Monday, October 31, 2005

Update

I'll tell you as much as I can as quick as I can...

Hurricane Wilma has been a lesson in life, let me tell you. South Florida has been transformed into a 3rd world country of sorts. Fuel is precious and you can wait hours to put a small amount of gas in your car. Perishable foods are hard to find.

Our roof ripped off over our heads in the middle of the worst of the storm and we literally huddled in a downstairs bathroom worrying that we could be seriously harmed.

We're staying with my friends, BestFriendM and her husband. Stressful, to say the least. We have power now, but we're camping on a couch and I haven't slept in damned near a week.

PlayBoy has become my anchor. He took me to a condo on Wednesday and showed me a gorgeous condo unit and when I agreed that I liked it, he made a phone call...

...and bought it. Bought it and is going to rent it to us. What the hell do you say to that? Thanks?

We're surviving. That's the best I can offer. I'm stressed to the point of a coma and have never imagined life in these circumstances.

I miss you all. I hope to be back soon - a week? Keep checking in, keep commenting and keep us in your prayers. The support really does make me feel better.

Posted by Red :: 2:15 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Friday, October 28, 2005

Lost

Just a fast note as time is precious...

Wilma clobbered us. We've lost everything. Our roof was ripped off over our heads while we hid in the bathroom wondering if we would live through it. We're staying with friends and I wish we could say we were okay but we're in bad shape. I feel a mental breakdown coming on.

More when I can

Posted by Red :: 12:41 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Friday, October 21, 2005

Wilma's Whim

I'm at the mercy of Wilma.

Depending on what Wilma does in the next 24 hours will determine whether or not I travel to Orlando Sunday morning. I'm exhausted from preparing to go/preparing not to go and all the inbetween.

EH and I attended the Panthers/Capitals game last night and cheered our team on to victory in the company of friends and family. My lovely little SG (SillyGirl) was there and was happy playing with PlayBoy's children under the watchful eyes of PlayBoy's wife. Even my little sister was with us with her latest Mr. Right (who looks bizarely like Danny Bonaduce).

We had special admission tickets to the WCI Club which allowed us to enter a virtual heaven full of complimentary gourmet buffets, open bars, free massages and an oxygen bar. My sister and I tried the oygen bar and - frankly - found it boring (though nice smelling).

A good night in all...

Wish me luck, dear bloggies. Should I end up in Orlando, it's going to be a neat trick to get there and back on the roads in a Hurricane.

Posted by Red :: 10:14 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Yabba-Dabba-Don't-Even-Think-About-It...

Oh, Wilma...

You bitch. Let's start off with this wacky path you're carving through the Gulf. What are you doing? And why are you moving WNW and all the weathermen are insisting you'll make a dramatic east turn to ruin my weekend.

Mother Nature is fucking with me.

I'm scheduled to travel Sunday morning with PlayBoy to Orlando for a series of business meetings and frankly, I need the break. Work conventions are typically round-the-clock parties full of people I know and love. GrabbyMan will be there with some old, dear friends of mine (former bosses) that I would love to see. I've been working 70+ hour weeks doing management duties well above my skill set and I need to get away for TWO DAYS to relax and clear my head. Not to mention that the meetings are key to some successful business ventures. And, no, don't read into my travel companion PlayBoy's companionship. While we have become extremely close friends, we are strictly friends and neither of us have any inclination towards anything but. On the contrary, it seems PlayBoy is my newest "Lost Boy" and he's more likely to be banging half of Orlando while I try to ignore the sound of his headboard rattling my room walls with his latest conquest.

So, what's a "Lost Boy"? Think Wendy in Peter Pan, mothering a band of sorry little men who needed a female to nurture them and care. PlayBoy has joined the ranks, which include GrabbyMan, and become my latest "Lost Boy". Let me explain. I've always gotten along with two groups - strong women and weak men. The men, most of whom are these repressed, anti-social, depressive darlings end up finding me extremely easy to talk to in a world full of people they won't open up to. The next thing I know, I have a new "Lost Boy". It's been a lifelong pattern. I'm a lucky girl that (1) EH knows this is a trend with me, (2) EH trusts me implicitly and (3) my "Lost Boys" are always kept in the friend category.

