Monday, January 31, 2005

Sexual Dynamics

Human dynamics have always intrigued me. The interactions between people, relationships and character. I often find myself studying someone else and wondering what motivates them. What makes them tick. What drives them. What turns them on.

As a child, I used to wish I could be invisible so that I could silently observe people and see what they did when they thought that they were alone. I still wonder about that.

EH was interested to read the blog tonight, and truthfully I was curious to how he’d react to my post about slipping into the bathroom for a little solo fun. I fidgeted a bit and confessed that I worried he might disapprove. He didn’t. He agreed with ShortStoryDude and said it was hot. And thus, a new dynamic of our relationship took place.

I don’t openly touch myself in front of EH unless it’s in the act of hot sex. In over 10 years, he’s “caught” me once and instead of embarrassment, I just pulled him into the tub with me. I’m not ashamed that I pleasure myself…heck, EH should be relieved – imagine the pressure on him if I didn’t!

As much as I have always enjoyed my own touch, other people’s sexuality intrigues me. I mentioned in yesterday’s post how I had coaxed EH into demonstrating his own stroke in front of me. While he may have hesitated, he saw clearly and immediately how fascinated I was. I was riveted. It was without a doubt, the sexiest thing I have ever seen. That image burned into my mind and I must have replayed it a million times in the past 24 hours. And I know, without doubt, that EH will forever be able to move me to a state of wet, warm arousal in this manner instantaneously.

For a couple together as long as we have been together, it is refreshing to find ourselves rediscovering new sexy thrills together. I find myself fantasizing about more experimentation and discovery…

The next part may seem a little hard to believe…

Despite what happened in the past, and my intense feelings on it – I have always had a bit of a secret arousal at the idea of EH being turned on by another woman. Before you decide I am a lunatic, hear me out…

There is a major difference between fantasy and reality. I have fantasized many times about making love to EH with another woman. Watching her take him in her mouth. Kissing him as she sucked him. Just the idea of it makes my entire body tingle. But I could never actually do that because I would forever worry about disease, cheating (when I am not involved), etc. Still, the fantasy is hot and has taken me over the edge of an orgasm on many occasions. I’d be interested to take EH to an exotic dance club and treat him to a VIP room lap dance. This is very different from the indiscretion that caused so much trouble because it’s not about secrecy, connections or betrayal. I have control in the situation and the power to draw boundaries and remove anything that makes me uncomfortable.

EH has been careful to not express interest in this direction, most likely to keep me from feeling jealous or worried. Actually a fairly smart move on his part. It’s partially his air of indifference that makes the idea so appealing to me. I suspect it’s a large part of what turns me on.

Whatever our future together holds, sexually, emotionally, romantically – I believe it’s going to be something incredibly special and loving filled with tenderness, passion, genuine love and lots and lots of delicious sex…

And speaking of delicious sex…I’m going to try to coax that man of mine upstairs for some playtime…and no doubt, at some point, I’ll be imagining some rather dirty things during the fun.

Posted by Red :: 11:01 PM :: | --------------------------------------- She Bop

For reasons of which I am not aware TOW had nervous reservations about me reading of her ononistic attempt in the tile room yesterday. As free and open as she is I have certainly had moments to bare witness to that activity, either solo or while we are together. The only question I have regarding her getting up from the computer so she could finger the touch pad on her laptop is that any time I speak with her during the day she is always too busy and swamped with work. At the very least she had her hand(s) full.

It had to be carryover from the weekend. Between a lengthy wrestling match with a water heater, (as she detailed) and our carving through the first discs of the “Alias” Season One DVDs we spent a fair amount of time shopping, both for necessities and frivolities. And grateful was I that on both lengthy sojourns we managed to include relatively crucial negligee purchases. One was a nice black camisole with pink underwire piping—pure her. The next day I am proud to say that we spotted a corset shaped camisole--proud because we each found the same item independently. Agreement is 50% of the formula to nightwear success. (It may look fantastic, but if she doesn’t wear it all you have is a satin and lace toilet seat cover.)

Which leads to my humorous TOW moment of the weekend. We traded thrills—me enjoying the nighttime romp and she having the morning advantage—and this led to a day of shopping and chores. Late in the day I passed her in the kitchen and she tried to get a backdoor slider over the plate. She had this look of mild concern as she tells me, “You know, I just don’t seem to have any drive left in me, and I thought we’d be tearing each other’s clothes off all weekend. But now I just don’t feel it.” I comment that it may have something to do with the orgasm she had that morning, but she assured me it was not the case, she simply had nothing.

Barely an hour later with our daughter singing to herself in the bath we were testing physiological logistics in the kitchen while tending to boiling pots. So I think she is fine.


***(Later) Side note: By the final few words of the above post, I was already taking EH in my mouth and he was forced to cut his posting short. Pardon the abrupt ending, but neither of us is capable of being apologetic. Mmmm-mmm-mmm!

Posted by Anonymous :: 10:35 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Pet Me & Pet Peeve...

I don't know what has gotten into me in the past hour. Maybe sushi has turned out to be an aphrodisiac. Maybe I'm thinking about EH too much. Maybe a few sexy blogs drew me in a bit...

Either way, I had the urge to slip into the ladies room for a few minutes...if you know what I mean.

Solo Coitus Interruptus! Which brings me to my pet peeve du jour...

What the fuck is the deal with the new trend of using a cell phone WHILE you pee in a public restroom. That is just totally obnoxious and disgusting...not to mention heinously rude to the other people in the stalls. Lately it seems like every time I use the restroom, some socially retarded bimbo is yammering away on her cell phone while peeing. Nice multi-tasking, princess!

So much for satisfaction. She was taking forever in her very dull conversation, so I flushed the toilet 87 times and left.

And now I'm cranky...

Whatever.

Posted by Red :: 3:05 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Random...

Saturday morning – while cleaning the house and listening to “Retro-Active” music on satellite.

Me, dreamily dusting to Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’: “I want to be loved like Peter Gabriel loves that girl in this song”

EH, without missing a beat: “He wrote it for a guy.”

Me: “Jerk”


Saturday morning

Plumber installing hot water heater, “This will only take about 30 minutes…real quick.”

EH and I exchange glances. We know better.

…moments later…

Plumber, plastered against the wall, pinned by 55 gallons of exploding water, sputtering and cursing.

Me: “Um, can I get you a towel?”

…3 hours later, after EH knocking the framing out of the storage area doorway and EH and the plumber sawing a hole in the wall to make the water heater fit…(it was one inch too wide)

Me: “Your first mistake was saying it would be quick. You don’t know us.”


Saturday evening – browsing a store’s scented bath and lotion products.

EH, inspecting a bottle of lotion: “You know that white chocolate martini body lotion that I’m going to rub all over you tonight? They have shower gel”

Me, staring into space: “I didn’t hear a word you said after ‘rub all over you tonight’.

Nearby shopper, overhearing: “Nice…!”


Saturday night – heading out to dinner, wearing my new black pants and funky striped black blouse.

EH, staring at my ass: “Your ass looks great in those pants”

Me, wiggling: “Should I shake it? Shake it ‘like a Polaroid picture’?”

SG, listening in: “Um. Shake it like it’s PG-13, Mom.”


Late Saturday night… (sounds of heavy breathing)

“Damn, I love you….”


Sunday morning, lying in bed, waking up

Me, nestling against EH: “I had this weird bad dream that we were leaving Disney World and you ran ahead of us to get the car and then we couldn’t find you.”

EH: “I would never leave you at Disney World.”

Me: “Where would you leave me?”

EH: “Well…Islands of Adventure, maybe…”

…moments later…

Me, pouting (in a joking fashion): “I’m really mad at you! You left me in my dream”

EH, rolling over: “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll go back to sleep and dream about buying you something nice.”

…several moments later…

(sounds of heavy breathing) “Damn you feel good…” "Touch yourself like this" "Mmmm, that's nice..."

..."I love you so much."


My weekend. Simply perfect!

Posted by Red :: 11:34 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Friday, January 28, 2005

To Do List...

1. Shower
2. Living Room
3. Kitchen
4. Bedroom
5. Courtyard
6. Stairs

Maybe that list should have been more aptly titled "Places to do it". "It" as in it.

The ladies-days are behind me. The trip to Disney is over. The work-week has ended. A solid weekend of simple things around the house to do.

So, I'm thinking lots and lots of sex. Sweet, soft sex. Crazy, upside down Tarzan and Jane sex. Scary, mysterious voodoo sex. Funny, tickl-ey clown sex. You name it. I'm up for it.

I hope EH has taken his vitamins this week...we're overdue for some marathon sex.



Go get some of your own, and have a great weekend! Except for you. And you. But everyone else - go get it.

Posted by Red :: 4:24 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Odd News Has Been Posted

Check it out here...

Posted by Red :: 4:03 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Looking forward to...

The little things.

This weekend would be dull be anybody else's standards. It looks like we will finally get the water heater repaired (about damned time...) tomorrow morning. Tonight will be spent watching movies and TV while moving furniture and preparing for the repairs.

Tomorrow...repairs, more housework. Laundry. Movies. TV. Possibly a brief stint in the park with our dog and child.

Sunday...rent a carpet cleaning contraption and try to restore the carpeting to pre-flood conditions.

Dull, right?

But you won't see the curling up together on the couch and giggling while tossing popcorn at each other. And you won't see us laughing when too many suds flow from the carpet cleaning machine. Or when I rat-tail whack EH on the bottom while folding towels. Or us lying side by side in the brilliantly green grass at the park while our labrador romps with our daughter. You won't see the tender looks when we lie in the dark, facing each other and not saying a word. You won't see EH sneak up behind me to cop a feel while I wash dishes (I still don't get that one...) You'll miss the look of content on our faces when we drop on the couch late Sunday night and survey the newly cleaned house with satisfaction.

