Monday, January 02, 2006

State of Ponder

I'm in deep thought.

I'm developing a level of discomfort with PC's way of handling his life, his family, his ex. For my part, I was completely honest with PC in telling him and I have been honest with my family. I have not hid my feelings or my situation or even my guilt over how it all happened. And, as a result, things have been fairly smooth...or as smooth as they can be.

Not so on PC's side. He doesn't want to discuss his life with me with his Ex or his children, so he tells her that he is living with me for "financial reasons". That stung. PC understands (after I explained) why it bothered me, but isn't about to change the situation.

Particularly in light of PC's past, our own actions - honesty is very important to me. I feel like it is as important that he be honest ABOUT me as it is for him to be honest WITH me.

PC's Ex knows the score. She knows we are together "more than friends" and that we live together. Why he insists on trying to convince her it's for financial reasons baffles me. Why he won't just be honest hurts me. I understand that he has his reasons, but ultimately it doesn't work for me and how I need to live my own life.

And, I imagine that's what I am wrestling with more than anything else. Do we have a life together if we don't share a life?

Posted by Red :: 8:41 PM :: | ---------------------------------------