Thursday, September 01, 2005

Out, Out Damned Thought

In 30 days, I wonder where I will be? Holding all the cards or left empty handed. Am I trumping in the right places? Bluffing well enough? Is my poker face on?

Work has become a political hotbed of intrigue. There are agendas across the board and I'm either going to make it big or lose it all. Have I formed the right alliances? Pick the winning team? Will my allies fight for me when the time comes? They might have to.

And that's just scratching the surface on what's going on. I wonder how many people see the situation for what it is. There are things going on that would boggle the mind.

I've lost myself in work again. It's my every waking thought. I'm anxious when I am away from work. This much needed 3 day weekend is 3 days too long for all the motions.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world that EH is even tolerating my behavior. I know he can see that even in the quiet of night, my thoughts are whirling and spinning and I'm just not all here. In truth, EH would be flabbergasted to realize how calculated my every move is from the time I wake to the time I drop into sleep. Even my lunch hours are now categorized into who I lunch with and who knows about it.

Part of me hates losing so much of myself in this 3-ring circus of a career and part of me is bound and determined that we're never going to go back to counting out pennies for gas money again.

Is it ambition driving me, or have I lost to something else?
And would you even ever gleam what that something else could be?

Posted by Red :: 11:59 PM :: | ---------------------------------------