worked 105 1/2 hours, what are you going to do now?

...go to Disney World, of course!


I leave after work tomorrow with half the company to attend the annual state industry tradeshow. The mortgage industry is a bawdy one and the tradeshows are partially about marketing and largely about drunken debauchery. Once I would have been eager to attend, now I am just dreading leaving EH and SG.

The week has been hellacious, to say the least. One house came so close to being mine and fell apart at the last minute. I'm really nervous about our housing situation. I just haven't had a spare minute to address it. EH and I are both working hard and crashing into bed for a few hours of precious sleep. But we're making some headway.

My department is getting training. I'm doing all I can to bring them up to speed in a fraction of the usual time. I am extremely pleased to note that EH is picking things up in this new career much faster than the rest. In a few short days, I pounded him with training and he's made huge leaps and bounds. I am so proud of him.

There are still kinks to be worked out and pressure to cope with, but it's coming together. Business is booming and I am enjoying my role as department head/manager. I just need to find the balance.

Posted by Red :: 11:38 PM :: |

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Odd & Even, A Perfect Balance: The Story of How We Met

Odd Wife: I was working at The Olive Garden as a waitress. EH was a waiter/bartender. I was 21 years old. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart and was beginning to feel trapped in a life I wasn't all that interested in. I was trudging along, but not very cheerfully. I had become very close friends with a co-worker named Stacey. Stacey was a redhead like me, but a very dark, cynical person and it had rubbed off.

Even Husband: Our initial conversations certainly did not lay the ground work for a relationship. She had certain...we'll say feminist convictions. One day I was working at my designated statiion when OW grunted up beside as she was hefting a large bin of ice--her statial duty of the evening. I made a comment that with all the men in the place some guy could have stepped up and helped her out. She proceeded to lay into me with a lecture about how insulting it was of me to presume she could not do the job herself and then labeled me a sexist. It was about then that it occurred to me that I had not been to my tables for about two minutes, silently feeling sorry for the guy who was marrying her.

Odd Wife: He's never going to let that damned "ice thing" go. It's true. I was heavily influenced by my friendship with Stacey and she was basically a man-hating feminist. I still wonder that she was straight. Anyway, here's the thing. EH is a cute guy. A damned cute guy. And I had noticed him, lounging in the bar reading. I'm not the kind of girl who likes to appear delicate. I always like to look strong and smart. I don't believe I actually lectured EH, but I know I snapped at him "Do I look like I'm not capable of handling this myself? I don't need macho bravado, thank you very much." In truth, his comment was poorly delivered...why make a comment about all the men who could have helped me while he's walking past me? Why not stop and help me himself? To me, he was casting a doubt on my ability to get men to do my heavy work and I was insulted. Can you believe how much shit some women (me) read into things???

Even Husband: Needless to say we were not blistering across the cosmos from the onset. Some time after that we were both briefly working beside each other when apropos of nothing she announces, "You're going to make somebody a good husband one day," and then walks away. Now this was coming from the broad--er, WOMAN--who had made a point of showing how chauvanistic I was, and she now drops this line out of nowhere. I badgered her the rest of the evening to explain herself, and she refused every time.

Odd Wife: That's a classic moment. I was really down. My engagement to Rich was tearing me up inside. We had lived together for 3 years by this time and I thought this was as good as it got. I loved Rich, but felt...empty and hollow inside. I'd had a series of affairs during our relationship. Some he knew about, some he didn't. I kept chasing men on the side seeking some sort of fulfillment. I just assumed I was a terrible person. I never realized I was missing something. It's true, I was working in the restaurant that night and EH was talking with a small group of our co-workers. I overheard bits and pieces of the conversation (which I can't remember to this day) and something EH said struck a cord in me. I walked into the kitchen and tapped him and leaned over and said that fateful quote. His jaw hit the floor. I walked away. He asked me 10,457 times that night what I meant. I couldn't explain it. I didn't know myself what I meant. I just..."saw" something in him when he was talking and that thought occured to me. You know that as a pagan, I believe in destiny, prophecy, reincarnation and so on. I still believe some voice in me was speaking up because it recognized my soul mate. With EH now trailing after me demanding answers, I turned it into a joke to hide the more serious confusion I had felt at saying it. I wrote a little note which told him it was because he was "just such an incredible man" and slipped it to him. After that, I would sigh dramatically and swoon at him whenever I saw him. Thus began the infamous letters...

Even Husband: It was something we became known for, passing notes back and forth to each other written on register tape. Most night OW worked in the office taking the receipts from the servers so each time I came to the window I would pass her a message, or she to me. It was the burgeoning of our affection, but for the most part she was off-limits to me. The idea that nothing would happen between us probably led to us getting together, because as we felt nothing would develop we were able to be more open to each other. Come Christmas time I went outside to go home one night and sitting beside my locked up mountain bike was a huge bottle of Captain Morgan and a card. Yes, the way to a man's heart is through his liver.

Odd Wife: Ahhh, but EH skipped the other "best" part. Christmas was getting closer. Working in the restaurant day and night, I watched these happy families and couples coming in, laughing and dining. I was miserable. My wedding was now 2 months away. I had sunk every dime into this extravagant wedding. Rich's family had money, but this was still getting really expensive for us. One night, after closing, I stood in the empty dining area staring out the window with tears in my eyes and EH was leaving and stopped to ask if I was okay. I just shrugged and said "It doesn't feel much like Christmas to me." Christmas Eve came and we were all working. EH passed out cards and I felt slighted that he skipped me until my card came with a package attached. EH had bought me the kid's holiday video "The Year Without a Santa Claus" to cheer me up. You can't imagine the impression this made on me. Here was a man who could literally speak to my heart. The letters we passed were many (5-6 per night) and they were all written from a joking standpoint, but were incredibly sensual. EH would write to me as his "Crimson Haired Angel" and even in jest, some of our letters were stirring. You have to remember that all the letters were exchanged openly with the entire restaurant. Even Rich was reading them and laughing. It was weird.

One night, a group of us were discussing a new trending coffee house called "The Nocturnal Cafe" and I wanted to go, as did EH. No one else was interested. So, we made plans to go together. I invited a 3rd person (a harmless co-worker named Mike) to keep a buffer because I felt a bit nervous about being alone with EH. Well, 15 minutes into the night out and I regretted having a buffer. EH was opening doors, ordering my drinks and charming me. At the cafe, we played Trivial Pursuit and I was floored by how intelligent he was. I remember standing behind him in the bar we went to later and making excuses to touch his shoulder and back, feeling so drawn to him. I was developing a major attraction to this man. He stirred everything in me.

Even Husband: It became apparent to both us soon after that there was something happening. Once we began talking alone she became much more than the perky little girl not long from graduation. I mean she and another girl at the restaurant were about to marry guys they had been dating since high school--all the talk was of their wedding and little else, to the point of annoyance. But getting to know her I found out that she was in possession of a sharp mind and a quick wit. She was strong willed and bossy while somehow maintaining a girlish charm. And damned good looking. I still remember how she looked in the car with me riding to a sushi lunch with the sun illuminating her red hair.

