Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I'm not that innocent...

I've always been aware of a less than admirable trait that I possess. I call this character flaw my "firestarter" quality.

When there's gasoline soaked danger surrounding me, I light a match. When there's friction between two forces, I put a little pressure on to get the sparks flying and see what ignites. I turn up the heat. I have no idea why I do this, but I do it without thinking. Even more odd is that after the blaze I can look back and see the sheer brilliance in some of my moves. Almost as if subconsciously I knew the plan all along. Am I some kind of pawn of fate?

I tell you this because yesterday, I lit a match. I'm not sure what possessed me or where I am going with this, but I put the stick to the flint and struck.

In other news...I spoke to Mr. Opportunity last night and we had a very pleasant conversation about the business he is building. We're sort of feeling each other out to determine where this could head and I have no real expectations yet. We'll speak again on Thursday.

In bed, falling asleep, whispering in the dark to EH. Pleading with him to understand that physical passion in this relationship is what keeps me together and safe with him. Lack of it for extended periods of time is a huge danger sign. It's not something I can live without sanely. I hope he heard me. I really hope he heard me. I've been in this place before...I know where this path leads. He said he understood and that we needed some quality time together. I asked when and he said 'hopefully soon'.

I was really hoping he'd have a more solid response than that. "Soon" always seems like some distant promise, doesn't it?

Gasoline everywhere and me, a pyromaniac, with a book of matches left unattended...

Posted by Red :: 10:46 AM :: | ---------------------------------------