Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Behold, My Power!

I have a special talent that I bet you didn't know about...

I take men, wonderful men, and turn them into stressed out creatures who lose their way in life. It's a gift. The beauty of it is that when I give up on them and leave, they prosper.

Yep. I'm a magical girl indeed.

PC is thoroughly stressed about his career. He's not satisfied with the way things have been going professionally and frets about it and money day and night. It's nice to have someone else worrying about things like that for a change, but nonetheless, it also makes me wonder if I don't have some vampiric charm that sucks the life right out of a man.

What guy wouldn't want to be with me? Got stability? Got a plan? I can make them both disappear with three simple words: I love you.

I guess I am stressed too - and maybe projecting a bit. My own finances are stretched far too thin. EH's method of refusing to establish any sort of child support drains me and makes it hard to maintain the friendly relationship we have worked hard to establish. Money is at the forefront of my thoughts too. I worked a 12 hour day today to try to help alleviate some of it and raced home with anticipation of seeing PC only to find that the greeting was lukewarm (he's stressed) and in the first 30 seconds I was deeper in financial debt and further from being able to buy a single Christmas present for SG.

Add to that one more thing...a moment tonight that I tried to be sexy and failed miserably and it's just not my night. Rather than pushing my darling PC over the edge of unbridled passion, I managed to leave him clutching at his heart, mumbling about stress and ultimately unfulfilled. I tend to take it deeply personally when a man doesn't orgasm. To me, it's a failure. Especially in a man that typically doesn't require much to reach that point. In some ways, EH's failure to be sexually satisfied really weighed on me too, leaving me feeling like a terrible lover. Tonight shocked me to find it occuring again with PC, of all people, and only more deeply rooted that nasty little thought that the problem is me.

Not much of a night for the ego.

Yep...I'm a real man-killer.

Having felt sorry for myself long enough, I think I'll go sleep for a change! Goodnight!

Posted by Red :: 11:25 PM :: | ---------------------------------------