Occasionally, a Lost Boy might confuse our special friendship for deeper feelings. It's happened once or twice. It blows over rapidly and we remain the best of friends. Most of my Lost Boys are in love with me, but in a different way than romantically. It's not uncommon for a Lost Boy to tell me they love me or for me to say the same. But it's no different than me telling BestFriendM (girl) how much I love her. Make sense?

So, yes. PlayBoy, for all his glory, is truly a Lost Boy. He's latched firmly onto me and keeps me well within his reach so I can hear him occasionally open up about his thoughts. With EH and PlayBoy by my side each and every single day at the office, there's not a second of alone time in my life (save the gym). They don't ask me to lunch, they expect me for lunch. I sometimes kiddingly wonder what the pair would do if I skipped out on them both for a meal. I suspect they might starve...

I can still hear you wondering how I might feel if EH had close female friends. You're right. I would hate it. But then, I have never once had any romantic moment with a Lost Boy. And my faithfulness has not been compromised even once. The only line I ever crossed was a clumsy kiss delivered on a drunken night by a DIFFERENT Lost Boy which I reported faithfully to EH.

So, Wilma-dear, you fat windbag - back the fuck off. I need a break from my daily grind and these meetings are important. I have a wonderful solution. How about everyone come stand along the west coast shores of Florida and we'll all huff and puff and blow in unison to keep Wilma at bay. Or at Gulf. Whichever.

Now, I am off to do terrible, naughty, not-even-remotely demure things to my husband to work off some frustration. And he's waiting patiently for me to join him. I would tell you allll about them, but I would hate to spoil your image of me as a perfect lady. (Yea, right.)

Good night, Blog Land.

Posted by Red :: 10:08 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Monday, October 17, 2005

7 lbs

Well, it seems emptying my junk drawer mind was good for more than just the soul. In the past week I have lost 7 lbs.

PlayBoy and I started to diet together. Since PlayBoy eats lunch with EH and I every day, it seemed perfectly acceptable to try to diet together and we've both been great about keeping each other in line. EH taunts us with carbs, but so far, so good. I even made it to the gym 3 times over the past week.

I'm still working hard, that shouldn't surprise you, but I feel good.

SG and PlayBoy's daughter, Moira have become good pals and SG spent the night there Saturday night, leaving EH and I an empty house to enjoy each other thoroughly...and we did! Thoroughly!

For lack of anything more interesting, how about some responses to recent comments?

Pretty Peanut: You didn't upset me, hon. I told you, the anger never really went away for me (so far). I'm actually okay with it. I don't let it get the best of me most of the time, but no - I'm not healed. I gave you my most honest answer but I was calm during it.

Cinderella is a lie: No, I'm not bi-polar now (maybe someday?). I wish it was that simple. I've just been through hell and I'm still finding my way. In this blog, I pour my thoughts out - but if you met me in person you would know me as this vibrant, outgoing girl with a smile always on her face who stands up well under pressure. And yes, being bi-polar IS awful when it means you alienate your family and attempt suicide. I don't see much good in it for my mother.

Samantha: I wish I could! I have a business trip to Orlando next weekend. :(

MWCB, Rob & Rosie: I hear ya...I think of you 3 like my conscience some days, lol.

What a dull post. You have my apologies for it. I owe you a much better one...

Posted by Red :: 11:15 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Ahhh, my pretty peanut...

So, in a comment pretty peanut writes, "I was given your site by leela, who told me you might have gone through what I am currently going through with my hubby. I could use some advice if you have the time.

Am I really qualified to give advice?

I stay angry. It never goes away, it only rests periodically. The moment EH and I get into a good fight I play the "you cheated" card. I hate it. He hates it. But there it is. A permanent scar that never goes away. My anger is because I was tricked, lied to, betrayed and because my naive and foolish heart was destroyed. An innocent heart doesn't grow back. Your "new heart" is one of doubt, scars and cynicism. I don't know if that's good or not. I do know that I have changed.