It was also clear that the guy she was about to wed was not as appreciative of these qualities. He wasn't bad to her, but the more I got to know her the more I could see why she had been feeling the way she had. They got along great, but they were not a match. Problem was the wedding was weeks away. She had been confessing her feeling for some time and once we realized how we felt I continually told her not to go through with it. But she could not disentangle and sure enough, there was a wedding.

Odd Wife: There was a wedding alright. The 2 months between Christmas and my Valentine's Day wedding passed in a flash and in the time, EH and I had fallen for each other. It was no longer a joke. We were actually beginning to suffer. I tried to call the wedding off repeatedly. I heard the lectures about "cold feet" from everyone. I wondered if EH was a "final fling" for me and one night, a month before my wedding, I finally seduced him. It took a LOT of effort. EH was a consumate gentleman and not the type to take sex lightly.

The night of my wedding rehearsal dinner, I refused to go. My fiance and his brother literally dragged me there, two hours late. I told him I wasn't in love with him. I told him I wasn't happy. I told him the wedding was a bad idea. He gently insisted I was just afraid and that we had to go forward. He reminded me how many people had traveled just to come. He reminded me of how much money had been spent. He told me to just "try" and how it would be better to be married for 6 months and split up as opposed to ending the wedding days before. I was young, stupid, scared and confused. I went along.

EH was a guest at my wedding. I was far from the typical bride. The night before the wedding was spent sitting in a car with EH, crying. I deliberately neglected to pick up my altered wedding gown only to find that my sister-in-law had picked it up for me. I walked around on my wedding day like a zombie. I still have the proofs from the wedding photographer. I'm not smiling. My eyes are dead. I look sad. When my father took my arm to lead me down the aisle, I begged him to take me home. He told me this was the best thing in my life and I looked at him and said "Wanna bet?" I prayed that EH would object like they do in the movies. I was so lost. I was hurting so much. I can't even imagine being in EH's shoes watching the wedding.

After the wedding, my new husband and I were wisked away to the Presidential Suite at a beautiful hotel. We had invited several friends to come celebrate with us. I remember a bunch of them hanging out, watching "Time Cop". I stood on the balcony, twirling in my wedding dress in the cool night air. My new husband must have come out 20 times to snap at me that I should change my clothes. I didn't want to. EH was on the balcony too. He whispered "Leave it on." He understood.

Even Husband: The wedding was a surreal time to be sure. We spent so much time together the week prior, including the night before where I dropped her off at her parent's home at about 3:00 a.m. The ceremony was opulent and I couldn't help but wonder if there was something for us beyond, or if this was to be a long slog for me. The night of the ceremony was also an odd experience. I was so focused on OW that I don't recall how I was involved with the crowd that joined them in the honeymoon suite, and the two of us were talking quietly on the balcony for nearly an hour, her husband getting testier by the minute. How he tolerated me being there is beyond my thinking.

Anyway my fears were not for long. The next morning I got a phone call from OW--she was on the airplane on her way to Las Vegas...Oh, and her honeymoon. She called me every day while out in the desert and then I was certain we would be together not long after she returned. It turned out it took one day.

Odd Wife: My honeymoon lasted 7 days in Las Vegas. On the 7th day, we returned home. I had been miserable. We hadn't even "consumated" the marriage because I was so lost. I called EH constantly, terrified of what was happening. We got home late at night on a Sunday. My new husband was going back to work the next day. An hour after he left, so did I. EH and I met and went to Butterfly World to wander the gardens and watch the flittering butterflies. After, we checked into a hotel and I refused to leave. I stayed with him. He was torn between knowing I should go, and wanting me to stay. The next morning, all hell broke loose. My family had been searching me for hours. My new husband was livid. The truth came out. I was dragged to a psychiatrist that very day by my new husband who insisted I was having a breakdown and was put on lithium. I couldn't stop trembling and my hands were involuntarily shaking at all times. The next days were full of misery. My new husband trying to control me, my family convinced I was insane and me trying to run away to EH at every turn. There were no lies. I told my husband I was in love with EH. My new husband kept demanding the opportunity to fight for my heart. It was hopeless and he finally figured it out. He moved out at my request and promised to be there for me.

I was unprepared to live alone, saddled with a mountain of debt from the wedding. I was terrified. I was still a kid for the most part. I had no idea if I was making a mistake or not. Throwing everything away for a chance at something with EH. My family wouldn't speak to me. My friends thought I was insane. EH was drawn into the heavily dramatic world I lived in. I was stressed beyond belief. One night, I was alone and decided to end my life. I unlocked the door so my body could be easily found. I dressed in a beautiful black velvet gown. I took the phone off the hook. I lit candles. I poured a glass of wine and started taking the lithium one after another.

As it turned out, my friend Stacy tried to call and was suspicious of the busy signal. She drove over and walked in. She knew at a glance what I was doing and freaked out. She called EH and told him to get over there and then confiscated every sharp object I owned. EH raced over and spent the rest of the night holding me and whispering raggedly into my ear that he needed me and I couldn't leave him. To help me make ends meet, he moved in with me. We were living together only months after meeting.

It should have been weird. It wasn't. We fit together so well somehow. It was the beginning of the happiest days of my life.

The Even Husband: I remember many things about that night but one of them was lying next to her in that bed and after she told me all the reasons for her wanting to kill herself I explained to her the one thing she had not considered: what it would have done to me. She looked at me and I could see the realization on her face when I explained to her that she had not thought about what my reaction would be to her leaving me in that fashion. You can pretty much say that from that moment forward we were together as one entity.

The Odd Wife: My new husband was being extremely cooperative. Keeping his distance, being kind. But he wasn't willing to go through with a divorce. I think he believed that at any moment, EH and I would run into problems and he could reclaim his new bride and his life. Except it wasn't happening. EH and I were flourishing. Just when the bulk of the drama seemed to be behind us...I discovered I was pregnant. EH and I had been living together for about 5 months now, so it was no question of paternity. I was terrified to tell him. I was sure he'd run, screaming. EH was at work, so I called my husband, hysterical. He calmed me down and encouraged me to call EH as soon as I could. I did. Poor EH. He was waiting tables on a Saturday night and I call in and drop this bombshell on him. Honestly, I didn't even expect him to come home that night. I was pretty sure I would never see him again. I was shocked when he came home later that night.

Instead of a serious discussion about the matter, or playing games of "what are we going to do about this", EH held several bags of groceries. He unloaded a table-full of junk foods and a couple dozen yellow roses. He told me to eat the junk food now, because he was going to see to it that I ate very healthy for the next 9 months. I couldn't believe it.

