Wednesday, December 21, 2005
This Funny World
Things are heating up between PC and his soon-to-be-ex who I suppose needs a monicker. I'll call her Ex.
She and PC are largely communicating via emails and her emails yesterday had a layer of hate, mainly directed at me.
Ironic, isn't it?
She's initiating background checks on me. She's talking about a group of women who are determined to let everyone know what I am. And so on.
PC and I had our first disagreement last night. The background story is that this past weekend was the annual Holiday Boat parade - an event I have attended since I was a child. EH was taking SG (with my former BestFriend) and my family was busy and I really wanted to do just one thing for the holidays. PC agreed to go with me. About an hour before we left to go, Ex called him and suggested he come get their 2 boys to take them to see a movie. PC asked if he could call her back (so he could discuss it with me) and she responded with "That's right, go break your date" and hung up. Moments later she called back and said "Forget it". PC saw this as her way of playing games.
Yesterday I saw an email between she and PC where she ranted about him not taking them and he replied that he had every intention of taking them until she got nasty.
I know I'm wrong here, but this hurt my feelings. I've never come between him and time with his boys (and never would) but he made it clear to me that this was a deliberate game for her to screw up any plans we might have (apparently she did this with her 1st husband often) and I was upset that he would have actually ditched me last minute to go along with her whim. I made a smart-ass comment "I hope she doesn't do something like that on our wedding day, that would really suck for me" and promptly pissed him off.
He grew cold and stiff. I asked what he was upset about and he told me that he didn't think that my comment was necessary.
First, I respect him infinitely more for his response. We discussed it and our feelings and in no time at all we both felt much better.
But Ex doesn't feel better. Ex is angry and wants to direct it all at me. She and PC are in an email war and her main topic is me.
I feel awful for so many reasons.
I feel awful for how hurt and angry she is. I feel awful for PC having to go through this. I feel awful that Ex is rallying friends and neighbors to rise against me when I know she has every right to feel this way. I feel awful for the hurt feelings on all sides and I don't know how to resolve it.
I am not proud of how PC came to be in my life. We were both wrong. On his side, he already felt his marriage was over. On my side, I was just coming to that conclusion. I am so sorry for the terrible things that were done to the people we both care about. But I can't be sorry that PC and I are together. Bloggies, I love him. And the best part is that he loves me too.
I am not sure how to proceed. How do I hang on to someone I feel so sure I want to spend my life with and not hurt people in the process? How do I make ammends? How do I make it "okay" for all involved?
Ex wants to speak to me. PC gave his okay. I suggested strictly by email since her voicemails are basically 45 seconds of name-calling and I didn't feel we could have a true conversation just yet. I emailed her to give her my email address and basically just apologized to her.
Here is my email to her:
I understand that you would like to speak with me. This is the way you can contact me. At least for the time being, I believe email is the best manner of communication as opposed to a phone conversation that strictly consists of you calling me names and prevents us from actually having a conversation. I have not returned your previous voicemails for several reasons. One, you didn't actually ask me to and I assumed you had said what you wanted me to hear and two, I didn't want to do anything to further upset or anger you and cause additional problems.
I don't expect you to be civil to me. I've actually been in your shoes and I wasn't civil. EH had an affair in 2004. I was angry and furious and full of hate for a very long time. We were never the same after. I realize that does little to make you feel better, but I do understand how you must be feeling and I am truly sorry for everything you are going through. Again, I know that means very little and doesn't do anything to help you but it needed to be said either way.
I'll check this email as often as possible for any emails you wish to send me and will do my best to respond as quickly as possible.
Is there some proper path to making it all right? Is there some magic thing I can say or some punishment I can endure to ease everyone's suffering? EH has been phenomenal through this, but even he and I are only on civil terms with no warmth between us.
It hurts. It hurts everyone. I'm so sorry for it all.
Posted by Red ::
8:57 AM ::