Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Unrest

PC and I had a long talk about the dishonesty issues with his Ex. I can see his side, even if I did not present it well. Ex still considers PC her husband, however much she dislikes him and feels that his every second in my presence is an abomination of their marriage. I can understand her feeling that way. Ex also enjoys using the children to strike out at PC and he is trying to "lay low" to avoid her keeping them from her until the divorce papers are signed.

His suggestion that we are together for financial reasons is not a stretch...which might seem ironic since we are both as broke as can be. PC got me into the condo I am living in with the intention of purchasing it and renting it to me. He has not yet closed on it. He moved out of his wife's home and stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks - during which time, EH moved out. At that point, it seemed logical that PC should move into his own (or soon to be own) condo rather than continue to pay hundreds of dollars a week for a hotel room. Also, we lean on one another for gas, groceries, etc. Still, I would rather think we were together for love...

Financially, things are worsening. PC needs to close on our condo right away or we'll have to pay "rent" but he can't close until his own divorce is final. My job just decided to stop paying me a salary and put me on straight commission with no more than 2 days notice. So, the luxury of paychecks just became a thing of the past.

I have to admit that my head is swimming. I'm confused. I'm worried. I'm stressed. I love PC, but I worry about his past, my past, our future...

I worry about whether or not it can really work. At the moment, all I know for sure is that he can kiss me brainless. I've heard that expression, but never actually experienced it. I lose all ability to think when he plants one on me.

The amount of pressure on this new relationship is unreal. Maybe that's what scares me most of all. I admit that I wonder how it would work without these strains because right now...it's scary.

Posted by Red :: 2:13 PM :: | ---------------------------------------