He did take incredible care of me. I was so sick that I lost far too much weight. The rare moments I could actually eat, EH would race out to get whatever I could crave at the moment. Often he was riding his bike to Subway at 2 am to grab a sandwich. He was devout in his efforts to care for me. I felt like a princess.

My husband continued to resist the divorce. He put it off, he delayed it, he fought it - you name it. He finally agreed to the divorce nearly one year after our wedding. The papers were signed on February 6th, 1996. My due date was March 17th. It was a strange moment standing before the judge at 9 months pregnant, but I had been so sick and dropped so much weight that under my heavy coat, she couldn't tell. I came home that day a free woman.

EH married me on March 1st. It was a simple ceremony on a Friday night at his parents church. We wore our Sunday best, so to speak. A handful of friends and family came to see it. After, we had cake at his parents home. In every photo, my smile is 1,000 watts of pure joy. We both look so happy.

On the way home, we were tired, but I was upset at not having a "wedding dance". Our song is "I Love the Way You Love Me" by John Michael Montgomery. We stopped at a tiny country-western bar on the way home and ran inside, asked the DJ to play our song and we shared our dance on an empty dance floor surrounded by confused and amused redneck onlookers. When it ended, we went home.

6 days later, our daughter was born.

There have been a million sacrifices. A thousand tears. A hundred crisises. But the smiles, the laughs and the moments of pure wonder at being together far outnumber them. EH and I are truly soul mates, without doubt. I can't imagine a life -even a moment- without him. I am so grateful for whatever strength or luck led me to risk everything I had to be with him...that gamble paid off tremendously. I am so thankful he chose me in return.

Destiny? Meant to be? Soul Mates? True Love? You bet. I believe in it all and I believe we have it all.

Even Husband: Yea, the night I found out I was to be a dad. Busiest night of the week, I had barely the time to field a phone call, and I get the monster of all calls. I went through some of the usual reactions--my life is over, and the sort--but soon I found myself asking, "Why?" I was living with a woman I loved, a woman who I knew was destined to be a great mother, so why would an addition be bad news? I went through the rest rest of the night explaining to customers I just found out about the pregnancy and the usual reaction was, "Is that good news?" I didn't know, I was never a dad before. But yes, it was good news. Typical of our relationship we have gone through our share of challenges and problems, but for the most part there has not been a question about us. Whatever the problem we have always been secure that we would face it together. And now here we are, still a family and still happy as ever.

Posted by Red :: 7:27 PM :: |
Of Oral Sex and Houses

On many occasion I have posted about my personal obsession with oral sex. Not something trendy or cute to say, this is an actual fascination of mine as I posted here and here.

And, in the past I have briefly commented on the reciprocal side of oral sex.

Well, a girl has to be able to admit when she's been licked! - Er...I mean, when she's wrong.

Tonight found SG sleeping at her friends house unexpectedly and EH and I decided to go poke around the local Hustler store for fun. We walked out with a few new playthings and headed home for a night of fun.

EH had discovered a flavored lubricant he liked and I reaped the benefits of his appetite for it! When he settled in to please me, I actually told him he didn't have to...but - holy smokes!!!

Well - this old dog learned some new tricks. This was purely supernatural. My entire body was shaking. After, I was glowing to the point of illuminating the whole room. The sex actually became secondary to me.

Whew!!! While I have always appreciated the efforts, it's never been quite right. Not just with EH, but with anyone. Somehow, we found the spot tonight and I was actually rendered speechless.

Those who know me would tell you that is a very good thing. For The Odd Wife to be speechless is not a common thing.

On another note, we have a shot - a long shot - at a house. Naturally I have my hopes sky high and have already begun mentally moving our furniture around the place. EH is begging me not to get too attached, but it's too late. Looking at houses is like shopping for puppies...I fall in love.

Please, please, please send good vibes our way. This has been our dream for 10+ years.

Oh, also bought 3 lotto tickets. If one of them wins, we can get a bigger, better house! So, uh - send good vibes on that too. Because you KNOW if I win, I'll do a little something special for you, right?

Must sleep now.

Posted by Red :: 2:09 AM :: |
The Weekend Cometh

The weekend arrived at last, though not as smoothly as I would have liked.

Friday, I managed to escape the office near 7 pm and had to decline the Friday night after-work invites in lieu of escape. I was happy to get home. EH and I tried to watch a DVD, but found ourselves too tired to finish.

Today, I returned to the office for a bit with EH in tow. SG had gone to play at a friends for the day. My manager was there and I was perked up a bit by her mentions of my job. She wants me to really manage my staff and to ensure that my staff come to me directly with issues. I went from being a manager of no one to being department head over a small group of people. It will be a challenge to find the "leader" in myself. I can easily tell you how a department should be run. Actually doing it will be different. Will I be a mean boss? Will I be weak? Will I be bitchy? Will EH survive with me as his boss? I'm supposed to groom one person to take over my manager role within 6 months so I can move on to a larger position in underwriting...will I be fair?


I want to point out something new. On the left there is a poll for you. We have an idea for a fun and amusing or introspective post between EH and I discussing...well, whatever you vote for! So, cast your vote for the topic you'd most like to hear us dialogue together and we'll get to work on it.

I did promise you something special this weekend, right?

I'm going to go work on THAT right now.


Posted by Red :: 12:16 AM :: |

Friday, July 15, 2005

Of Thieves

Another day, another drama.

Our elderly landlady (who had the stroke last month) was moved from her rehabilitation facility to Tennessee to be near her daughter. We got word of the move last minute and were unable to say goodbye, which saddens us. As much as she was a pain in the ass for 5 years, she was a part of our family. We shared holidays, birthdays, tears, arguments and just shared our lives. With her family not wanting to be involved with her, we became her only family. It feels odd to have her gone from our lives.

Her other daughter came down today while we were at work and packed up a few of the valuables. That's when she discovered a collection of pewter Christmas Carol spoons had been stolen. The collection hung prominently on her wall for as long as we have known her and I pointed it out to her family the last time they came down a few weeks back. I suggested they take it, they didn't then and now it's gone. The rack hangs empty.

I am so angry.

There are two possibilities. One, that we stole them. And I can assure you, we did not. Two, well - two pisses me off.

Our building is 2 two-story townhomes adjoined. On her side there is also a small one bedroom efficiency that she rents out. An elderly man lives there. A chain-smoking, tattooed, beer guzzling older man. He's actually pretty nice and I don't suspect him. I DO suspect his disgusting daughter's boyfriend.

His daughter looks like something that stepped off Jerry Springer. A 300+ pound stringy haired unemployed trashy woman. She dates this cave-man looking dirt bag who has recently taken to sleeping in his truck in our driveway with his stereo blaring in the middle of the night. The kind who struts around greasy haired, can of cheap beer in one hand muttering "fuck you" and staggering about. A real prize for any girl. Why these two losers are staying with her old man in his teeny tiny 1 room place and WHERE the hell they sleep since there is ONE bed and no chairs in that Marlboro Smelling room is a mystery to me, but they have access to my landlady's place by way of a connecting door. Seriously, I smoked for years and you can get emphysema just standing at his front door. It's gross.