Still, I'm really looking forward to our dull weekend together. Somehow those are the most special ones of all.

Posted by Red :: 1:23 PM :: | --------------------------------------- La-La-La-La-LA Means I Love You

It just doesn't change. Sometimes I get upset with him, I get frustrated, I get angry or hurt and still I look at EH and I just love that man with everything I have. That never changes.

With things being what they've been this week, EH has been sick over it all. I can tell when he looks at me that he's waiting for me to throw up my hands and say I'm tired of it all and walk away. Never.

This morning, in the office, chatting with the receptionist in the kitchen. I say, almost to myself, "I miss EH". Receptionist asks where he is and I reply "Work". It's not as if he's on a trip or away...or as if I hadn't seen him just an hour or two ago. But still, I miss him even now.

Lying beside him, snuggled close when we fall asleep. Whispering to each other. Sharing thoughts, feelings, ideas...focused on us entirely. Wrapped up in each other after so many years.

EH feels like home to me...

And that never changes.

Posted by Red :: 11:20 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Thursday, January 27, 2005

That Lost Weekend

I came to her office Friday afternoon, shrugging off the work day with the anticipation of a weekend ahead. However her desk was empty and soon she appeared with a look of confused concern. She had been to the bathroom repeatedly for the last hour and soon had to return again, even though she felt no urge. That was when she whispered her concern on the possibility that her water may have broken. The three of us made a direct route to the ER.

Our daughter, who had campaigned hard for the arrival of a younger member, was in attendance and her apprehension was evident in her questions. She is atypical for her age in that she handles these matters in a wise manner and we informed her of the situation in a scientific fashion. We readied her for low odds but she held hope. Our good friend came all the way out to the hospital and collected her in the waiting room in order to stay with them for the next few days.

Now the downtown ER on a weekend night is quite active and it tends to attract a dynamic throng, resembling a bus depot, only with gauze. TOW was brought back early but we were relegated to a small room with her having to endure resting on a rigid examining table for a few hours. That was when we were told there was little that could be done once the amniotic fluid has been voided at this early stage: her pregnancy was at the exact halfway point, almost to the day. We didn’t speak much for some time but we kept in constant communication, rarely letting go of each other.

Near 1:00 am we made it to the sonogram room and amazingly we could see our son Christian was still alive in his collapsed environs—heart still beating, movements still visible, but hope still negative. We had reached the point of consignment by then and the fact that our son was still persevering made it all the more futilely bitter. Then we had to go through the motions of a traditional delivery with the knowledge that we would have no such resolution. She was brought up to a maternity room and the staff was wonderful in their attention but there was no mistaking the quiet somberness that hung in the room like a wet curtain.

By 4:30 I was told that I should just go home because she would be under heavy medication and would not be fully conscious, so I should just get some sleep. We live blocks away so I acquiesced and took some restless slumber in an empty bed. At 7:30 TOW called in a drowsy and cheerless voice to let me know that she had gone through with it. I raced over to her and came to find out she had been more cognizant than promised and endured some significant pain as well, and her lucidity was a mixed blessing from seeing our stillborn child. Upon arrival I was offered the chance to take a look at him and I thought hard about it for a few minutes. I eventually elected to bypass the opportunity, the feeling that seeing my son in a sterile plastic container would only add to the emotional heft of the day.

TOW recovered relatively quickly but was mandated to spend another day at the hospital, a compulsory post-delivery 24 hours. The day was quiet with me running out and getting supplies as needed and spending the night in the room. We had gotten to accept things with good enough spirit but then we still faced another hard instance. Our daughter came back home on Sunday and we knew it was going to be a rough task of letting her know that she lost a brother, made even tougher when she bounced out of their truck full of optimism, asking if they were able to save him. We were rejoined with tears for the evening.

After some time my wife found just the exact tone to strike with this event. The news of her pregnancy coincided within days of our marriage being shaken with my transgressions on the internet, and she explained that maybe he was meant to be the catalyst to our recovery. She tells our daughter that he was angel sent down to keep the two of us together when things were looking dire, and I cannot think of a more apt explanation. The chains of our marriage were certainly being abused by myself, but he managed to have been the one link that kept us together at that vital stage. He not only gave us a reason to stay together but also reminded the both of us about what was really important.

Good night Christian. And Thank You…

Posted by Anonymous :: 11:13 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Christian

Today was my due date. It seems hard to believe that I might have been having a baby today instead of going about my day.

Christian was born on August 28, 2004 at 18 weeks. Had it been 2 weeks later, he could have been saved. He was an unexpected gift, we had tried to have a second child for years with no success and had given up. But we had also not bothered with precautions since another child would have been welcomed. Unfortunately, he was more than unexpected - his timing was not good. I found out I was pregnant 6 days before I found out about EH's relationship. When I first learned of the pregnancy, I thought it would bring us back together when we had drifted apart in the months prior. We were both shocked by the baby. There were so many times I wished I wasn't pregnant in those days. I was expecting to leave my husband and couldn't imagine being a single, working mother, pregnant, with no financial or emotional support. It has been suggested that I "got my wish". But only EH and I will ever know how much I wanted Christian. I was heartbroken, stressed, terrified, sick, full of hormones and very unhappy...but I wanted that baby in my arms. My office actually gave me a baby doll when they learned I was pregnant to hold and cuddle while I waited for the baby to come.

PROM, or premature rupture of the membranes occurs without clear warning or cause. I was leaving work on a Friday afternoon and my water broke. We drove straight to the ER and I was admitted immediately. The ultrasound showed a massive rupture which drained all of the fluid. We asked repeatedly what caused this and we were told that stress was the likely culprit. It's true that this is only a best guess. The truth is, not much is known about the causes of PROM.

The photos above are not of Christian. He was born deceased and no one was taking pictures. But I did have the opportunity to see him and this is the best representation of his size/appearace. The baby in these pictures is "the world's baby and was 8.6 ounces at birth. Christian was 8.8 ounces...a little large for his stage of development which leads us to wonder if he was actually 19 weeks.

Developmentally, head to bottom, Christian was approximately 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a large sweet potato). His arms and legs were in the right proportions to each other and the rest of his body now and he was able to flex his arms and legs — movements that I was starting to notice more and more. His blood vessels would have been visible through his skin (and I actually recall seeing this and describing him as translucent) and his ears were in position and stood out from his head. Myelin (a protective covering) was beginning to form around his nerves, a process that would have continued for a year after he was born. His genitals are noticeable, letting us know he was indeed a little boy. The hair on his scalp was sprouting, athough I couldn't see it. He was born during a crucial time for sensory development: his brain was designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch.

I was alone in my room when he was actually born, after hours of labor. I was heavily sedated with Demerol and kept waking in the middle of the night screaming in pain...at which point they would dose me with more Demerol. I had sent EH home to sleep, he was exhausted and had not left my side. We knew we were losing him from the start. The nurses and doctors made it clear that he could not be saved...but that he might be born alive.

His lungs were not developed enough to breath on his own. My greatest fear was that he might be born alive and I would watch him die. At 6:50 am, I woke and felt a sensation that suggested he was out. I was so afraid to move or pull the sheets back because I had no idea what I might see. I buzzed for the nurse and said "I think it's out" (we had no idea if he was a boy or girl yet). The nurses came in, looked and told me the child had been born. I asked if he was alive and they told me he was not. I asked if he was a boy or girl and they peeked and said "boy".

Then I asked to see him and they all froze. They asked if I was sure and I was. And so they sat me up and I looked. He was turned, so I saw his feet first. Tiny toes, tiny foot. Then his leg - long and thin and translucent. Then his face, all tiny and wrinkled. The Demerol either kicked in or they dosed me again, because the next thing I knew, I was down again and dizzy and 'out of it'. I managed to call EH and he arrived minutes later. Christian had been taken away and although they asked, EH chose not to look. He had no idea what he might see and was more worried about me. (Though I was already knocked out again).

This weekend we're going to make a memorial stone ... like a stepping stone. We have no grave to visit and I want something tangible to remember he was real.

I miss you, little man. It would have been wonderful to know you.

Posted by Red :: 11:20 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

And, in closing, to answer a question posed to me...it's Florida law that your spouse join you in holding title to property.

Posted by Red :: 8:24 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Reality TV

For starters, readers - your comments, the good and the bad, mean the world to both of us. We're open to the criticism and we cherish the kind words. The emails are so touching...thank you.

But sometimes, one really stands out to you. I just received an email that I HAD to share with you immediately...the writer says this was posted on his own blog, so I am assuming (hopefully not incorrectly) that it's okay to repost here. (If not, let me know) I am so deeply relieved that someone read this and understood it. I openly admit I have good days and bad days. I make mistakes, I react from pure rage, I try things and sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. I love your kind words, but I am just as open to your criticisms...even if they sting a little. Even if I argue them. Even if I get mad. It doesn't mean I didn't need to hear it.