I don't hurt anymore. You would think that would be a good thing, but it's not. I haven't healed. I've only gone numb. I've lost that sensation of loving someone so much that a betrayal destroys you. Now I just believe in expecting to be hurt. I look around at my friends who cheat, my husband who cheated, my parents who cheated and I think "everyone cheats" and the trick is in how well you can cover your ass. I stopped believing in perfect love. Now I just believe in looking out for myself. If I see a painful situation coming my way, I plan to walk the other direction.

I don't worry anymore. The greatest lesson I have learned is that you can't force someone to be faithful. If they aren't, you eventually begin to analyze their every molecule and make a mental list of pros and cons. When the cons outnumber the pros, it's no longer worth putting up with. I stayed because my pros outnumbers the cons. If that changes at some point, I could change my mind.

I never stop thinking about revenge. I never stop wondering how he would feel. I never stop wondering if I could hurt him the way that he hurt me. I never stop wondering how he would cope.

So, am I really ideal to offer advice? I just don't know.

I've never really recovered. It's like a crippling car wreck. You may never be the same but somehow you go on...

And you will go on.

Posted by Red :: 3:56 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Emptying my junk-drawer mind

Everyone has a junk drawer, right? You know the one, you shove every little thing that has no other place in it. Eventually you have a drawer overflowing with random crap.

That's my mind.

So, let's spill in true random order. Don't expect it to make sense, just purge.

i'm working 60+ hours a week including weekends and managing by crisis because no one at my office will support the changes we all initially agreed to and i'm getting a boatload of grief for 40+ files that were in ridiculously crappy shape before i ever walked through the door and working with EH is beginning to drive me fucking batty because i never have 10 seconds of privacy and then he doesn't do simple things right and i get pissed off and he gets pissed off and maybe working together isn't such a great idea after all because i just want to run away half the time even though i love him so much that it hurts and then i was getting ready for work and this video by kelly clarkson came on called "because of you" and it struck some chord in me regarding my psycho mother and i just started crying and wasn't sure i could ever stop and i didn't let anyone see me and i didn't tell anyone which is really unlike me to hide my feelings and then i'm starting to realize that sometimes you really want something only to have it offered to you and realize you aren't so sure you want it after all but now you feel obligated and then your close friends begin to cling to you somehow and grabbyman is wanting to talk to you all the time about his problems and playboy is telling you his problems and marveling at how he can open up to you more than anyone else and meanwhile you have no one you can talk to and the stress levels are about to make you crack and your emotions are just under your skin and you just wish you could spend an entire day in pajamas in bed with a girlfriend watching movies and telling each other all the things on your mind and you know that's not really possible because you have no time and no place to do it and you just start wishing more than anything that you could be all alone for a month or two and you begin to wonder if you are going to be like your mother and go crazy and bi-polar and you're too afraid to tell anyone and you find that you hide your feelings more and more and eventually no one has a clue what's in your head because you have all this stuff that hurts but you always have this smile on your face and people think you are so happy and confident and fun and inside you just feel lost and doomed and dying but it's okay for just a second because you lost 7 lbs.

Yeah. I think I'll go to the gym and try to work some of this off. Sadly, what I did spill is only a fraction of my junk drawer mind. And the stuff you don't know is even worse.

Posted by Red :: 10:25 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"I said I'm fine..."

Yeah, you know what that means, right?

"Fine..."

Have you ever heard it and not known someone was not fine at all?

Maybe I just don't want to talk about it...

Posted by Red :: 9:09 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Weekend in Review

I've neglected you, dear bloggies. I'm sorry.

I've always wanted to be one of those girls with a ton of friends. With my cell phone ringing like mad and people happy to spend time with me. I've always wanted people to care about me and my well-being. And I'm lucky to have that now.

Friday night, EH and I took SG to a drive-in movie with PlayBoy and his wife and kids. We saw Wallace & Gromit. Cute film. We laughed, talked and had a sort of picnic. It was great.

Saturday morning, I woke and tried to go to the gym, but the cell started ringing. Gman wanted to get together with us. Then Grabby Man called. Do you remember him? He's the husband to BestFriendM but he's also my friend. We typically have a tumultuos relationship. We're close due to years of being together around the clock. I've worked for him, I've stayed with them, our kids have grown up together. I know he loves me in his way and he'd look out for me. BestFriendM was out of town camping with the kids and he wanted to hang out and talk. The divorce is drawing near and he's preparing to move out of the house. EH was catching another cold and was fine with it, so I went.

