Monday, May 16, 2005

Bend Me, Break Me...

Midway through the day and the back pain was back. Sitting was unbearable once again. I turned to the insurance provider directory and looked myself up a chiropractor.

And...um...did I mention chiropractors scare the hell out of me?

You know how they grab your neck and roll it loosely in their hands, then suddenly whip it to one side with a sharp crack? Yeah. That. When Steven Seagal does it in his movies, people die.

But, this one says he's here to help, so let's see what he can do.

You know how when you are discussing pain with a professional, they always want to know "So, what caused this?" And, like an idiot, I answer the truth...that I have no idea. It just started out of the blue. I wish I could answer something much more fun...

"Well, I had just pulled the rip cord on the parachute and..."

"I was saving these orphans from a burning building, when..."

"We were experimenting with the kama sutra positions just before..."

The visit turned out to be amusing when Doc and I chatted each other up. He's a They Might Be Giants fan, a blogger and a personable sort. He even likes films they way EH and I do.

I check my gmail account most often, so I had written it on the patient information form. In the office, he called me on the "Odd Wife" email and we discussed blogging and voila! he made the connection...and said he was going to look me up. (Oh shit! Faux pas #1!)

We were astonished when we realized how many mutual people we knew. It was all fun and games, dropping names, until the bomb shell.

My ex-husband's name. (Shit!!! Faux Pas #2!) They know each other well. Ex is a patient here too and the new wife is well known around the office.

Whoops.

The Ex. He was an awesome guy. I was just a mixed up kid who said "I do" and then ran away with someone else on the last day of the honeymoon. Literally.

"So! How do you know (insert Ex's name here)?"

"When I was 21 I ran away and left him on the last day of the honeymoon following our hugely expensive wedding."

"Um...er....(cough)" (Damn! Faux Pas #3!)

I don't imagine I am remembered fondly.

And, of course, this was the moment when I REALLY wished I had answered the "How did this happen?" question with...

"Well, my husband had me tied up and bent over, like this when the 5th orgasm ripped through me..."

So...all in all, it was pretty typical for me.

Posted by Red :: 8:30 PM :: | ---------------------------------------