Without further ado...(thank you so much for this)

Hey, I hope that this is cool. I read your blog this a.m. and was moved to respond, not only in a comment, but also on my own blog. Thanks for sharing your reality. For anything I got wrong here or misunderstood, please forgive- that’s the main reason why I didn’t include a link to your blogspot…
Hang in there, you guys.
d


reality tv
i read something amazing this morning.

as i was snooping around, exploring other people's blogs, i came upon a blog that was reality blogging at its best. no artsy musings. no vacation pictures. no swearing or chatspeak... just a captivating story of a man and a woman and the other woman. it read like a sequel: 'song of solomon- healing the seven year itch'

as far as i could tell, the moral failure took place about a year ago. however, rather than throw away everything that this couple had agreed to marry about in the first place, they stuck it out amidst mistrust, humiliations, accusations and misplaced questions from others about emotional stability.

from the sound of things, it hasn't been a smooth ride, but at a time when the 'for better' is honoured and the 'for worse' is disregarded, these two are holding on for dear life. although there are other characters in the saga- many who will advise, many who will criticize, many who will close their eyes to the love that still remains- the central theme is one of ongoing restoration. nothing in this life is a done deal; everything is a process.

was it a tad voyeuristic to read this? well i suppose it would be if someone had smuggled cameras into the private lives of these people and then splashed those lives all over the net for the curious to download. but the story that is unfolding is a public one of pain and patience, conscience and commitment. the openness is part of the healing. the blog was started by the wife in the story, but recently the husband has also begun contributing his spin, offering the readers a beautiful two-sided dialogue and discourse much like we see in so many reality tv shows. the difference is that, whereas there is some painful honesty, there is no back-stabbing.

so here i am, thinking about how i process things. how i forgive. how i pursue or accept forgiveness. and i am remembering scriptures which speak of indiscretions shouted from rooftops in times where nothing is truly private. and i'm finding myself returning again and again to, in my opinion, one of the most romantic movies i've ever seen: 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' and asking whether anything is actually big enough to overcome a heart committed to that connection that begins the very first time you say 'i love you' in the dark.

Posted by Red :: 11:28 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Brighter

Coming to terms...

Last night, tired and lying in bed beside EH after discussing what we need to do about the troubles in our path, damage control and whatnot. EH wrote his post, asked me to read it and then we sat to discuss. I caved and smoked a cigarette (I quit New Years) on the front step in the brisk cold night air. My insides were just vibrating with emotions and I craved something - anything - to calm my nerves. EH revealed his own nerves when he took it from me and inhaled deeply a couple times. Me worried over what should be done. Him worried over me.

We talked in that way that only two very close people can talk. I spoke freely of my confusion of the emotions I have. The intense hatred inside me unlike any ugly feeling I have experienced, my worries that he'll hurt me again, how I'm grateful it happened because it brought us back together and made us closer and stronger than ever but I'm also hurt and angry that it happened at all. We spoke of how it came to happen so quickly...the troubles between EH and I were new and had only been issues for a matter of a few months. We shared our feelings, our thoughts, our worries, our pain.

And then we just wrapped our arms around each other and held on. We talked about how much we love one another and how strong we feel now together.

For the very ugly and bitter and painful path, it really is a better place to be.

Posted by Red :: 7:30 AM :: | --------------------------------------- 1-26

EH and I discussed things last night regarding the 'newest attack' from the other woman. There is a long list of things I would like to address and respond to in her accusations, but then we remain in the pattern of present. She does/says something nasty to me, I do/say something nasty to her. And thanks to blogs and internet technology, we both have enough ammunition and information to take this thing to extremes. And before you know it, you aren't reading about this on a blog, you're reading it on CNN.

It seemed appropriate from our side to take a different approach. EH began this mess and EH wishes to be the one to have the final say on our side. And then it truly is done for us. While I maintain that I will discuss my thoughts and feelings at will, I will also temper my statements regarding her.

A person with a capacity for great love and passion also has a capacity for great hatred. I have never hated the way I have come to hate. This was another topic of discussion last night. It is far easier to hate than to hurt. And I have let hatred soothe the hurt. The only problem is that with time - hatred grows while hurt fades.

It's time to deal more with the hurt than the hate. We'll see what comes of this.

This is over. EH made his choice and it was me. No matter what trouble or pain others try to cause, that doesn't change. I still win. There is no motivation for continuing to try to remain in our lives. The choice was made.

With that mess cleaned up, we want out of it. The harassment from the other side needs to stop now and we will not say or do anything further to provoke the attacks. If we have to continue down this road, it will be through legal channels.

I do accept my part in this war. I blog as a sort of diary and that includes my feelings on what happened and this woman. And those are not pretty feelings. Because I have kept it anonymous and have not identified her to you, that should be allowable. But she reads this blog. And it just provokes her. And that is not conducive to keeping the peace.

With that, EH feels that he needs to be the one to end it - so below is his post.

- OW

Posted by Red :: 6:40 AM :: | --------------------------------------- 1-26

As many know the past week or so has seen a volley of terse words being bandied about the blogosphere between my wife and the woman I had been involved with last year. This situation has been more than a strain for our marriage and we have been gradually building ourselves back up to a stronger than ever level, a testament to TOW’s strength of character, but it is a character that has been called into question.

Part of our rebuilding process involved my wife creating this blog as a way of dealing with what transpired, a practice many others do on a daily basis. She graciously invited me after some time to partake with her on this site as a way to further meld our union. I had trepidations at first, but I have warmed to the idea and now wish I could join in more often. Nonetheless I do have to address things in a direct fashion now, so I send this out towards the woman I had been involved with:

To start, thank you for the decision regarding your archives on your site; it goes farther in helping than you know. We truly are on a path of strong recovery and, like yourself, we are looking ahead and would rather not be dragged back to a time when things were bleaker.
There has been tension passed between yourself and my wife of late, and in my view I don’t see it as necessary. She is the one who needs to deal with my actions, and her words on this blog are one method which I support in that process. She has been labeled at times as being unstable or untruthful. These appellations are completely wrong, but more than that, they are misdirected. I was the one who had acted in a dishonorable fashion and thereby feel it is inappropriate for my wife to have her honor called into question. If there are slings and barbs to be pitched they should be aimed at me. She is the victim in this and needs to deal with the ramifications in her way. I was in the wrong and therefore I belong in the crosshairs, not my wife.
One other objection I have to raise is towards the man with which you are currently involved. His opinion is one thing, but I have to take issue with his weighing in on this ordeal when it predates him measurably and he has no empirical basis with which to lecture my wife on how to cope, and by what timetable. What transpired a year ago should have no effect on his condition today, which therefore requires no involvement at all from himself.
It has been stated by all parties that they/we wish to move on from this point and to set the things in the past. We are all on a new course with our lives and I agree that nothing is to be achieved with bringing up items we have moved beyond. I truly appreciate your decision regarding your archives, and for any further discretion.

Posted by Anonymous :: 6:16 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Yes, We Know...

I can't respond to everyone personally, but if you emailed me today, consider this to you. :)

Yes, we know.

We're handling it.

Thanks!

Posted by Red :: 7:05 PM :: | --------------------------------------- The Very Best in Life

EH's card to me...a black and white snapshot of two little girls laughing under a sprinkler.

Inside, the printed message "You're a constant remnder of how fun life is supposed to be."

The handwritten message: "Ok, I know it is a chick card, but the sentiment was spot on. The fact is that I cannot find a gift that will make you feel the way I do when I look at you. The whole weekend at Orlando was fun, but every so often I would look over at you and your smile made me forget where I was for a moment. It beat every thrill ride I went on. Your face with a smile is a gift I get every day."


Is it any wonder I love this man?

He also bought me a custom birthday cake complete with pink icing and a tiara on top of the message "Happy Birthday Princess".

It just doesn't get any better than this.


Updated now that the card is with me to be accurate

Posted by Red :: 6:29 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Monday, January 24, 2005

Quiz Fun...

Or, more accurately titled...what I am doing while I SHOULD be working...

Where Beauty Lies (Click to see where MY beauty lies according to this quiz)

What Color Are You? (Click to see what color I am according to this quiz)

Posted by Red :: 5:43 PM :: | --------------------------------------- They're Ba-a-a-ck....

...And one of us is a birthday princess today!

The weekend trip had it's moments, but it was wonderful overall. We stayed at Disney's Pop Century Resort which hands-down wins the tackiest hotel award. You just can't define tacky until you're standing next to a building adorned with a 3 story perfect replica of a Big Wheel bike and covered in giant mood rings. We had a disco wallpaper border, so of course - I loved it.

Disney was a blast. We began in Animal Kingdom and spent the rest of the day in MGM. Aerosmith's Rock n' Rollercoaster is indescribably amazing and fun. It's advertised as "0 to 60 in 2.6 seconds" and damned if that's not true. In line, you can see the cars take off and they just become this blur before your eyes. It's crazy, but the ride is silky smooth without a bump or jerk. I loved it. The Tower of Terror was my all-time favorite. The hotel is so detailed and beautiful and the drop is a sensation like no other.

The Fantasmic show is breathtaking. Yes, I cried. I was so in awe. I love the beauty of the lights, the fire, the music and my favorite characters.

Sunday was all about the Magic Kingdom, of course...still my very favorite.

My favorite Disney character is the Wicked Queen from Snow White. Her beauty is breathtaking and I love her 'wicked' attitude. She was in a parade at MGM and I was jumping up and down and waving and blowing kisses at her. She gave me the dirtiest look and it was as if George Clooney had blown me a kiss! I mean, really - if she had smiled and waved back I would have lost all respect for her. Stay in charcter, people!

The company was good. EH was the very best. He looked smoking hot the entire time and was suave and smooth and attentive and everything I love. SG had some cranky moments, but we got past them. I did harbor a strong desire to firmly discipline my best friends children about 794 times. She's a genius. She could solve that pesky world hunger problem with the proper authority, but parenting is not necessarily her strongest point. She lets those children get away with murder. I love her, so I'll shut up now...

The temperature dropped quickly Sunday night and we were freezing. We headed home and arrived snug in bed by just past midnight. Exhausted.

I got some super-cool souveniers. A 'Nightmare Before Christmas' license plate for my car that is awesome. It's black and purple with Jack Skellington's skull-head between the words "Nite" "Mare". I love it. It's going to look smashing on my black car. I also got a black, long sleeved t-shirt with Skellington on the front and his skulls down the left arm. EH and I are sharing that one. And, a Wicked Queen enamel pin plus a Jessica Rabbit enamel pin. EH thinks Jessica Rabbit represents me, which is certainly amusing. My good pal, Grabby Man (who of course was present), pointed out that there is one slight difference between me and Jessica. She's not bad, she's just drawn that way. EH liked that and agrees. Apparently being a bad girl is appreciated in my neck of the woods.