My landlady's daughters don't know what to think. Obviously, in their minds we could have also done it - which pisses me off because we took care of their mother far beyond anything they have ever done. We have never taken a dime from her. We aren't like that.

Well, I'm not. EH, as it turns out, does have a history of theft. For reasons I will NEVER comprehend, he steals the cards advertising the Slurpee flavors from 7-11's. He's been doing this for over 10 years and he has a huge stack of them. Tonight, we stopped for Slurpees and as I browsed the racks, I spotted an empty space where a flavor should be and just glared at him. He needs help. I keep imagining the scene when he gets busted someday.

Do you think he'll do hard time?

Posted by Red :: 9:24 PM :: |

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Work. I worked. EH worked. All day. All night.

What else is there really to say?


Posted by Red :: 11:43 PM :: |
This Blurry World

Awake much too late. Trying to come down from a solid day of intense work. 8 am to 11 pm, no lunch, no break. Just work.

EH came in to help. My husband will never know the depths of my love for him. Words could never express it.

The days are moving without me even seeing them. I thought it was Tuesday.

It's hard, but it will get better. There are so many promises, so many opportunities.

I need quality time with EH. I need rest.

Thanks for the 20,000+ visits. I owe you something special. This weekend, I'll deliver. Wait and see...

Posted by Red :: 12:44 AM :: |

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

There's More Than Just Movies--There's Merchandise

One of Hollywood's classics--and one among my all-time favorites--is getting the sequel treatment. That's right, Sony is getting ready to make "Roadhouse 2: Last Call". I will go on record now as saying there is NO WAY they can approach the sterling perfection of the Swayze classic.

Recently I mentioned how I appreciate not just bad movies but also bad movie merchandise, promotional swag, and the like. Here is a great article about a really poor movie toy from "The Fantastic 4" --The Human Torch, riding an ATV! The list of reasons cited is hilarious, and I love that the vehicle has Spiderman hubcaps, making this weak attempt at a quick buck a recycled weak attempt by craven toymakers. I am getting one this weekend for sure!
One thing I will contest with the writer is that this is not the worst movie promo ever. Hell, just last year I nabbed a dog waste bag dispenser from the film "Good Boy". It was a dog themed movie, but you are begging for the vicious comparisons to dog crap when you put your film's name on a product like this.

Posted by The Even Husband :: 5:14 PM :: |

I wonder who will be our 20,000th visitor? I think it will happen today.

Posted by Red :: 7:14 AM :: |
Another Day, Another $10,000

It's been a day. A day of up's, down's, in's and out's (though not the kind of in's and out's I like best!)

First, I arrived at work to find my entire office meeting and my new boss tearfully delivering a harsh reprimand for office gossiping. Apparently some had gathered to discuss the new boss and word got back to her. I was not involved, but was subjected to the meeting with the rest. Not really a great start to the day.

Late morning, the day improved when it was announced by surprise that I was being promoted. I begin training almost immediately for a new role (a much, much more lucrative role!) while continuing to manage my department until I can hand it off. It's a huge step for me. The promotion I am getting is the kind of career move that usually requires years of preparation. It was given to me after 2 weeks. My boss has deep faith in me. That means something.

Mid-afternoon our work volume quadrupled leaving us breathlessly committing to work all day and night all week to catch up. My department remains woefully understaffed and I am admittedly nervous about maintaining our good standing. A fully staffed department of fully trained employees would struggle with this. I have a severely understaffed department of brand new shiny people not prepared to cope. Oy...

Late afternoon, we hired EH. He starts Monday full-time, but was drafted tonight to start helping after hours. It's about a $10,000 increase in his salary too. A very nice twist to the day.

But, workloads overtook me and EH and I both stayed in my office until after 10 pm. Now I am tired, but restless.

They say couples shouldn't work together, but EH and I have done so for half of our marriage without a problem. And the money will go a long way for us. I honestly see no worries. I've worked for my father, my best friend and my best friend's husband without incident. Business is business and we've always kept it seperate.

And hey...on the really bright side, I have this hot new co-worker...!

I'm worried about my best friend. I see her falling back into the neverending cycle of her marriage. They're both miserable and despite threats and battles, neither will follow through on decisions to end it. It's been this way for 3-4 years. They don't have up's and down's...they have down's and lower/deeper down's. She had announced plans to file for divorce, but has backed down from them. I wish they could just fix it or end it. I care very much for them both and hate seeing them always so unhappy. They very nearly hate each other. All I can do is listen, worry and offer to support her in whatever she does.

Posted by Red :: 12:18 AM :: |

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Covenant That Bonds

Down here in the phallic south we have had a tumultuous weekend, of sorts. Friday we drove in a torrent and got home late to watch the news. It was 11:00 and the phallanx of reporters dispatched to the beach were in full force, dutifully--and bravely--detailing for us the terror of 45 mile per hour winds. Of course the drama and import of their dispatches was blunted slightly by the fact that we had just been through the drive-through picking up dinner in those very conditions.

Saturday was a long one in the home search, but it had a cool thrill attached to it as we speculated what we could do with each house we visited. One common theme seemed to be the conversion of any backyard shed into a tiki bar. It was rather apparent that wherever we end up it will not take long for us to morph the dwelling into a home. The entire weekend was spent with all of us together, and never was it less than pleasurable. Even after a full day slogging across the county we spent a night shopping, each of us claiming their own sundries, nothing but contentment to be heard even with fatigue setting in.

Now that the storms have abated here we are left with two things: foliage strewn avenues, and windless, stagnant days of oppressive sauna conditions. One attribute of tropical storms is that when they blow through there is usually an atmospheric lull of no clouds and little wind. That translates to blazing sun and tons of water on the ground evaporating to deliver air with nearly 100% humidity. The good thing (for me) is that I thrive in these conditions, being a lifelong resident. In summer I am outdoors often, ride in the car sans A/C, and actually feel energized while most around me wilt. As G. Gordon Liddy says, the trick is not minding.

One thing is required however. Slurpees. These basic drinks do the job in slaking what ails ya. Each one of us crave these, including the dog who requires his own kids-size version. Some time ago we instituted The Slurpee Covenant, which stipulates that whenever a member of this clan acquires this drink they must purchase a requisite amount for the remaining members. However you must tread lightly when venturing into this realm. AND, if it is not too late for you, today is your shot at getting free Slurpees. (Why? Check the date.) It is the 40th Anniversary of the drink so get the free 7.11 ouncer (get it?)

Posted by The Even Husband :: 8:12 PM :: |
The Kind of Love...

I worked all day with EH on my mind. The feel of being held close to him, with my face against his chest. His eyes, his smile, his touch.

When I got home, I went straight into his arms.

