Saturday, June 04, 2005
The Other Woman Online
In the recent days, a large number of blogs that I frequent seem to be experiencing some marital tensions reminiscent of the sort I experienced one year ago with EH.
Other Women Online.
Oh, the opinions I have on this. They range from the bitter and angry diatribe of the skanky whores and predators of the web luring men and wrecking families to an examination of the underlying motivations of men to seek this out.
And somewhere between my hatred of the whores and my understanding of the motivations, sense can be made.
First, the internet is ripe with lonely people. Lonely women who discover that if they're willing to share sleazy photos of their tits and talk dirty that a man will look past her train wreck of a face and pay attention to her. Women who have a life filled with so many problems that they turn to the web to find other women's husbands to hopefully share and support their misery. Not only does Misery love company, but she loves to recruit as well.
Second, a marriage has it's sacrifices. On one hand, you have the Whore who is happy to talk about blow jobs and how wet she is while the Wife sits home with the Child/ren and asks about which bills to pay or the car's oil change. It's not much of a contest which conversation is more interesting - and thus, the Husband is enticed.
Let's face it, the Wife isn't much fun, is she? She wants to discuss things like bills, cough medicine, chores and whose turn it is to do dishes. She wants the grass cut. The Wife is annoyed by the many hours that the Husband spends online while bills pile up and chores need to be done and she becomes even MORE unappealing compared to the online Whore who is content to just talk and photograph her own vagina with what she thinks is a sexy look on her face.
It doesn't matter that Wife is sexually healthy and just as sexy (or sexier) than the Whore - because Whore is shoving the sex in Husband's face while Wife is a fully developed character with a career, household, children, needs... Whore remains a pair of breasts, a vagina and a fantasy figure who is wet and willing 24/7. Whore is never too tired/busy/frustrated to please your Husband. After all, Whore didn't spend all day at YOUR job, picking up YOUR Husband's socks, putting YOUR children to bed after helping them with their homework just before cooking YOUR dinner. Whore isn't a real woman at all. Whore has become a naked picture that talks to your Husband.
From here, it goes a few different ways. One, it becomes obvious that Husband is withdrawing from Wife and arguments begin. Maybe Wife catches Husband and the real problems start. Trust is broken, anger, pain...all the emotions as if the cheating was physical. Perhaps Husband manages to meet up with Whore and the dirty deed actually does occur. Whatever path, there is no good outcome. Someone gets hurt, usually the Wife and Husband either (a) runs away with cheap whore or (b) stays and tries to repair insurmountable damages to his family. Either way, the Whore escapes without even half the crippling injuries she deserves.
Several of the women bloggers who are discovering problems are wondering how to confront them, handle them, deal with them.
First, don't wait for even a moment to address the situation. Every day you wait is a day that Husband is closer and closer to a true betrayal or crossing a line you won't want to recover from.
Second, understand how this scenario has come about. You're the Wife. You aren't as much fun as the Whore. You expect Husband to be well, husbandly! Whore has no expectations of him! He's not fallen out of love with you - he's been admired, seduced and sweet talked into distraction. When Wife asks "How could you forget to get the oil changed for the 47th time this month?" while Whore asks "Don't you want to cum all over my face, you sexy beast?" - it's no contest who is more fun to talk to!
Third, the "Talk" needs to be had. You tell him what you know, found, suspect, worry about and how it all makes you feel. Lay it out there and expect that both of you are going to run the gamut of emotions from hurt, anger, betrayal and then some. When it all runs out, a smart man finds the answer.
Because the answer is that Wife is the one who holds Husbands hand when he's sad. Wife takes care of him when he is sick or hurt. Wife cheers him on to success. Wife sees him at his best and his worst and loves him either way. Wife knows the sounds of his breathing in the predawn hours. Wife knows his friends, family and the secrets of his childhood. Wife grows with him and watches him grow as well. Wife bears his children, helps his mother, comforts his sister and shares his life.
Whore may be fun, but Wife endures. Whore is simply the latest manifestation of marital strife. Whore is a disease, a distraction, a predator. Whore is disposable. Cure the problem now. With a lot of love, patience, commitment to trying and talking - you both may learn some new things about each other as you overcome the Marriage Wrecker of the Modern Day.
***Note, naturally this can be reversed with Wife being the indiscrete spouse.
Tajalude, Wicked Wife, Anti-Wife...I'm no expert. Just someone who has been through it. Someone who still has the days of being angry. I hope you find your way through it all with minimal pain.
Posted by Red ::
6:25 PM ::