We retrieve our Retriever tonight. Our labrador retriever, that is, from his Canine Camp. I'm dying to see him. Coming home and not being attacked with 85 lbs of love makes for a lonely welcome.

But Scarecrow, I think I missed you most of all.

Fun was had but it is good to be back! EH is planning to make me an all-request meal! Once I digest the lunch my co-workers bought me I'll get to deciding what I'd like. I got tons of cards and little gifts and flowers here at work. It's nice to be loved!

Mostly, I'd just like to take a bite out of EH. Damn, that man makes my mouth water.

Love to you all and THANK YOU for the birthday wishes, comments, emails, ecards and all!

I love attention on my birthday! :)
(as opposed to the other days when I still expect the world to revolve around me)

Posted by Red :: 11:23 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Randomness Before Our Break

There was a star sighting this morning, as uber-blogger Anna Marie Cox, the force behind WONKETTE, was on the Don Imus program. I’d be guessing she is working overtime this week with all the inaugural festivities. Curiously she spent the entire segment with her head turned sideways and her hair hanging down over her face, as if to preserve her identity, even though she is well known in the D.C. area. I was struck how her light hair and Elmer’s Glue complexion were in direct opposition to the illustration she uses as her site’s masthead.


I’m shaking my head over the confirmation hearings for Condeleeza Rice for Secretary of State. Barbara Boxer laid into Dr. Rice over the lack of WsMD in Iraq, insinuating that she misled the nation and basically lied to the public. Few in press pointed out that with the same information the esteemed Ms. Boxer was all in favor of attacking Iraq over this same issue when Bill Clinton said the same thing—while we are talking about misleading people.
Then John Kerry had his turn and he asked angrily why we hadn’t enlisted the help of nations like Germany and Russia in the Iraq debacle. Condeleeza calmly explained the various ways we had been working with both nations in the area, to which which the Man Who Was Almost President had to recover by saying essentially, “Well…they said they wanted to help more.” I assume if he had been elected he would have been better informed.


And a peek at things that annoy me—We have a carton of cookies here that says its made with, quote “Tropical Coconut”. Do they need to tell me that??!! I was so relieved they didn’t use that Siberian coconut…the flavor just isn’t the same.


And then there was the Trump news. That cagey romantic has managed to leverage both the wedding ring expense and the cost of his bride's wedding gown against time on his show, "The Apprentice". But the best part is that the rich couple--who could buy anything they damn well please--actually has a registry of opulent gifts for their guests to buy for themselves. Now what would I buy for a billionaire couple??? Maybe a gravy boat that costs as much as a bass boat?

Well it is off to The Magic Kingdom, or as I have always referred to it, Mouseschwitz. The hours in a truck with 3 over-stimulated youths should be zen-like. Think of us during your weekends....

Posted by Anonymous :: 6:29 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Have some love

...to you from me. Except you. And you. But the rest of you, sure!

The day has shaped up to be rather nice. Even if Blogger just ate my last post.

Who'da thought?

The emails were wonderful. Thank you. :) You all know who you are and you made my (our) day with your kind words and support. The subject is closed right now because I'm in a great mood and plan to stay that way for awhile!

I'm very excited. Today is the day before the FOUR GREATEST DAYS! 3 days at Disney World with my best friends and family and my birthday! Yay!!!

I'm sure I will be chock full of things to say Monday :)

We're sharing a hotel room with our 8 year old daughter, so it'll be a sexless weekend...damn. We're going to have to get all the hot sex out of the way tonight and settle for middle of the night, locked shower, quiet sex the rest of the time.

EH...what can I say? The looks, the touches, your eyes and smile these past days. I am such a smitten kitten. You are...everything!

My mother turns 50 tomorrow. I turn 32 on Monday! Yay! Yay! I'm going to be a birthday princess!

Send presents.

Seriously, love to you all.

Except you.

And you.

But the rest of you - I'll miss you!

Posted by Red :: 4:39 PM :: | --------------------------------------- A Wow and a Bow

Apologies up front and a strong suggestion that you skip reading this. Now. Right now.

Okay, You were warned.

First of all, to the e-mails today! A couple of you guessed at who the other blogger is and...half of you were wrong. Sorry, I just don't feel like revealing her would be a wise move. The blog world is a very small world. And don't fight any battles on my behalf, please. My goal was to end the "refreshing" of the situation, not provoke further aggravation. And, truthfully, it's too soon after the events for me to not be easily aggravated.

One of you downright slayed me with the coincidental irony. The internet is a very small world, isn't it? You know who you are. Thanks for forwarding the email, it was eye-opening. I hope you'll take EH's advice to heart. I really do.

Moving on...kinda.

Rumor has it that she won't be posting the archives. That's it. That's all I wanted. I'm happy and the concern is droppped. Well, sort of dropped...after this...

Because it sounds a little like there's a catch to this that I can not agree to.

The "rumor" comes courtesy of her new/current married man's blog who calls me a liar and suggests that I stop speaking about her and move on with some sort of vague "or else" message at the bottom. For starters, what I supposedly lied about remains a mystery, but it's a little hard to even be remotely offended on this one. I mean, talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

He also tells me I should have moved on months ago and that I am not to discuss this further. It's only been 6 months since the day I found the affair and 4 months since my son died in the aftermath, so do not tell me that I'm not allowed to discuss my thoughts and feelings about it. An affair and losing a child is a pretty fucking life-altering event. If I feel the need to discuss it, I damn right will. You don't get to decide how long it takes me to deal with the issues.

He also tells me the blame is purely EH's. Do I hold EH responsible also? Yep. And we continue to work on making it right. But she is equally responsible. Period. Considering the crazy things that happen in this violent world (and on the lame Jerry Springer shows), the fact that I may bitch from time to time on a blog in text is mighty small potatoes. Don't want to hear it? Don't read it. Everyone in the online world is working out their issues on their blog, including both of you and your affair - but I should shut up and move on because you don't like it? Right. When I'm ready...

Whew. That was actually about as restrained as I get, sorry. Irish. Redhead. We're not known for being passive or even-tempered. And do I have major rage in the wake of something that happened in the last few months? Damn right.

Having said all of that, I would like to move on. Of course I would. That's a big part of what this blog is about. But no one gets to set a time limit on that. I'm working on it. It's not as as simple as "Hey! Glad that's behind me! Too bad about the baby! It only took 6 years to conceive him!"

My son died inside me only 4 months ago, this tiny - but fully formed - 1 lb infant who was too premature to breath and was forced into the world early because my stress levels were through the roof. Finding out about an affair and doing some warped online battle with the other woman while in the throes of pregnancy hormones is just a bit too extreme, as it turns out.

Guys, when I blog - it's not edited or held back. I spill it...every thought and feeling. So, you're literally getting the private thoughts. It won't always be pretty. And today it's definitely not. But you know what? Getting it out helps and I'm going to keep doing just that. I'm not always right, I'm not always above being childish or angry or upset or bitchy - but I am always going to be honest.

And this is as well-behaved as I get.

But I am working on it. And I do intend to work on acknowledging her existence less and less...in my own time. On my own terms. When I'm ready. My only outlet is here. I'm not catching planes to her hometown, emailing her, stalking her, etc...all I do is write how I feel about it on some remote little corner of the web.

And hey....regarding the archives? Thank you. For all my bitching, it really will help just a little.

Posted by Red :: 8:34 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

EH...Good Men make Bad Mistakes.

There is still some correspondence between myself and Bob's wife from time to time. They're both doing the best that they can, if you're worried. I had an inbox full of inquiries on their well-being.

Hearing her thoughts brings back so much. And makes me feel a strong urge to clarify something to the world.

Yes, EH made a very big, bad mistake last year.

Yes, there were lies.

Yes, he hurt me deeply.

Yes, the stress cost me dearly.

But this describes my husband in a 4 month period. I have been with him for 10 years. For every other moment of that 10 years, EH has been kind, caring, selflessly compassionate, loving, tender, honest and completely wonderful.

EH is the husband that other women wish they had. He comes as close to perfection as any man could. The lies and secrecy was a very small moment in our 10 years together and I truly believe it was the only time. The trust is coming back. He's earned it.

Despite what happened, I would describe EH as a man of great integrity and character. A man who cares about his family deeply and shows it at every turn.

Good men can make bad mistakes too. It doesn't define him. It only makes him a bit more human and a little less perfect. I'd still nominate him for best husband.

EH, I love you. Always have. Always will.

You make me believe in soul mates.

Posted by Red :: 5:45 PM :: | --------------------------------------- EH...Good Men make Bad Mistakes.

There is still some correspondence between myself and Bob's wife from time to time. They're both doing the best that they can, if you're worried. I had an inbox full of inquiries on their well-being.

Hearing her thoughts brings back so much. And makes me feel a strong urge to clarify something to the world.

Yes, EH made a very big, bad mistake last year.

Yes, there were lies.

Yes, he hurt me deeply.

Yes, the stress cost me dearly.

But this describes my husband in a 4 month period. I have been with him for 10 years. For every other moment of that 10 years, EH has been kind, caring, selflessly compassionate, loving, tender, honest and completely wonderful.

EH is the husband that other women wish they had. He comes as close to perfection as any man could. The lies and secrecy was a very small moment in our 10 years together and I truly believe it was the only time. The trust is coming back. He's earned it.

Despite what happened, I would describe EH as a man of great integrity and character. A man who cares about his family deeply and shows it at every turn.

Good men can make bad mistakes too. It doesn't define him. It only makes him a bit more human and a little less perfect. I'd still nominate him for best husband.

EH, I love you. Always have. Always will.

You make me believe in soul mates.

Posted by Red :: 5:45 PM :: | --------------------------------------- I'm so excited...

Two more days....