I am as baffled as the next person that I could feel this much after so many years. Over a decade and still I react to seeing him the way young couples newly in love might. I only hope it never fades.

Yesterday, EH was wearing a new pair of board shorts he'd bought that fit snugly and emphasized his...package. Naturally, my eyes were drawn there all day long. EH kept laughing and saying I was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Eventually, I remarked back to him and his smart-ass remarks.

I asked him, "Does it make you feel good that I look at you always with such love, lust and adoration?" and he agreed that it did.

I smiled and told him "Well, maybe that's my way of treating you well. Just because I look at you like 'God's Gift to Women' doesn't mean you are. It only means you are to me"

I understand that my husband, my marriage and myself are all imperfect. I could point out flaws and bemoan the tough things. But the love between us supercedes the compromises and struggles. It means more to me than finding the flaws.

Last night, watching Swimming With Sharks together - we were teasing each other and he annoyed me and I pushed his foot off of mine as we lay side by side. He put it back and a small wrestling match of feet evolved. I finally snapped "Stop touching me!" and he stared at me defiantly, then leaned over and licked my arm. We both cracked up. It's such a small, silly thing but it is so indicative of our relationship and how we play. I really was annoyed, but it dissolved the moment he licked me and made me laugh.

I wonder what we'll be like as little old folks. Will we still be wrestling and laughing? Will we still be racing into each other's arms (or at least pushing the walkers fast?).

I hope so. I believe so.

I know so.

Posted by Red :: 6:52 PM :: |

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Who Were You?

Sunday is a great day to renew your spirit and refresh yourself for the coming week Since I tend to work under heavy stress, I need to seek out the relaxation side.

I have this great self-hypnosis tape that regresses you to find past lives and see if you shared them with people around you now. The theory is that you travel throughout time with the same souls primarily in different places in your life. Your husband could appear in past lives as your mother, brother, son or grandfather, who knows?

The greatest influence on my thoughts about reincarnation come from the book Many Lives, Many Masters. In this book, the theory as I recall it is that your soul travels through many life cycles until you have learned and mastered all the lessons needed, at which point you would become a "master" or spirit guide of sorts for other souls. This is a good explanation for calling someone an "old soul" when they seem extraordinarily wise. SG seems to be an old soul. EH and I are not. You repeat lives surrounded by the same souls in your circle although those people eventually move on to become masters.

Whether or not you believe in past lives, self-hypnosis absolutely works and is incredibly relaxing. You are directed to awaken feeling refreshed, relaxed and full of peaceful thoughts and harmony.

My frustration is that I can never remember anything when I come out of it. I'm trying to work on that. I have this really dream like vague memory after one session of the names Frank (or Fred) and Shelly and some sense that we may have been Depression era farmers - but I can't get any clear thoughts on it. I guess poverty is a recurring theme for us, huh?

So, I'm you believe in past lives? Any ideas what it might have been like for you?

You think about it, I'm going to go regress for a bit!

Posted by Red :: 5:35 PM :: |
I Scream Sunday (Ice-Cream Sundae!)

No signifigance to the post title, it just sounded fun.

Going out for ice-cream last night at 11:30 pm was insane. Another squall hit as I was at the McDonald's drive-through paying for my fruit & yogurt parfaits and getting back home was scary as hell. The street signs were flipping violently in the wind on their metal posts, rain burst from above and poured down in sheets so that my windshield wipers on full speed were still useless and heavy winds pushed my car around on the road as I drove slowly home.

I can't deny it, I dreamt all night long about the houses. In my dreams I was painting, picking cabinets, landscaping...I have all 5 houses remodeled in my mind.

Woke this morning to cuddle with my incredible EH. As we snuggled close in our half-asleep state, he wrapped his arms around me and mumbled, "Still on your period?" to which I responded "yes". (Two days, and he thinks it's over?) And thus, we went back to sleep.

Finally waking, we discovered a tree lying heavily on our roof. I'm pretty sure that's going to become a problem. But since we have to move, I'm letting it be someone else's problem.

We had breakfast at Einstein Bros. and then went grocery shopping. Coming home, we divided the household chores 3 ways and tackled the chores. I think we did pretty good!

I don't know why I love Sunday's so much. There's something easy about them. I love spending the day puttering around the house together, watching tv, relaxing...

And I love the food. Every Sunday is 'Spaghetti Night'. EH and SG are tired of it, but I love it.

Time to STOP cleaning and START renewing my spirit, strength and energy for the coming week. I expect it to be just as busy and hectic but I know I can make it to the next weekend. I'm going to go play with my self-hypnosis tape.

Posted by Red :: 5:13 PM :: |

Saturday, July 09, 2005

What if we had a hurricane and no one noticed?

Hurricane Dennis skirted us last night and as we lay safe in the knowledge that it was not on a path to hit us, we enjoyed the windy night with the sort of dark appreciation we tend to have for a good storm.

And woke to surprisingly much mess!

Branches, leaves, twigs and debris lay strewn thickly over cars and our walk and driveways. Our wooden fence in the courtyard has collapsed. And as I drove to the gym for my facial appointment - I was impressed with the aftermath. We were both shocked to read that a squall line did cross us with winds of 80 mph. Which means, we actually did have a hurricane last night and slept straight through it.

The winds continue even now, but we've enjoyed the day. We had a list of 13 houses to check out and pick what we liked. I was prepared to only find 1 that was ok, but we settled on 5 that we both really liked. Every one of them has a huge yard and a ton of potential for greatness.

I'm 'out of commission' this weekend for hot sex and suffering from serious bitchiness. I'm not sure if the bitchiness is from menstrual hormones or because I know I can't comfortably have sex.

D0n't get me wrong...I know you can do it. And from time to time we do, but it's never the same. I can't be relaxed with it.

And so...the weekend marches on.

The new job is getting better. I finally got my department set up to a workable manner on Thursday and Friday and I'm enjoying the management side of the job. My boss commanded us out after work on Friday night and we ended up in a smoke-filled dive bar with karaoke.

I'm pretty damned far from uptight, but the karaoke bar scene just isn't me...unless my goal is to sit back and give a running wise-ass critique of each performer. They just seem sad to me. So, I made faces, wrinkled my nose, cracked a few comments. Unfortunately, my boss-lady seemed to be really into the whole thing. We couldn't be more different and somehow her exuberant, cheerleader personna manages to make me feel stiff and uptight. I need to find a niche to fit. It's not that I'm stiff, I'm just a bit more on the edgier side than that. I'm plenty 'girly'. Just in a darker way.

Fuck. Now I need ice-cream. (Actually, I needed ice-cream before I even started this, I was just hoping posting a random, rambling bit would make it go away. It didn't.)

Posted by Red :: 10:54 PM :: |

Thursday, July 07, 2005

So Much to Say, So Little Time

It's nearly midnight and I have just gotten home from work...

First, I am so incredibly grateful to my darling EH for keeping 'the home fires burning' and taking up the slack created by my overtime. He will be very, very rewarded. (Daily blow jobs for a month sound about fair???)