We strolled Las Olas and browsed the shops. We had lunch together and then strolled some more. We sipped wine by the river and talked. I think he left feeling much better. It was made pretty clear to me that it was important to him that we stay friends even after he and BestFriendM part ways. Grabby Man doesn't have many close friends and I'm probably his closest. In the end, I hugged him tight, he kissed my forehead and we left feeling like everything would be okay.

My mother called. I didn't answer. She left me a message saying my stepdad was in the hospital. My cell phone died, so I had to wait to come home to call her back. She called me back first. In her usual rushed way, she told me that an artery had ruptured in his nose causing a massive nosebleed and he had to have surgery. She told me what hospital and what room and then cut me off. This information was delivered to me in 10 seconds or less and without a "How are you" or "I love you". When I hung up, I thought long and hard about it. And I decided not to call her back and not to call the hospital. Mom has cut me out of her life with no rhyme or reason. No fight, no incident, no explanation - just abandonment - and I'm standing by my decision to not try to hold on to her any longer. I've tried for a year and it just fucking hurts. If she's going to be gone then she's got to stay fucking gone. End of story.

And the same applies to my stepdad. He's been my dad since I was 4 years old. Since my mother left him last January, he cut me off too to deal with his own pain. My calls to him went unanswered. My cards sent to him went ignored. In 1 year, he's called me twice. Once when I lost the baby and once a few months ago when he was drunk. He too will have to stay gone.

In the end, we did nothing Saturday night. We started shopping and I bought some seriously cute shoes. EH was feeling worse and worse by the moment and finally he pitched a fit and we went home. Reminding him that I had suggested staying home and he had insisted on going out was to no avail.

And today I did 12 loads of laundry...

Posted by Red :: 10:23 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Friday, October 07, 2005

Dream Girl

I appreciate all of your comments on the dream issues.

Basically, I have been having very vivid recurring dreams. They bother me quite a bit. They had stopped recently and when I had another Weds. night, I was extremely upset. And yes, I had another one last night. All told, I think I have had 9 in the past 2-3 weeks. They aren't scary dreams. Essentially, the problem is that they are dreams about me being "unfaithful". They're not about sex, in fact there is no sex in the dreams at all. The dreams seem to strictly center around affection. But it bothers me greatly that it's not EH. It makes me feel unfaithful and angry with myself. It makes me feel badly. It also bothers me that the dreams are recurring so frequently.

I did look them up in dream dictionary. One interpretation said "To dream that you commit adultery or have an affair, is an expression of sexual urges or self-betrayal from your subconscious. It also indicates that you will be entangled in a situation that is not in your best interest, perhaps even illegal." another said "To dream that you are cheating on your spouse, mate, or significant other, suggests feelings of self-guilt and self-betrayal. You may have compromised your beliefs or integrity and/or wasting your energy and time on fruitless endeavors. Alternatively, it reflects the intensity of your sexual passion and exploring areas of your sexuality. It is a reaffirmation of your commitment." And the last said, "To dream that you are showing your affections for someone, suggests your contentment and happiness with a current relationship. It may also indicate your need to be more affectionate to the ones you love and care about."

Essentially, I can see how the meanings are far more innocent. But still, the dreams upset me. They make me feel like I am somehow bad. Naturally I can't discuss the dreams because I don't want to "confess" them to EH, but maybe getting it out of my system now, here where it's open (even to EH) will relieve the problem? I hope so. I'm tired of feeling secretive and "icky" when I've done nothing wrong. And, if we can't control our subconscious how can I still feel so guilty?

Essentially, the dreams are mundane. Little dialogue, no sex, no drama. Just a sort of light romantic interaction. A bit like seeing a montage of scenes set to some upbeat, light-hearted love song. Weird, isn't it? I don't understand. I don't really know what it all means or how I am supposed to deal with it. I just know it bothers me a lot. When I woke Wednesday, I instantly was emotional and feeling "weepy".

Is there something wrong with me? This has never happened before...

Posted by Red :: 10:09 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Thursday, October 06, 2005

About Last Night...

It doesn't get any better. Opening night, first game of the season. Private suite, drop-dead center ice. Catered. Champagne. Wine. Beer. Food.

