Saturday, May 21, 2005

From a Ripple Swells a Tidal Wave

Thursday was quasi-mayhem for us both. I was rushing from apointments downtown and in a flurry grabbed some items to get to TOW in time for her Dr. appointments. She left the office late and in a dervish made for the spine medic before running to her primary who was closing shop in 30 min. We managed to encounter two accidents and missed the appointment, amid loads of stress. Then we got home.

Barely were we in the door when she noticed something I had done in my earlier fervor. It was an innocuous action but it also could be interpreted as something else entirely, because of what I had done last year. Well, she interpreted, and just like that she was angry and packing to spend the night elsewhere. She continuously asked me to explain why I had done it and all I could do was tell her the innocent truth. She was convinced I was lying, and kept making for the door. My choices were to sit by and watch her leave or to stand in front of her insisting that she was in fact mistaken. I held fast. I did not want her to leave.

This is the reality I have made for myself. Because of what I did to my wife her self-defense system is in perpetual high alert. This made for a paradoxic situation where she was incorrect and also completely justified. Amid high volume exchanges I hear myself saying things like, "You have a reason to leave but this is not the reason." To my sweet relief she remained and for the duration we managed to have a nice evening in the end.

The truth of it all is that I have no reason to have this woman after what I did to her, but it shows why I love her that we are still together. As I told her later that night, "There is no me without you." It reads like poorly written treacle from a bad romance film but when I speak it from the standpoint of truth it has nothing but conviction. For the past few nights when I rolled over in the dark to see her lying beside me I have moved closer to her, drapped an arm over her form, and fallen back to sleep with a smile on my face.

Posted by Anonymous :: 12:08 PM :: | ---------------------------------------