Posted by Red :: 4:54 PM :: | --------------------------------------- The perfect birthday present

Looking for a special birthday present for moi???

Okay, probably not, right? But tell me this wouldn't be perfect anyway?

Posted by Red :: 1:06 PM :: | --------------------------------------- A Glow, a Gotta Go and a very painful Uh-Oh...

First things first.

Yes, I got some last night! (The Odd Wife leaps up from her keyboard and high-fives each of you) It was lovely. It was tender. It was passionate. And afterwards, we lay snuggled close and talking softly in the dark about our sex life, our love and how close we feel to each other. It was lovely.

On to the second issue. Gotta Go. What the heck??? I am having to urinate so often that it's making me crazy. No pain, so not like a bladder infection. And unfortunately, I am not pregnant. I took the test last night. I was really hoping for a positive. I am worried about the increase. I'm also thirsty all the time. I wake up practically gasping for a drink and feeling dehydrated. Plus, I am exhausted at night. I have a feeling it may be time to see a doctor and discuss diabetes. Damn, damn, damn. I've had high blood pressure for too long, so this is a natural concern.

Now for my uh-oh. And this is a big one for me. You've all heard me bitch incessantly about the woman EH had his online affair with. I maintain that I have every right to bitch all I like until it's out of my system. It's a way of dealing with it still. But I have come to learn she intends to republish her archives, including things my husband and she did, wrote, said. The blood just drains from me to hear that.

So...this next part is an open letter to this woman who I suspect peeks here from time to time.

Have a heart. I understand that you perceive yourself to be on some sort of life journey discovering yourself and you feel no regret or compassion for the things you have done - but the simple fact is, you leave a wake of destruction in your path and people have been deeply hurt as you go about finding yourself. As you add in your older archives, please consider for just a moment that you are reposting things that will once again cause pain, strife and hurt. I do not want to ever re-read the details of my husband's involvement with you. I do not want to ever read words he wrote to you. And I don't want them posted on a public forum where you generously provided the public with my full name for the reading enjoyment of the public.

Family members have "googled" my name in random horsing around online and read the story of my husband and you. EH's family. My family. At some point, my daughter could read that. You played a major role in nearly destroying my marriage, a major role in the loss of my child prematurely to stress while you taunted and provoked me online and you continue to embarass our family with your public record of a private matter.

I am asking you to please remove every reference to your relationship with my husband from your blog and archives. I am asking you not to fill that 4 month gap that I know contains the entire story of my greatest pain.

I am asking you to have compassion. And I am asking you nicely.

What I write here in my blog occasionally talks about the recovery of our marriage after your "dalliance" in it. That's quite different from reading my husband's words to you again. You can not know the physical pain I actually experience just thinking you might republish this.

You bore the brunt of my anger and hatred, but only in text words. At no point did I cause your family the pain you caused ours. That was restraint on my part. There was a time I printed every nude photo you sent to my husband, every page of your blog and every photo you had on your blog and had them nicely copied and bound. I was prepared to mail these to every church of your denomination in the entire county you live in. To every high school. To every elementary school. To every private school. Just waiting for someone to recognize you. I didn't do that. It would have been a fair revenge, but I never did it. Instead, I resolved to have no contact with you.

Don't continue to cause us pain. You have moved on. Let us move on also. Please do not republish your affair with my husband.

I won't pretend that I don't hate you with every fiber of my being. I do. I always will. But I don't make efforts to hurt you or cause you pain. If you feel a need to discuss this, email me privately. I am deeply hopeful that you will grant me this plea. I am hopeful that you will show some compassion, some amount of kindness - some sense of responsibility for the lives you hurt.

Please. I truly am begging you. Let this fade from memory, don't refresh all the pain and anger. Believe me when I tell you that NOTHING good can come of it.

Readers...advice? Suggestions?

Posted by Red :: 9:04 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Tonight...

EH just called me at work. The sound of his voice is an experience in itself. His voice deep and smooth makes me think of warm chocolate.

Tonight, I want to give myself wholely to my husband.

I want to feel the heat from his skin against me.
I want to feel the roughness from his cheek against my face.
I want to bury my face between his neck and shoulder and breathe his scent.
I want to feel my fingers lost in his hair.
I want to take and hold him in my mouth.
I want to circle my fingers around the length of him.
I want to feel that first sweet thrill of him penetrating me.
I want to break a sweat in a chilly room.
I want to touch, kiss, lick, caress, fondle, suck...
I want to be touched, kissed, licked, caressed, fondled, sucked...
I want to feel his mouth against mine.

I want him to let me...but I will understand if he is tired or busy or not feeling in the mood.

Because I love him intensely. And if he allows, I will love him intensely tonight...

Posted by Red :: 5:00 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Send Good Thoughts to Bob and His Wife

I keep refraining from using her name because I don't know how much she wants revealed.

But you know Bob. They could both use good thoughts, vibes, wishes and prayers right now.

Posted by Red :: 4:59 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Ed & Sue

Please keep Ed and his family in your thoughts today.

Update and good news here!

Posted by Red :: 11:37 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Helpful advice for the traveler

Should you find yourself in Japan, this could be helpful.

...or gross.

You decide.

Posted by Red :: 11:08 AM :: | --------------------------------------- OW's Libido

Turnabout is fair play, right?

So, since EH bared his soul - I feel compelled to join him. Anytime EH bares something, I am always ready and willing to participate!

So, you heard EH's story of sexual libido. It's true. When he's busy - and he's always busy - weeks, months can pass without him even noticing there's no sex.

Now me...I'm a slut. A total tramp. And I always have been. I always will be. If I was single, I'd be a menace to society. Before EH I was a menace to society.

I became fascinated with sex at an early age and was an avid reader of the Penthouse magazines I found hidden in a drawer. I loved the reader stories. I lost my virginity by the age of 14 to a boy who was just a friend...we agreed to just 'get it over with' and we carried on a 'fuck-buddy' relationship for years.

I became downright wanton after high school. Experimenting in my powers of seduction to see what the effects would be. I excelled in this area. To this day, I now do it unconsciously as a second nature - but I've been told that I ooze sex appeal and that it shows in the way I hold myself, my eyes, the tilt of my head, the raised eyebrow, the smirks. It is remarkably true that no man has ever turned me down when I asked and even more true that given a small amount of time, every man I meet will eventually make a pass. I can honestly say that I have mastered the art of seduction. I used to be very proud of this. Now it's a useless skill. EH is immune to my games. He just gives me the benefit of the doubt.

I've broken hearts - hell, I've broken men and never had mine broken until EH last year.

I fell in love with EH because he was a challenge to me. I was attracted to him as a conquest and when he resisted, I became more intrigued. Obviously I did seduce him in the end, but in the process I lost my heart to the one man I could never tame or break. EH is the only man who can "manage" me and we're both well aware of it.

Any other man...well, heh. They might first be thrilled with my sex drive and the fun side of me...but, eventually they have to put up with my quirks. When I suddenly can-can dance across the living room during a football game. When he comes home from work to find me mid-press conference for a website I put up that he knew nothing about. When I insist on going to his parents house in gothic morbid thread tights, a mini skirt and a low cut top and show his straight-as-an-arrow parents my butterfly tattoo. All true stories. I'll drive a man crazy in more ways than one, let me tell you...

Thank the stars I found a man who likes a little crazy.

Posted by Red :: 10:11 AM :: | --------------------------------------- EH's Libido

It has been asked of myself to lay out the specifics of The Even Husband’s libido, in light of my dynamic bride’s reporting of her own rapacious sexual appetite. If I had been sat down a year ago and someone told me that I would be detailing my sex life on the web for anonymous hordes, I would have told Dr. Ruth to shut up. But here I am spilling on my bedroom milieu.

It has been an issue in the past between the two of us. I’ll admit that I do not fit the normal male stereotype of being in a state of perpetual readiness. If we are going through a time of high activity with little free time I can go for extended stretches without the lateral tango. It has been discussed at length and even She has to admit that with appropriate application we have broken my atypical tendencies and turned things around in the past year and have become extremely active compared to most couples at our mile marker. She may dispute this statistic, but I have heard the words emanate from her own mouth as she marveled at our frequency and depth of passion.

True, TOW is rather insatiable at times—it is no exaggeration. What gets the short shrift (NO comments) lately is my own sexual drive. The main problem is that of perception. What mostly is happening is that she initiates more often, and that leads to her feeling as if I am either apathetic or incapable. Key word there—feeling. It is rare when I get approached by the lovely one where I do not play along. The issue of contempt with us revolves around my lack of initiation. This gets regarded as everything from my not caring, to disinterest, to not finding her attractive, to a diminished sex drive.

This last one is a factor that has recently been brought to the fore because I was placed on a new anti-convulsive medication. For the first few days I was in a literal fog; my personality was tamped down, along with physical torpor and then it was found that I also had drive problems on top of it all. My overall metabolism has crashed enough that I have poured on the pounds and have acquired curves on my angular frame. That was when Odd One researched things and discovered that this is the #1 side effect of this drug: wasn’t any confetti being tossed in the house that day, as you may guess. But while she was going through a morbid meltdown I told her to give it some time and see how things develop. The good thing is I have adjusted and now feel back to my usual energy levels. As evidence, read back to the post from last weekend when the two of us went at it with enough fervor that we had to back away from each other come Monday.

Still, my drive is an issue, and it may be for some time. The good side of it is that this is not a performance problem. Once underway I am in for the ride, and TOW will admit that once underway I have admirable stamina. I guess we will have to keep working on things…although calling it work does seem inappropriate.

Posted by Anonymous :: 8:44 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Monday, January 17, 2005

Take a picture, it'll last longer...

I like to be checked out. I enjoy knowing that for that brief moment, someone finds me attractive or sexy. It's an ego-boost. It's flattering. It's the reason I wear low-cut tops, short skirts and fishnet tights.