Second, as insanely busy as work is - it's beginning to come together. I have a staff now and I'm loving it. Even better, it looks like EH may have a position there too...

Third, London was in my thoughts all day today. I'm so disgusted by the tragedy and senselessness of this. Why do people seem to think violence and intimidation is the answer? Bravo to the British for standing tall in the wake of this.

Fourth, damned I'm tired and my sweet and sexy morsel of a husband is in my bed...I need to feel him beside me for a few hours to find peace again. TGIF tomorrow because I'm missing my man!!!

XOXOXO Blog World. Except for you. And you. But the rest of you are wonderful. ;)

Posted by Red :: 11:42 PM :: |
Duo Over

The Odd One is putting in a long office day/night so it is just me and the daughter holding down things. It's a drudgery--answering questions about animals, making popcorn so she can watch her movie, and now preparing her dinner. If that isn't enough, after the meal I mistakenly agreed to help her out with a particularly thorny segment on "The Incredibles" video game, so you can be assured I will be beside her on the bed working through that mess.

When you first have a kid everyone tells you what to expect. You hear about the diapers, the colic, the late night feedings. I guess there is a reason you get an earful of all those joys but nobody warns you about nights like this, stretched out in front of a Play Station having to endure that incessant giggling. And for Friday night she wants to watch a movie together. Guess I'll have to do my duty.

Like many I was drawn to the television to watch the events in London this morning. It was something to watch, but I was drawn to the way the Brits managed to behave in the face of these attacks. The people on screen were composed and resiliant on the streets. Ironically I'm currently reading Patricia Cornwell's true-crime book "Portrait of a Killer" where she claims to have figured out who was Jack-The-Ripper. (Her premise is somewhat flawed but the book is a good read.) I was surprised that in the wake of the graphic murders many in London were becoming increasingly frightened, but in the neighborhoods where the murders occured the residents were taking to the streets. Anyone brought in for questioning feared they would be torn apart by crowds and many people actually skulked around in the shadows of the town overnight looking to catch the murderer. Pretty brazen considering there was someone disemboweling women on a regular pace.

Of course this morning's news was cast in unique perspective by myself. After some time I heard myself saying, "Oh no. Dave Barry is in London this week!" (You can all relax, he has reported back safely.)

Posted by The Even Husband :: 7:13 PM :: |

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Oh Ye of Little Faith

I lack faith.

Religion: As I have mentioned, I was raised pagan - but was encouraged to explore all religions to find what fit me best. And I did. I tried to fit in with my Christian friends, attended church with them and tried to believe. I couldn't begin to tell you how many nights as a child I lay in my bed, begging 'God' to hear me and got no answer. For a time, I considered myself atheist, believing there was no God. And then, I returned to my pagan roots and was taught by a coven high priestess about the ancient ways. There are as many paths of paganism as there are branches of Christianity, but I was essentially taught that we shape much of our own paths and destinies and are free to call upon the Goddess or use the tools she has provided us in nature and spirit to find our way. When someone says something like "Don't worry, God will provide" I just feel sick.

The Goodness of Mankind: People are essentially selfish beings and as time marches on, they become progressively more awful. People easily lie, cheat, steal and even kill. Strangers in public are hostile and rude. Customer service died out ages ago. There is the tiniest handful of truly good people left in the world, and I am lucky to know a handful of them. But whenever someone offers me help or some kindness or favor, I immediately wonder at the alterior motive. I've been screwed over too many times by trusting people. I keep a few close friends and hold everyone else at a safe distance because my trust is hard-won.

Luck: EH and I are two of the unluckiest people in the world. Murphy's Law was written for us. Whatever can possibly go wrong, WILL. The check WILL be lost in the mail, the car WILL break down, the deals WILL fall apart, someone WILL get name it. I once dropped a payment off at a check cashing store for a utility bill that was late and was called hours later to be told an armed robber had entered as I left and stolen my check with the rest of the loot. Banks lose my deposits. I've been robbed, almost kidnapped as a child, sexually assaulted, had my life threatened at the tender age of 5 because my mom's new husband had a very jealous ex-wife and liked to suggest that I might 'disappear'...Luck??? Not for us. Whatever the worst case scenario is, we can count on it. Somehow, we just shrug most of it off anymore...we have each other, who needs the rest of it?

So, my new boss at my new job wants to solve our housing crisis. She tells me to just trust that "God will provide" and that she can swing me any kind of deal I need. She hands me a stack of houses to go check out this weekend. Why am I NOT remotely excited?

Because I lack faith.

Posted by Red :: 10:38 PM :: |

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The One

What can I say that EH didn't cover in his post below? Only "ditto". I tend to not pay as much attention to the interactions of S&M because it makes me sad. I love them, I know that they could be great together - but there has been so much damage done over the years. They never suffered a crisis of marriage, they just slowly grew to resent one another until the walls between them truly appear to be indestructable. Part of me wishes they'd split so they could be happy. Part of me wishes I could fix it. I can't.

EH is right about us. We've been together for 12 years - married for nearly 10. We hold hands, we snuggle, we laugh, we grope, we hug at every opportune moment. We're close. You can see it from a mile away. I'm sure to an outsider, we'd look like people in the young stages of love as opposed to an "old" married couple. We're very lucky.

I heard a song today called "How to Deal" and it caught my ear. It talked about how to cope when the love of your life is with someone else. I can't even imagine it. Part of being so madly in love is a deep fear of "what if".

Every day I worry that EH might be in an accident or hurt himself. Somewhere in my mind, I think I would just shut down if anything ever happened to him. I never really thought about him loving someone else. That probably sounds weird considering the 'cyber affair' drama of last year, but I have come to understand that he truly saw it as entertainment and had no emotions involved. There was never a doubt that he could love someone else. And I hope that there never is.

Beyond You & Me has a chapter posted that asks if you recognize "the one great love" when it arrives. My answer is yes, yes, yes. My first words to EH were "You'll make someone a good husband someday". And he has. I was drawn to him. Every moment I got to know him better found me falling just a bit more. It seemed like it took ages, but our relationship really was a whirlwind. We were living together less than 6 months after becoming involved. It was natural. Circumstances took us fast but it never felt rushed. It felt right.

My smile is brighter with EH. I am safe in his arms. I am happy to lie beside him. If we are in the same room, odds are good that we will touch once or twice every minute or two. A brush of a hand, a kiss, a squeeze of a bottom.

I know full well how lucky I am. How lucky WE are. We didn't earn this. We don't deserve it more than the next couple. We just got very, very lucky. And I thank my stars every single day.

A special shout-out to Dr. Lance - his baby girl was born on Sunday! He's a brand new Daddy!

If you've got a minute to spare, head over to Beyond You & Me and take the anonymous sex survey!

