Monday, April 04, 2005

Mad Science and Slow Dances

So, the weekend wasn’t exactly how I planned, but it was still enjoyable in it’s own way…

There are men in my life who look at me and find me appealing. I always seem to be having fun, I’m loving and affectionate and always ready for sex…usually.

What they don’t see is that it takes a strong man to handle me. I’m not high maintenance, but I do tend to drain a man’s patience and energy with my quirks. Sometimes, I’m just too strange for them.

Saturday morning was an example. After a sexy wake-up with EH, I got it in my head to rush his sample to our microscope to check out his…erm, “little swimmers”. My own kind of science experiment. EH thought I was insane, but went along to please me. It was so cool to look through the lens and actually see little sperm moving about. I felt horrible as their movements slowed and I realized they were dying. EH was speechless as I cheered them on, calling encouragements to them. There’s something really powerful about seeing the origin of life so close to you. It was fun, but I have to admit that it also made me sad. I wondered about each and every little sperm I saw. What kind of child would it have made? Even as I tell myself and everyone else that I am content with our one daughter, it hurts a little too. I have had my heart set on a large family since I was about 6 years old. If I had the means and the ability, I’d want dozens of children. If I had the means, I would even look to adoption.

We spent Saturday night out dancing with S&M. We went to no less than 5 places. One of them was The Poorhouse, a favorite of mine. They do rock, blues and jazz. This night had a 2 man band playing and I wish I had gotten their name. They were fantastic. The lead singer has a sort of Kid Rock quality to him as he sang. He sang “Soul Shine” and it just held the entire place in a trance. I snuggled close to EH for a dance and let the words just wash over me…


“Soul shine…it’s better than sunshine, better than moonshine, and damned sure better than rain…”

Sunday night, I took a test again. Nada. I fucking hate that lonely pink line in the control panel sometimes. I was so sure this time might have been...

Posted by Red :: 7:57 AM :: | ---------------------------------------