Thursday, April 14, 2005

I am what I am...

"I am what I am", says Popeye. And so do I. I am what I am.

I know who and what I am. It's not all good. It's not all bad. I take pride in the good and...sometimes I take pride in the bad as well.

I am a type A personality.

I am a woman who has CSB: Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder. I substitute sex for power. I feel in control and powerful through sex.

I am a redhead. Most of the time. I'm naturally auburn, but I've been bright red since I was 19. My hair falls past my shoulders and is very curly. This picture looks a bit like my hair - but mine is a deeper shade of red.


I am curvy. I like my curves. I have an hourglass figure and I am dieting religiously to enhance it a bit more.

I have a wicked temper.

I have no self-control.

I am impulsive.

I hold grudges. Possibly forever.

I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an enemy, a lover...

I am extremely girly. Pink. Sparkley. I am quick to use feminine wiles to emphasize or further a cause - from the way I let hair fall over my face, to the way I narrow my eyes or shift my hip. I flirt with men and women. It's not about them, it's about me and how I feel.

If you watch me closely, for a long period of time, my maneuvers are easy to spot.

I am a social drinker. I love a cocktail and listening to music.

I sing along to the radio...at the top of my lungs.

If I were single, I am fairly sure I would be a whore.

I am lazy when it comes to housework. I hate cleaning.

I have vivid dreams.

I meditate.

I love the gym and yoga.

I love to snorkel.

I love rainy days.

I am afraid of snakes.

I do not accept rejection well.

I study people and their ways until I can understand what their tones and body languages represent. It's a bit like mind reading to me because I sense what they mean even when they say something different. I do this subconsciously. I have at least one friend who thinks I am dangerous because he suspects I use mind control on people. To a small extent, he's right, but not in the way he thinks. It's about reading people and responding in ways including tone, touch, non-verbal communications...etc. I sometimes get in trouble for this...

I read tarot cards. Not often because it drains my energy and leaves me tired and cranky.

I have repeatedly been told by people that I should do phone sex. Apparently I have a voice for it.

I've experimented sexually.

I am always reading. I am never without a book.

I have hundreds of favorite songs. I am certain every one of them is about me.

I am a workaholic.

I lack self-esteem and I am a very harsh critic of myself. In my eyes, I will never be good enough, sexy enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough...

I am pagan. My friends call me a witch, but I disagree with that term.

I am possessive of lovers and friends. I do not like to share.

I like to be the center of attention.

I miss carbs.

I miss my mother.

I miss Christina Marchese.

I want to travel. I love traveling.

I always believe I will win the lottery. And I am genuinely surprised when I don't.

I watched far too many movies and read too many books growing up and therefore, believe life is supposed to be like that. Music should swell when you kiss, there are heros and villains. Montages play in your head when you are sad.

I am a sucker for bad boys. Mmmmm. In a big, big way.

I am easy to misunderstand because I hide. I portray different things to different people. I firmly believe that there is no one who truly knows me...EH is the closest, but even he knows only a piece.

Who are you?

Posted by Red :: 7:57 AM :: | ---------------------------------------