Posted by Red :: 6:54 PM :: |
Our Half of the Fourth

It was a rather fine weekend for the both of us, I must say. Mostly we spent time just relaxin’ and getting together with our friends on two separate occasions. It may be a sad fact but if there is anything needed to underscore how great OW and I have things it is to spend time with a couple who are completely adrift in their marriage.

Saturday, as my Bride reported, we saw “War of the Worlds” with them and the contrasts betwixt ourselves and the two of them is obvious. They rarely speak, hold hands, or interact on most levels. The Odd One and I meanwhile are in perpetual communicado. We said more to each other during the picture than they had all night—she repeatedly saying “I’m scared”, me tossing caustic comments due to my MST3K afflicted mind. Yesterday was even worse, the undercurrent of their tension blatant the whole while at their home, and it is clear how different my wife and I have things in our own relationship.

Small things, odd things, and things arcane to all but ourselves are always going on with us. Saturday found us in a store for needs and we made off with hair dye for the daughter and my love of dopey movie marketing was sated with a Bobba Fett Pez dispenser. Sunday saw us making love while “Jaws” played on the television, a possibly morbid thought but my fondness for sharks made it a rather natural thing. Most would be scratching their heads at such but to us it is all accepted with little more than a smile. WE understand, and that is all that matters.

Posted by The Even Husband :: 6:23 PM :: |

Monday, July 04, 2005

Proud to be an American

Happy 4th of July!
I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed this 3-day weekend. Chock full of fantastic sex, laughter, fun and relaxation.
We gave SG a bit of a makeover yesterday. We put two chunky bright blonde face framing streaks into her newly cut dirty blonde hair and this morning we gave one of them a thin strand of neon pink. She's loving her edgy new look and EH and I are probably the only parents on earth who cater to a 9 year old's desire to express her independence. SG is a major brainiac and has a VERY nice personality - so she can get labeled as a 'geek' easily enough based on glasses and brains. She's anything BUT a geek, so when she asked if she could give her look a tougher edge, we were right on board. She's really into the Anime', Tokyo, Cyber Punk styles. I think shopping for school clothes might be a heck of a lot more interesting this year.
We're heading to S&M's house for the day of fun, food and (hopefully) no fighting. They're having a rough time.
It's back to work tomorrow and I dread it just a little bit. At the same time, I see a lot of hope in it and I'm looking forward to the challenge.
With so much going on, I haven't forgotten the meaning of this day. It's not just a day off with pretty's the day that seems to celebrate everything this country stands for. Freedom. Justice. Democracy. I'm proud to be an American even if I am not always proud of things Americans do...
But I do take pride in the victories. I watched the clip of NASA during the Deep Impact collision this morning and it brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing moment in history. I can not wait to see what they discover. Way to go, NASA! If you haven't seen the video, CNN is linking it.
Love to you all today.

Posted by Red :: 11:45 AM :: |

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Selling Our Souls

I let myself sink into a bit of a snit last night over moving. The market is insane right now and whether we buy or rent, it's going to take a lot more money than I have to spare at the moment.

And thus, I am going to do a bit of housecleaning today and eBay everything that's not nailed down.

Should we rent, we'll need about $3,300. Should we buy, we'd need about $15,000. goal is to raise somewhere between $3,000 and $15,000 and get on with the show. I'm not panicking because if there's one thing I am - it's a survivor.

Should you get an insane urge to shop or to own Odd Wife/Even Husband artifacts, I'll post a link later to our listings.

Moving on!

This blog has been attracting lots of new readers the past few days thanks to prominent featuring on other blogs. I'm a true girl - so I admit to loving attention. It seems only right to point you right back at the blogs who have been so complimentary!

Beyond You & Me and Jay's Flying Solo - thanks for the shoutouts :)

Posted by Red :: 11:16 AM :: |

Saturday, July 02, 2005

There's a bluebird on my shoulder...

Woke with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. Snuggled close to my still naked husband. My hands immediately search out the one part of him that IS awake.

Cinnamon rolls for breakfast, trading jokes, laughing, bickering in the way we do (not seriously, but we joke-bicker)....

I'm worried a bit over moving. It's going to be more money than we have and ... well, I don't quite have it figured out yet. I thought it would be simple. Look for an apartment, find one, move.

Not quite.

The housing market in our area has gone through the roof. Property values have literally tripled and quadrupled in the past 12 months. A $60,000 condo from last year is now selling for $220,000. It's a pure sellers market and buyers are lining up and begging for a purchase. It's not uncommon for a home to have 20+ offers in the first 24 hours of being listed for sale, with 98% of the offers higher than the asking price. As a result, two things have happened to renters like us: One, a tremendous number of apartments have gone condo conversion to jump on the bandwagon. Two, the demand for rentals has increased beyond the supply. The first place we stopped, there were 14 people in the leasing office for 2 vacant apartments available in the next 30 days. She showed us the one model as a large tour group. 4 people left deposits that I saw. And that was just one hour of one day.

I'm concerned.

We saw War of the Worlds tonight with friends. Scary as hell. I had a kung-fu grip on EH during the entire thing. My hand is still sore.

Some things to put smiles on YOUR face:

Man vs. Bear - video here

Work it here

Terry Tate Goes Corporate - video here

Posted by Red :: 11:24 PM :: |
Loving My Husband

It's late and I'm up. Sex has the reverse effect on me as it does on men. It wakes me up. I did all I promised for EH and more. He's snoozing with a smile. I basked in the feel of his arms for a bit, then slipped away.

I was floored when I spotted this post on Jay's blog about my capacity for loving EH. A huge smile broke my face and I thought about it for hours tonight. I was filled with pride until it hit's all wrong.

First, EH has gotten a bad rap, thanks to me. You have to realize you're privy to my inner thoughts on blogland and I don't censor or hold back anything in real life, so blogging is even more deeply exposed thoughts. I tend to bitch when the mood strikes and it's not always warranted.

Yes, EH had a cyber affair last year with another blogger. It lasted a few months and culminated in repeated phone sex and too many emails to count. I found out about it and freaked and here we are.

In all my raging posts, did I ever mention how far we had grown apart? EH was working opposite hours of me and when he came home late at night, I was grouchy and bitter from spending the night alone. He worked weekends (every weekend) and I resented the hell out of him for it. We were barely speaking. And he found someone who wanted him for awhile...the bitch. We were both beginning to believe our marriage was over. If it hadn't been EH, it probably would have been me. He just cheated first.

Did I mention he was never unkind to me? Even during the 'affair' he treated me gently and with care.

It occured to me that I don't deserve any pat on the back for being obsessed with my own husband - he's brought this out in me.

It's been over 11 years and EH has never criticized me. Ever. Not once. He's never taken a bad mood out on me. I've exploded at him more times than you could count. EH gets frustrated, not mad. He sulks quietly (which drives me nuts!) - when I get angry...hell hath no fury. I'm an Irish redhead. If I'm pissed off, the roof is coming off, baby. Flames shoot from my fingertips. It's a miracle I've never taken a life.