But, there is one man who makes me feel just...dirty.

He doesn't glance. He stares. And it's overt. And there's something about it that makes you feel violated. In conversation with him, he begins at my breasts and openly and slowly roams his eyes over my body like hands. It's undeniable and blunt.

It bothers me. There's something un-sexy about it. It doesn't flatter me or please me, it truly makes me feel as though I have just been groped by a ham-handed pig.

He's not an attractive man. He's short (compared to EH at 6 foot 6, who isn't???), squat and has a face that reminds me of a pig. And he wears suspenders every day. I refer to him as "Suspender Pig Boy".

Today, when I needed his signatures on 3 forms, he informed me that his fee would be a lapdance per signature.

Ew.

Posted by Red :: 3:44 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Is it or Isn't it???

...and do we really care?

Ah well, in good fun. Name that bulge...air or something special???

Posted by Red :: 3:28 PM :: | --------------------------------------- I Have a Dream...

My grandparents, now deceased, were bigots.

They were born of that time in the South where it was perfectly okay to use horrible derrogatory names to refer to a person of color.

I remember vividly a story my grandparents would tell in mixed company.

They used to take me on frequent trips, long drives up north to visit relatives. On one trip, we stopped at a rest stop and my grandparents sat for a picnic lunch and set me loose to run. Several moments later, to their astonishment, I came running towards them - little pigtails fluttering in the summer sunshine, holding hands with two small black children. They would tell this story as if I had actually been playing with little green aliens from the moon.

I never saw their color. I only saw friends.

Growing up, I was oblivious to the differences. I once had a best friend who was "of color" and I adored her. I would spend hours watching her groom herself, asking what each step was for. Why the lotion, why the oil, why the comb. I miss her. She was so lovely and kind to me, even though the other kids were scared to death of her (she was VERY tall and strong). She took a liking to me the day she offered me a cigarette in front of school (she was actually trying to tease me) and I smiled and said 'No, thank you'. She loved my polite response.

When I entered high school, things were a little different. The black students were to be "feared". They developed a reputation for hating the white students thanks to a fairly large group of troublemakers. They were loud, they were aggressive, they were looking for a reason to fight you. I remember getting into a confrontation with a group of the girls who wanted me to get off a payphone so they could make a call. I told them I'd be finished in a minute and they got very nasty with me, making threats. I mouthed off right back, the genius that I was. My friends' jaws all dropped. I think they began to plan my eulogy right then and there. Nothing happened, but the worry was there.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream and I do too. I dream of a world where we can embrace the things that make us different, but not use them to rank our value or the value of others to the world. I dream of a world where it's okay for people to be proud of their heritage and culture without using it as a weapon. I dream of a world where color or culture doesn't separate us, but rather gives us the opportunity to see how truly special we all are.

Take a second to pay tribute to a wise man... and consider your own thoughts on the subject.

Posted by Red :: 1:55 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Men???

What's your SQ (sexual quotient)?

Posted by Red :: 1:45 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Even and Odd

EH and I have begun actually calling ourselves "Even" and "Odd".

I call him "E", "Eve" or "Even"

We like that no one has a clue why we do that.

Posted by Red :: 11:42 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Odd Future National Holiday

The countdown is on!

7 days until my birthday! (Send jewelry. And chocolate. And pink things.)

I'm a big birthday person. No one can ever forget my birthday because I do everything but skywrite it. I announce it daily. On my birthday, I wear a tiara...everywhere I go.

Man pumping gas beside me at the Amoco: "Nice tiara"

Me: "Thanks! I'm a birthday princess today!"

Man pumping gas: "Happy Birthday!"

Works well. I inform my co-workers. One asked if I wanted to go to lunch on my birthday - well, of course! And I want everyone to come. And I want them all to wear party hats. And sing to me. The marketing girl in my office told me that they aren't buying monthly cakes for birthdays anymore because too many people are dieting. I told her I will bring my OWN damned cake...a carrot cake...and I will have them write "Happy Birthday Odd Wife - the very greatest employee we ever had" on it. And I will hide it in the kitchen. And I will act really surprised when I find it.

Those modest people always confuse me. They are super quiet and then suddenly they grumble that everyone forgot their birthday. That could NEVER happen to me.

I like my way better.

This year, I'm hoping for a parade.

Posted by Red :: 11:34 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Nobody's Perfect

I'm slightly better today, but it was a tumultuous weekend! From good to bad to mediocre!

Friday night, after work, EH, SG and I had a nice dinner at Chili's. Saturday, I ran errands in the early part of the day, then EH and SG joined me for some shopping, and finally at 9 pm we went out for some impromptu bowling as a family. The funny thing is, EH and I are not bowlers. With the gutter-bumpers down, the three of us were evenly matched. It was not until the last ball rolled in the 10th frame that we could guess who would win. I won 2 out of 3...but not by much. My high score was 132.

And yes, there was sex. Good sex. One time. But one good time.

Sunday, however, found us bickering.

EH is many things. Kind, warm, loving, strong...but he does have his flaw. And unfortunately they can be problems. He lacks any sort of ambition or drive. He is content exactly where he is. So, while I obsess about buying our house - he's ambivalent. While I work hard and strive to get ahead, he just shows up at a low-paying job and ambles about. It's incredibly frustrating. Because while I am madly in love with him - I have goals. Not all of which are crazy...

I want a house. Two cars. A retirement fund. And sex. And a semi-clean home.

That's it. I'm easy.

So. We bickered. I think we got it out of our system.

Sorry I've been cranky. I think I am in major PMS mode. I've noticed it's worse since the baby.

Which reminds me...

Christian (the name we gave our son) was due to be born on January 27th. I'd like to commemorate that day as opposed to August 28th (day of premature birth/death). I've been thinking about making a stepping stone sort of memorial. That'll be a tough day for me...

Oh, did I mention how we woke this morning?

It's cold here now. A brisk 50 degrees! Brrrrr! Yeah, I know. You're laughing. But this is Florida. South Florida. Anything below 70 is really cold. Anyway, we slept with our windows open. At 6 am, I hear "Who's fucking pen is that in our truck? Because it's not mine! Who are you fucking?!"

Nothing like waking up to that. We have some weird neighbors. You would have thought she found sticky lace panties for the reaction.

Made our bickering seem a lot less crucial, so I snuggled close to his warm body and we chuckled together in the early morning light at the shrieking below our window.

Posted by Red :: 9:25 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Rain, Rain Go Away

Readers...I think I'm going to disappoint you.

I got the cold shoulder again last night. Even though I took him in my mouth to draw him into the mood...

Still...

A little bit later, he began to feel sick. This morning he is still under the weather with some stomach ailment. I'm running errands alone on a rainy Saturday feeling frustrated and confused.

There's a couple of things bothering me.

The sexual frustration is just one of them.

I've rewritten and deleted the rest of this post 27 times now. And I'm going to leave it deleted while I try very hard to get a grip on what's bothering me.

I'm going back out into the rain. I hope this weekend improves...and I don't mean the weather!

Posted by Red :: 10:43 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Friday, January 14, 2005

Heh....Let's Heat This Day Up!!!

Okay, guys! Hopefully I am not posting this so late that I've missed all my favorite readers...

But I'm really going to really stir it up here...

I've changed my mind. I want to go home and give EH the night of his life. And I want to try something new. Something incredible. Something hot! Something that will make him think twice about ignoring me in the future.

So...while I certainly consider myself something of a sexual dynamo, it's always possible I've overlooked something. I want suggestions on something incredibly sexy to do to or for him...

Forget the other woman thing. I'm keeping it just the two of us in the bedroom...

Give me directions. Tell me what you think I should do. If you're shy, post anonymously or email me direct. But give me some ideas. Guys? What would you love to have done to/for you tonight? Ladies? What have you done that drove your man wild???

If you share the secrets with me, I'll post how it went in detail...and I'll include a new picture for you...

Give it to me :)

Posted by Red :: 4:07 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Hot and Bothered...

A certain reader (Chuck!) got me all hot & bothered today and was privvy to my very naughty side today...

Sorry that this redheaded fireball got a little out of control.

I told you guys, there is no filter between my brain and my mouth.

Poor EH is going to have his hands full with me tonight...


XOXOXO,
OW

Posted by Red :: 3:03 PM :: | --------------------------------------- News of Bob

Darlings,

I have news. I received a sweet and heartfelt e-mail from Bob's wife. You called her BW or A. She invited me to share the update with those who love and miss Bob and I'm going to quote a few snippets that should appease the masses.

Quotes...

"bob retracted from this virtual world all on his own. i DID mean it when i said i would not take it away from him - what would that have proved? we live our lives freely - we make our own choices, or mutual choices. this was his to make, and he made it."

"i am concerned for him though. i think he tried to go "cold turkey", and it pains him. he, too, considers you a friend. it is too hard to just be cut off from emotional ties. he thinks his choice was "them or me". but that's not the issue at hand."

"anyhow - i thought you might want to know that he is doing ok; that he's not at the hands of godzilla; that somehow our love for each other will get us through this horrible, horrible time in our lives. he misses you all, i can tell."

"there were some other people who had left some very heartfelt comments to bob- i can't reach them because the posts are gone now, but feel free to pass his regards to them."

That's all that seems right to share. I was disgusted with the Bob's Wife Bashing that took place on another blog in the comments and I won't have it happen here. Any negative comment regarding either Bob or his wife will be deleted the second I spot it because I will take it very personally. Period. Bob was a blog friend. Someone I respect. And I know only too well what his wife's shoes feel like right this minute thanks to my own experience with it. Any nasty comment directed her way feels like it's directed at me too because it wasn't so long ago that I was in her shoes and I was attacked by the bitch involved with EH on her blog for months.

It's just a little ironic that many of you read that blog. I see your comments there. Small world, isn't it?

