Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Long Road

I'm feeling slightly better, but still depressed. No worries about me throwing myself off a cliff. After all, we have no cliffs in South Florida.

I understand how many stresses are around and on me at the moment, but it still bothers me to not have better control over my emotions and mood. I've certainly dealt with stress before. Maybe I was overdue for a really good cry. I haven't had one since the house fell down, my ever belonging got destroyed and my marriage ended...in some ways, it's nice to know I still have emotions inside of me.

The interesting thing is that with PC I will never have him watching over me and caring for me the way EH would. EH let his world revolve around me and PC will never let that be the case. I have to be able to stand on my own two feet to keep PC's love. I can lean on him from time to time, but he's never going to carry me through life. I miss being the center of someone's world, but at the same time I wonder if it's better for me to be forced to be strong. Stronger. Something.

I'm down to my last $50 with no sign of future income. I'm worried. Deeply worried. So...I better get to work.

It's going to be a long road.

Posted by Red :: 9:10 AM :: | ---------------------------------------