EH goes out of his way to see that my needs are met. Whether it's buying me a book he thinks I would like, leaving a rose from one of the many rose bushes he buys me on my steering wheel, caressing me, taking care of me if I am name it. This man is good to me. After 11+ years, he still holds the doors for me (car doors too), still orders for me in a restaurant, still holds my hand when we walk.

He pours me a glass of wine when I come home from a bad day. He rubs my back. He does anything I ask of him without complaint. EH's most dreaded moments are when I begin a sentence with "Hon, would you do me a favor?" (about 300x per day).

EH treats me like a precious thing and as a result, I have lost my whole heart to him. How could I not be so in love with this man?

Classic moment in our life (and I am sure I have told this before): Many years ago, when SG was small and I worked from home, EH and I lived like total slobs. I hated it, but hated housework even more. One day, I called a cleaning service and hired them to come in and clean every other week. I never told EH. The first day they came, the house was spotless. It shined, gleamed, sparkled and smelled like heaven. When EH walked in the door, I was collapsed on the couch as he marveled in shock at the pristine house and I whined that I had scrubbed and cleaned all day just for him. He insisted I relax - as I must be VERY tired and he prepared dinner. I snickered at my cleverness and did just that.

This went on for months. Each time, I took full credit for the clean house. One day, I couldn't afford it anymore and let the service go. In no time at all, the house was a mess again. EH finally asked "How come you don't keep the house clean like you used to?" I laughed and told him the entire truth.

He smirked at me and said "I know." I stared dumbly at him while he went on to explain that the first day I had hired the company, I hung up with them and went to the grocery store. When he came home, the phone rang and he answered. It was the service, wanting directions. He knew from DAY ONE and let me get away with that scheme.

That's love...

Don't mistake EH for a pushover or 'whipped' either. He sees straight through my bullshit and has the decency not to call me on it. He gives me the benefit of the doubt. He's definitely NOT a pushover. I know that he knows when I am full of shit...we both just play it off. He lets me believe I am right, I stop throwing a tantrum. He's a smart guy...I'm convinced he walks away rolling his eyes where I can't see and muttering "...that bitch". If he does, he hides it VERY well.

Listen, I whine, I sulk, I pout, I'm self-centered and difficult. Stubborn as a mule. Bossy. Pushy. A temper that could frighten Rambo. I am not an easy woman to takes a patient, selfless man. It takes the patience of a damned saint...

It occurs to me that I'm not a better person for being so crazy about this man I married...

I'm crazy about this man because he's the better person.

Posted by Red :: 1:39 AM :: |

Friday, July 01, 2005

Oh, Happy Day!

Despite an initially stress-filled morning at work, midday found me beaming with pride at having spearheaded a closing without supervision or assistance. $161,000 under my exclusive control and it seems to have gone swimmingly!

The day took a dramatic turn when I escaped the office at 3 pm for the day!

My manager had an experience Wednesday night that inspired me. She was working an all-nighter (as she's done much of this week) and had sent her children home with the company owner's who borrowed her truck for space and left her the Jag. At about 3 am, she grew exhausted and decided to head home for a few hours sleep and a shower. She grabbed a keyring and locked the office and headed to the parking lot. Realizing she had left her purse/cell phone in the office, she shrugged it off and continued to the Jag. Imagine her surprise when the keys didn't fit. She had grabbed the wrong set.

She was locked out with no phone or money in the middle of a somewhat remote area at 3 am. Instead of pitching a fit or getting upset, she climbed the stairs to the rooftop and pulled two chairs together and stretched out. Being a religious woman, she asked "God, what is this?" and she felt the answer was "I had to slow you down to get you to talk to me".

When we (as a company) arrived at work at 8:30 am, we found her curled up, patiently waiting someone to let her in. Without letting her bright smile slip even a notch, she grabbed her purse and headed home to shower and came back in under an hour ready to work.

What blew my mind was how she handled the situation with grace and inspiration. She genuinely felt God had slowed her down to force her to spend time with him.

Now, I'm Pagan, but I got much out her mishap. I've felt for some time that I've been neglecting the spiritual side of my life and this hit home. I wondered what the Goddess might have to say to me.

Off early, I headed straight for my favorite witchy shop where I replenished my candle supply and treated myself to two meditation cd's and a crystal. When I left, the afternoon rains had begun and I tipped my head back and let it fall on my face. I felt renewed.

I beat EH and SG home and settled in to my cd. My first was actually a self-hypnosis cd and I achieved levels of relaxation that I never knew existed. I woke at the final command and spent some time appreciating the beauty of the patterns on our ceiling.

I feel rebalanced.

EH joined me just as I woke (fresh from a shower!) and immediately began to engage in some skin time. Unfortunately, I had to turn him down for the second time today since our young one was still wide awake and about. But when she falls asleep, I am going to pounce on that man. The idea of two wasted erections just kills me.

There will be some serious caressing, stroking, nibbling, licking and sucking going on in the Odd Household and then I plan to treat him to some seriously napalm-hot sex. Doc Johnson's brand new tube of Good Head may well be depleted tonight. I encourage you to click on that link and read a dead-on review of if you aren't familiar with this treat. I like the Juicy Passion Fruit flavor, myself, but the mint sounds nice too! I was curious as to what this stuff did and read this article to confirm my suspicions. First, it tastes very nice. Not in a cheap, flavored lube way - but rather in a candy way. EH becomes my personal lollipop with this and there's no after taste. Second, it has a cool tingly sensation to the lucky guy that pleases and there's a very, very subtle numbing effect that happens to your mouth which allows you to take him in deeper and not feel a tired jaw sensation. I discovered that I could orally please EH for an eternity without tiring of it.

Again, I can't recommend it enough. For me, already an oral-addict, this was a welcome discovery to make it even better. For someone new or hesistant with oral sex, this stuff will help ease you into it and make it mutually pleasurable.

And...somehow this post has digressed to blow jobs. I warned you that I have a one-track mind and now you know exactly what's on it!

What I meant to tell you was that I feel renewed, restored, relaxed and delightfully alive!

Posted by Red :: 7:16 PM :: |
The Nightmare

The alarm clock rang 13 minutes late this morning (or EH was hitting snooze!) and woke me from a bad dream that left me shaken and sad. In my dream, EH had fallen in love with another woman and was leaving me. Things were turning ugly.

I woke to find myself lying beside my husband's warm body and told him about the dream with a trembling lower lip.

He reassured me in many ways that it was only a bad dream and guided my hand to the part of his body that was the most awake. One thing led to another and soon we were locked together, both muttering "We really have to get up".

I woke from the bad dream to find myself beside my husband who does indeed love me very much. I can't help thinking how symbolic these few moments this morning were.

I have definitely woken from the bad dream and found EH and I together and in love.

Now, on with the day!

Posted by Red :: 7:58 AM :: |
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