The Odd Wife

Friday, April 15, 2005

Happy Rubber Eraser Day! (What did you get me???)

3No, it's not a truly is Rubber Eraser Day, a fine holiday, if you ask me. I scanned through the e-cards available for this special occasion and noted that the holiday seems to encompass more than just pencil and paper mistakes.

And...we all make mistakes, right? defines mistake as follows:

1. An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness.
2. A misconception or misunderstanding.

I've made plenty of mistakes and I am sure there are plenty still to be made. I don't regret mistakes that are true mistakes (meaning there was no intention) because these trials and errors are a part of basic learning. We are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over until we finally learn from them and choose another course of action.

I'm going to stay in my marriage. I'm going to work to make it good and strong and happy. What happened last year can never be erased, but it can be learned from.

And I have learned...

I've made mistakes too. I realized last night that I've been trying very hard to restore my marriage to how it was before it was "broken". Because my heart told me that was what I was supposed to do...something is broken, you fix it back to how it was.

But how it "was" wasn't very good, was it?

I need to work on understanding that the path to getting over this won't lead me back to where I've been, but rather to someplace new. Yes, my husband was unfaithful. And that is a truth that must become part of the path. It can not be undone, it must be accepted and incorporated into my beliefs.

While I wish I could erase it, that it would be gone forever from my memory, my heart...

...but then, what would I have learned?

It's an ongoing effort. Maybe I am weak. Maybe our vows meant more to me. Maybe I believed in him so strongly that his mistake has shattered my concepts of 'us'. It doesn't matter. I keep moving - sometimes I even move forward.

Posted by Red :: 7:42 AM :: |
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