Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Day WAS Off to a Good Start

All week long I have awoken with amorous intentions and my lovely, senuous bride beside me to absorb those slings. And all week we were already late and she had to play the adult and deny my entreaties. This morning I started my prodding of her 5 minutes earlier, so she had no excuse, and we had some early morning delight. It was great, we were glowing, and it was just the way to start off a Thursday.

And then things spiraled out of wack.

Running late I squeezed the kid into school with moments to spare only to have the dog vomit in the car on the way home. The shoes I needed for work had soles coming apart but for the very front, and then it rained as I retreived my other pair from the car. Still haven't left for work yet, either. Rain means people in South Florida drive 20mph on the highway, despite having nearly 300 days a year to get used to the weather, so we were nearly late. Lunchtime we then leave for work and we learn this genius left the lights on this morning. I also had my first really bad day at work, wrapping up the time by getting into a fight with the most emotional broker in the building just before leaving. Now I'm deep into a 6-pack and will decompress further by blogging about frivolities that amuse me:

A Chinese Riddle: If one monosyllabic bleached tramp interviews another monosyllabic bleached tramp, do they make a Sentence?

Tara Reid's debut as the host Taradise on the E-Channel last night. I will be man enough to admit that The Odd One and myself watched it--for possibly 5 minutes. Her first guest was Paris Hilton and while watching two vapidly talentless women-who-are-called-actresses-because-they-were-seen-in-movies we could feel the mental faculties seeping from our ears. We changed the channel and then tested each other with long division to be sure the damage was minimized. If you missed the show you can see a complete tabulation of the cultural carnage, courtesy of Gridskipper.


QUESTION: What's worse than Adam Sandler?
ANSWER: The actors that he employs

While "The Dukes of Hazard" reign at the box office and "March of the Penguins" languishes out of the Top-5 it is little mystery that Hollywood sees fit to produce sequels to painfully unfunny films like "Duece Bigelow: Male Giggalo", and yet they do. One thing IS funny about this: watching high-brows like The New York Times grapple with the marketing of these mistakes. I love seeing an institution like this use the term "man-whore" in its copy, and getting bent out of shape over the phallic use of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. And before you think the NYT is the bastion of high class notice the link beside this item for a story on The Dukes' own General Lee.


Why Don't Baseless Conspiracy Dopes Go After Good Movies?

Recently we have discussed the commonalities in our marriage, but one area where we differ is in our cinematic tastes, particulary my fondness for bad movies. This affection was spurned by THE best show to ever grace a television, Mystery Science Theater 3000. (the uninitiated can explore here). Anyways, one of my fave episodes was called "Parts:The Clonus Horror". To say an MST3K movie was bad is redundant. Example: The basis of this film was that evil industrialists (are there any other type) secretly create clones to farm for body parts. But at the end we see one of the bad guys has an eye patch, i.e. it never occured to him to fix himself! Anyway,the producers of that crap-fest want to sue another crap-fest for stealing their bad idea, I guess.

AND FINALLY...

This Is Your Face--This Is Your Face On Drugs

Good chance that this has made the rounds, but it is priceless nonetheless. Aguy is caught huffing in a hardware store--that is, inhaling the fumes from an aerosol paint can. He is brought it and booked, and poses for his mug shot. Now when you click on the link read the copy first, THEN scroll down for the photo. And remember--this guy was "ALLEGEDLY" inhaling illegally.

Posted by Anonymous :: 8:32 PM :: | ---------------------------------------