Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Back of the Bus

I have a million random thoughts and no real news or developments to share, so I'll just post stream of consciousness for the moment...

I'm trying so hard to let my hair grow long. In all my life I have never been able to do it because once it gets to a certain length, it annoys me and I can't figure out how to style it - so off it goes. But it's at that length again...and I am really trying to control myself.

PC's ambition is a wonderful thing and could mean great things for our future. At the moment, I'm trying to remember that more and more. His schedule is beginning to mean much less time for him and I. I think I am down to officially one night a week that I can count on his attention - date night. I'm not complaining, mind you - I do understand - but I am just a little concerned. I sincerely hope it's career driven and not some way of avoiding me. It probably is fine and I'm just worrying over nothing.

EH mentioned hosting some birthday event this weekend for SG...where he invites his family and friends. All of our formerly mutual friends. In particular, BestFriendM. What a fair weather friend she turned out to be. I keep reminding myself to be grateful to be rid of her. Still, it's just another rat-like thing for her to do... it's fascinating how close she suddenly is to EH considering the years of criticism she heaped on him to me. He was a lousy provider, he was lazy, he was unmotivated, he was obnoxious...blah, blah, blah. Now he's her new best friend. Oy. Hindsight tells you a lot about people and she is/was a snake.

Two years ago today I did something terrible and no one knows.

Ten years ago today I brought my baby girl home from the hospital to introduce her to her new home, new crib, new everything. I'd give anything to relive that day since the last time I entered a hospital pregnant I left empty-handed. It seems quite probably that my child-bearing days are over. That breaks my heart and my eyes tear up just writing this.

My sex life seems to be...well, dying off lately. *sigh* Do I just kill men's libidos? I know he's busy. He's always busy. And some nights I fall asleep waiting for him to be free to be in the same room with me. But that frustration is starting to build up...and up. Pretty soon I'm going to need help even spelling the word o-r-g-a-s-m.

I was in a better mood before I started to write this. I had no idea I had so many negative things on my mind. I thought I was doing pretty good and now I am frustrated! So much for therapeutic blogging! Geeez! The next time I have no real news to share, I'm posting nothing but knock-knock jokes.

Posted by Red :: 9:13 AM :: | ---------------------------------------