Sorry, I'm getting bitchy now, I know. Lack of sex and remembering my own anger and pain are getting to me. Sorry, darlings. I love you, but you know I'm far from perfect and from time to time I will misbehave! :)

Forgive me?

Whew. That was supposed to be a simply, straight message to you from Bob and I got all swept away in it. You see how that pain and anger lingers? It's buried way down deep inside until some memory or experience sets it off and then I'm like a firecracker.

Blame the red hair. Blame my Irish/Scottish heritage. Blame my wicked temper. EH says I'm passionate about everything...and unfortunately that includes my rages. :)

I've been very naughty today. I'm going to put myself in the penalty box for 2 minutes for roughing. Damn, I miss hockey.

I'll be back when I can play nice. Or nicer.

Whatever.

***Updated note: No worries to those who wonder if they offended me in the past! If you did, be sure I would have bitched loudly about it! I'm like a firecracker...I go off with a big bang and a little puff of smoke...then I fizzle out (wow, come to think of it, that could describe me in bed too...) But if you insulted me or pissed me off, I would have definitely remarked on it! LOL.

Posted by Red :: 10:47 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Not tonight dear, I have...spite

Crankiness is setting in.

It's been 5 days since I last had sex. (Sure, Monday I spent the night pleasing EH but there was zero reciprocation for me, so I'm not counting it.)

Ok. Tuesday we had an argument. Wednesday I was tired and went straight to sleep. Last night I put on the sexy, sheer black-on-black pinstriped French negligee trimmed with a pink satin ribbon just below the breasts with the low cut tiny triangular top that always manages to slip to the side exposing a nipple...I brushed my teeth extra hard to be sure my breath was wintery fresh...I put on a little perfume...I fluffed my long red curls.

I thought it was a done deal when he put on "Busty Cops" on Cinemax, but we both got lost in critiquing what had to be the WORST porn ever...and, nothing happened.

I stroked him. He responded by getting nice and hard. But...nothing.

I turned my back to him, pressed close and wiggled to feel the length of him against my ass. Nothing.

He went to sleep.

What the ...?

Did I stop being sexy overnight? He knows no-sex makes me cranky.

Maybe I'll be too cranky to have sex with him all weekend.

That's it. No blow jobs or hand jobs for two weeks. I can be mean too and he's abused my generosity.

Posted by Red :: 9:14 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Go Home and Hug Your Family

I mean it.

Go home and hug your family. Wrap your arms around your husband/wife, around your child/children and hug them close to you. Memorize the feel of their skin, the smell, the warmth. Tell them you love them.

This story on CNN just floored me. For just one moment, allow yourself to consider what Jimmie Wallet feels right now.

Between this disaster and the recent tsunami, many people have had loved ones and homes completely swept away in the blink of an eye. With a death toll of 150,000 in Asia alone, can you really keep telling yourself it could never happen to you?

Have you told your family how much they mean to you today? Jimmie Wallet would probably love the chance to tell his.

Go home and hug them. I mean it.

Posted by Red :: 2:57 PM :: | --------------------------------------- I Swear to God I Am Not Making This Up

In the cube beside me, my co-workers (all girls) are comparing their nipples. They are actually describing and drawing little profiles of them. Of course I had to join in. Some girls have small areolas and large nipples. Some have the reverse. It's hysterical because occasionally you'll hear "Oh, yours are really pretty!"

Fascinating stuff.

No, we are not hiring, guys.

Posted by Red :: 1:33 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Adventures in Blogland

Most of the readers here are aware of the drama surrounding one much beloved blogger and his wife. She was unaware of his blogging and was hurt by some of his writings which felt like a betrayal to her. Wow. Add a spicy long distance relationship and that could have been EH and I. My heart aches for the pain both of them are experiencing and I miss this blogger dearly. But we've beaten this dead horse on The Good Wife's blog comments and it's necessary to move on now.

Blogging is sensitive. For many of us, it's a diary of sorts where we share our secret thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we share thoughts that are innappropriate to express aloud because we have a sense of safety here. I can talk about illicit feelings and know that my friends here (yes, you!) will comment or offer advice, but never will they whisper my misdeeds to my co-workers. I am not judged here. So, it's easy to understand why a blogger would keep a blog secret from their friends, family, spouse.

In blogging with EH (Even Husband) I open myself up even more to my husband. And he to me. When he first joined me here, he asked if he needed to temper his writings to avoid hurting my feelings and I told him absolutely not. I want the truth and I want it straight between the eyes. And in doing so, we allow for a deeper level of honesty between us.

Does this mean that hurt feelings may arise? Yes. But it's easier to deal with hurt feelings that result from honesty than to cope with the hurt feelings discovered in a lie. And after the dishonesty we both experienced, I much prefer to keep our marriage honest.

That's a personal choice. Not a recommendation for the masses.

Do I edit myself knowing EH will read? No. I don't. And I won't. EH will assure you anytime you doubt it that no filter exists between my brain and my mouth - even if it's text. I say what I think and feel at all times. I never learned to withhold. This gets me in constant trouble. Co-workers are shocked when I speak up. Friends have to be selected carefully to find the people who can process and tolerate my directness. I don't mean to be that way, it's just how I am and I have no reason to change. If I think your ass looks fat in jeans, I'll tell you. If I think you are being a complete bitch - even though you are my very best friend - I'll tell you. If a super-hot guy crosses my path while I'm walking with EH, I'll immediately crack up and point him out while fanning myself. (Of course, if EH does this with a hot woman, I will smack him. Hey, I never claimed not to be a hypocrite...)

What you get here is honesty. I don't hide. I was very hurt by EH hiding things from me before. The truth of the matter is - I'm an open-minded girl. If EH was looking for a little illicit action, I would have worked it out for him on a level I could be involved in. You want to IM dirty things with that girl? Sure. Do it while I am on my knees, under the desk, my head buried in your lap. I'm okay with that because it's still me...it's still something I have control over. Something I can set boundaries for. I can say "No, that makes me uncomfortable" when necessary. EH had no idea I would have been so accomodating because he reflexively hid these feelings.

Ladies. Men. We are humans. We were not born to monogamy. It's a choice we make. Do I get turned on by other men? Damn right. Do I believe EH gets aroused by other women? I'd be stupid to think he doesn't. But who cares where the arousal originates so long as it's satisfied between the two of us? If he wants to think about Jennifer Garner while pleasuring me - I am fine with it. And if I scream out George Clooney's name, so be it. Monogamy is not the natural way our human brains function. Again, it is a choice.

The truth is, I don't care who EH thinks about during sex with me. If another woman gets his engines revved - aren't I the one benefitting? But, when he seeks out sexual fulfillment from another woman and cuts me out of it and lies to hide it...online, on the phone, in person...that's a betrayal to me.

Every marriage has to set it's own boundaries. If you blog secretly from your spouse - there is an excellent chance that you will be discovered. Ask yourself how your spouse would react? If they would be hurt, it's time to rethink.

I love blogging with EH. Sometimes my feelings translate better in text and he understands things about me that baffled him. And, he's forced to read my feelings without being able to interpret tones or interrupt me to debate. He's briefly captive to my thoughts and I am to his. We are communicating on yet another level.

And we're closer than ever for it.

Just my $.02. I don't presume to be any kind of expert.

Posted by Red :: 8:42 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Good Vibrations vs. Tongue Thunder Down Under

Getting a woman off isn't easy. I know that. Our anatomy is more complicated. The things that need to be rubbed and touched are slightly north of the place most men spend their time.

I get that. I'm okay with that. I will reach orgasm during 98% of sexual encounters through a combination of EH's skills and my own efforts. I like orgasms. I am determined to have them. Lots of them.

But I'm curious...I prefer the vibrator to oral sex when it comes to pleasing me. (We all know I'm not going NEAR EH with a vibrator after the grand mal sexual seizure incident!) What I mean is this - you know how I posted the other day about providing pure pleasure to EH without reciprocation? Well, EH has mentioned that he would be willing to do that for me...only I'm going to have to tell him I'd prefer vibrating fun over just oral sex. It's 10x more enjoyable for me.

Now, don't say he's not doing it right. He is. I've guided him through it. It's fine. He's hitting the right spots, he's willing to go as long as it takes - but this method can take forever...

EH bringing me pleasure through vibrator fun, oral fun, etc would be so lovely.

Is it me? Do most women prefer oral over vibration? Something about the sensation is just much, much more pleasurable to me...

Guys? Do you prefer one over the other? Would it bother you if your girl prefered you to use a vibe with her as opposed to just oral?

Girls? What's your preference?

I'm curious...

Posted by Red :: 4:04 PM :: | --------------------------------------- At Odds with Even

You didn't think I would let EH do all the talking today, did you?

First of all, I saw a man murder a possum last night. It was horrible. It was necessary. I was driving to the store to get dinner fixings and spotted some creature flopping in the road terribly. I managed to turn around to get my lights on the animal (I was so worried it was a cat or something that had been hit) and saw a possum writhing and flopping in obvious agony. Nearby was a big blood splat, so clearly it had been hit. I was pondering what to do...call Wildlife rescue? Suddenly a man began walking towards the possum and me...carrying a gigantic rock over his head. My eyes must have popped out of my head and I burned rubber getting the fuck out of there in reverse. I understand it. I didn't want to see (or hear) it. Ugh.

My usual sappy lovey-dovey post is cancelled today. EH was a bad boy last night.

Yesterday, on my lunch hour, I spotted this magnificent steak for sale at the grocery store and grabbed it. I dreamt up this wonderful, elaborate dinner to serve to the man I loved. When I came home, I mentioned I had no side dishes and EH responded "That was poor planning on your part, wasn't it?". I know he was kidding, but there was no indication of it at the time and I stomped out to the grocery store just seconds after finally arriving home. I bought artichokes, hollandaise sauce mix, mashed potatos...then lovingly prepared them all. I called EH from the kitchen to please clear the living room table because we would need a lot of room. The finishing touch was sprinkling parsley on the hollandaise sauce dish in the shape of a heart. I was carrying 4 hot plates, full and burning my fingers to the living room and spotted a huge, fat, hairy cat lying in the center of a very, very cluttered table. EH was sitting at the computer, typing. I said "Hon?" No answer. Fingers burning. Sauce overflowing. Plates bobbling. "Hon? Hon?" Without looking up, he snaps in a loud and nasty tone "What?!"

Wrong move.

He argued later that I was just saying his name, not asking for help. Sorry, but in the span of time I was juggling scalding dishes over overly full saucy items I had no time to comprise a sonnet. I just expected him to look up at his name being called.

I was so frustrated. I'm forever making these sweeping gestures of love and adoration in posts, sexual favors (like the previous nights hand/blow job), cooking fancy meals - you name it...and it's one-sided. EH never goes out of his way to do something nice for me just because. And here I was, tired from work, busting my ass to make him a really nice meal and not so much as a "thanks" passed his lips. Frankly, my feelings were hurt. I didn't expect a sonnet, just some sign of appreciation...even if it was just helping by clearing the table.

What really stung...he was writing a post for this blog. And when I began to holler at him about behaving badly, he deleted it. I have no idea what it said. I assume it's one of the two he posted this morning (he re-wrote it).

I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I know he loves me. I know this isn't such a big deal. But it would be nice to be on the receiving end from time to time.

I'll get over it. But right now, I'm a little grouchy. It could be worse. I could have had to murder a wounded possum. Ugh.

Posted by Red :: 1:50 PM :: | --------------------------------------- I Miss Bob...

I miss his comments. I love comments and he commented on damned near everything.

Posted by Red :: 1:30 PM :: | --------------------------------------- A Word to Prospective Lotharios

Yesterday TOW pointed out in an entry a steamy inter-blog soap opera that was playing out, with one of the participants coming into marital strife as a result of their erotic participation. I feel I should weigh in on this subject as it has already been established in this space that I had been likewise involved with my own dalliance in the ether. Clearly this will not be of the lecturing sort, but I would still like to toss in my empirical pair of coppers.

Some time back The Odd Wife and The Even Husband were going through quite the bout of relationship challenges, (something that seems an epoch away in light of our renewed position of wonder and passion) and I elected to absorb the tension and anger and channel it into an irresponsible reaction. I hadn’t sought out solace on the web but instead it came about slowly, as I found someone who was telling me things I wanted to hear and gradually revealed her knowledge of illicit actions. In hindsight can see that she was something of a DSL siren, but I still entered into things willingly. All the while I was aware that what I was doing was wrong, but I rationalized and excused my actions in immature ways.

Now herein lies the lesson for anyone who is considering this, or is currently active without yet having been found out. While I was fully aware of my impropriety I thought I had considered all of the things that might transpire if/when I was discovered. She would be mad, she would be disappointed, she would take physical action, she would toss me out, she would toss things at my head, et al. Yes, all did take place, but something else happened as well, something most people forget in this situation. The one thing I had never considered was just how hurt she had become when she found out. I had never intended to do this as a way of injuring her, and that was the main thing that froze me in my tracks. This had always been something I was doing, something that concerned me, and the ramifications were going to be all my own as well.

Wrong.

Somebody else was in this and I never deliberated what the toll on her was going to be. It may sound breezy for me to say now, but had I managed to have that in mind before launching into this bout of decadence I would not have gone through with it. She was stunned, shocked, wounded, depressed--and numerous other emotional wounds. I always thought I could deal with whatever was going to come my way as a result of my actions, but I am still affected by how much I had wrought on The Odd Wife.

While what I did was wrong, I feel much worse about what I did to her.

Posted by Anonymous :: 8:15 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Mixed Blessings

She sneezed—I guess. I passed by and she had fixed me with a gaze that made me ask, “What is the matter?”
“Well” she stated, “most people say something after a person sneezes.” Cad that I am I failed to give the customary blessing following a nasal discharge.
I informed her that I do not normally do that because of the rather absurd lineage of the custom. I told her how the practice came to light in the Dark Ages when the ignorant gentry of Europe thought the sneeze was an act of the person’s soul trying to escape its corporeal vessel, something I thought would resonate with my Pagan leaning Bride.
She felt it would still be polite of me to deliver the normal reponse, to which I replied, “I’m sorry, I just don’t normally think I need to say God Bless you in order to cram your soul back up your nose.”
Physiology, social traditions, and medieval history: Just a peek into a random conversation that plays out under our roof.

Posted by Anonymous :: 6:16 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Odd News Has Moved

I've decided to separate the Odd News from the sordid tales, random musings and daily bitching that comprises the rest of the blog...you can find Odd News at it's new home by clicking here.

Posted by Red :: 5:34 PM :: | --------------------------------------- The post I didn't know I would write.

I didn't know that I would write this post.

I watched a situation unfold this morning that somewhat mirrors what I went through with EH last year, to a much lesser extent. But I can actually feel the pain through my computer screen. I saw her comment first. And putting 2 and 2 together, knew what had happened. I saw the Google search that led her to my page and knew what she was looking for. She wouldn't find it on my page, but she has to look. She has to know it all.

I still look sometimes.

And remembering it brought back all the things I went through last year when I discovered some things that hurt.

And it brought me full circle to today...to looking around me and realizing how much better my life is now. How that horrible, awful, painful experience brought me to a life and a marriage that I am enamored with. How we could not have gotten back here without going through the pain first.

And, in an interesting "full circle" twist - I read the blog of the woman EH had his "relationship" with. And I read the blog of her new, very married, boyfriend. She's in "love". She says he is too, although his blog today read more like a juicy porn entry than a romantic declaration of love. If she is in love, then karma has come full circle. Because he has repeatedly declared that he has no intention of leaving his wife. She will never know what it is to share your whole life - committed to each other - the way that EH and I do. If it's really love...real love (and I hope that it is) - then she's stuck forever being "the other woman". She'll spend important holidays without him. She'll be stuck thriving on the scraps of time he can make for her when his wife and son aren't with him. She'll always be his dirty little secret.

I've closed that chapter now, even as I watch a similar saga be born into another blogger's life. I worry for that blogger and that blogger's spouse. But I also have hope for them. Hope that they will find there way to the other side of the pain, where EH and I found things are so much better...

And I find that I don't even hate her anymore. Because in the end...I won.

Posted by Red :: 9:22 AM :: | --------------------------------------- Odd's Side Note...

EH wrote his post last night and saved it to a disk so I could upload it this morning. I was so pleased to be praised by him that I couldn't resist rewarding him.

It started as a sort of game. Him sitting on the couch in boxer shorts and a t-shirt. Me tugging the shorts to the side to give little licks. When he became a bit firmer, I smiled and said "See? It still works!"

Which led to an extended session of him reclining on the couch while I used mouth and hands to please. When it felt like he was getting close, I yanked off my top and my bra and lustily finished him off pressed against and between my breasts.

It was a minute or two before he spoke, but when he did his words were music to my ears. "You. Are. Amazing."

So are you, babe...so are you.

Posted by Red :: 8:13 AM :: | --------------------------------------- EH's Spin on Things

As my bride so assiduously detailed previous we had a rather satisfying weekend on the front-40. A night at the movies is always something of an adventure but we have learned the lesson on not seeing a film in the first few weeks, when the theater is packed mostly with those who want to do anything but watch the movie. “Ocean’s Twelve” had maybe a dozen people watching with us and I only got anxious because there was no bar scene and had to make my contraband martini about 1 hour in during a benign meeting sequence—although the early scene with Topher Grace and the trashed motel room would have worked because he had a slew of empty airline bottles of Bombay Sapphire on the dresser, which is exactly what I had smuggled in.

We did have a fine time with the removable arm rest that allowed us to get too close in the dark and fuel a lengthy night of physicality, which followed a lengthy afternoon of such before the movie. It has been long established in this space that The Odd One has a sexual appetite that can only be labeled as voracious, and I can attest to the accuracy of said description. While most would say this is a blessing for me—and I would agree with most—it is also not a situation for the weak of will. Even as we launched our attack on each other in the daylight hours she was planning our night time interlude, verifying that I would be up for the task.

And I was, with some effort from my orally gifted wife. To this I will say I am grateful, because I have heard the plaintive wail of so many men who bemoan their wives’ reluctance to travel south of the border. I cannot identify. When these moments arise, (heavy emphasis on the plural there) TOW’s face actually alights and she languidly and energetically sets to it. Sorry guys, but it is the truth. And she is good at it—damned good. Sorry again. There have been times when she has asked me for pointers on how to make it better and more enjoyable, and what can I say? “Ummm, a pizza might be nice.”?

We were active well past 3:00 am and dozed late of course, only to awaken to feed the pets and set the child up with breakfast in order to give us the time to have yet another round together. Amazingly enough my wife actually appeared to be sated for the first time in recent memory. By dusk instead of the usual strokes and loving caresses we always give each other in passing we were instead avoiding physical contact. She was sore, I was numb, and we were through. She told me I should be proud, and I said anytime I can take on a nymphomaniac and put her on the sidelines I’m dancing a victory dance.

Apart from the conjugal activities we did have a great weekend. During one discussion she asked me what is the difference between her and other women and why it is special. I told her the proof is in the small activities we do together that are fun and enjoyable. When I pulled out my martini glass in the theater some wives may have gotten testy, but TOW laughed. We strolled the art fair downtown and after hours of peering at creativity we end up making a purchase at the Tommy Bahama emporium. As she wrote we have spirited talks during car rides, more than our fair share of laughs at any given time, and without trying we garner looks and comparisons from other couples.

Essentially we work, and we work well.

Posted by Anonymous :: 8:11 AM :: | ---------------------------------------