All my friends around me.

Game on!

It was one of those nights that you know they'd show in slow motion on The O.C. to some theme song. Laughing, cheering. Me, Even Husband, SillyGirl (daughter), BestFriendM, PlayBoy, GMan, LadyR and even my Dad... all sitting together in a private suite. The Florida Panthers challenged the Atlanta Thrashers, and I admit they were a little sloppy. Nothing like the smoothness of Sunday's preseason game. But our goalie, the omnipotent Roberto Luongo stopped everything that came at him for another shut-out. 2-0. He truly is amazing.

#55, Sean Hill once again spent most of the game in the penalty box making him emerge as my potential new favorite player. I always like the bad boys.

It was a perfect night.

On the other hand, not so much. I used to have these recurring dreams that were very problematic. They confused and upset me. They stopped and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief and here they are again. Intense, vivid dreams. I feel on the verge of tears. They disturb me so much. And no, I can't say what they're about.

Posted by Red :: 7:55 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Nip/Tuck Episode 3 Ramblings

Tell me what you don't like about yourself...

So, um...Matt's not looking so good. Or smelling so good. I guess going all Danny Bonnaduce on a tranny wasn't his wisest mood. And Christian's coming over all fatherly. Harsh. Yikes. Ohhh, nose job. This is going to be gross... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Uuuugh. Gross. No nose job for me. Shit!

(theme song: Damn, that hand still makes me jump...)

And...on a sunnier day! Christian's looking pretty hot. Yum. Who's the ass-kissing little boy? Frat boy? What the fuck??? Um...cheek to cheek? Oh, you crazy frat boys...children, have we learned anything here? Do not glue your cheek to another man's ass. And that is one hairy ass... EH points out that this would be a procedure where the brown scrubs would make sense. Bottoms up... LOL.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Oh damn, that was bad.

Ahhh, sexy shrink girl. Matt, meet your new temporary mommy? If Matt liked women, he'd be all into her. Hmmm, she's bright, isn't she? You think Sean is wondering if her little Mattie got his ass whipped by girls? I don't like her, but she is pretty, isn't she? ...aaaand the truth comes out. Sort of. They weren't cheerleaders! They were men! Men dressed like cheerleaders! Sort of...

(We'll be back after this Commercial)

Military school? Damned good idea. Send that screwed up brat away. Christian's off base here. LOL, line of the show: Oh, wise up Christian! "Our laisez-faire attitude and coddling led to him getting pissed on by a bunch of transexuals." Yep. A worry for every parent.

I still don't like this schmucky new partner. Do you think he could be the Carver? Does he check out Christian's ass? Hmmm. Um. Partying with college girls? Yeah, smart.

Nice date. Ahahahah, Kimber's got some spunk with her new friend, doesn't she? Isn't Christian the little houseboy? Orrrr not. LOL

Ew. Creepy new partner getting grabby with the little girls. And the hard partying begins. And Amber's easy. Geez. And proud of it, huh? I can't help but wonder how many guys are watching this and deciding to become plastic surgeons. And down goes Amber in the requisite episode blow job. Eww.....voyeur creepy doctor. Yikes! Scary staring. Bad, bad, bad. Between you and me, I think he's the Carver.

Cut to the Father/Son moment. Christian's being an idiot. Here, my little fucked up boy - have a supply of drugs. All better. How can someone so damned sexy be such a moron. Oh, Matt. Just come out of the closet. Whoooops! Dad fucked your post-op and let it slip! Ahahahah. Are those pills going to do anything more than help Matt commit suicide slowly?

Julia snooping? And whimpering? How obvious. I can almost here the song "Memories". Do you think Julia realizes he smells like a frat house mixer? Cheap keg beer and Amber's slut perfume? Are they fucking on Matt's bed? Isn't that kid fucked up enough?

(Commercial break)

Well, of course Matt was going to come home and find Dad doing Mom in his bed. And the meds didn't go over well, did they? I love Julia's line, "This isn't what it looks like". Um...what was it?

Stuck on You. Do you think Lionel ever fathomed his song being used in this situation? That's still not a pretty ass, is it? Yuck. Did Christian seem more jealous over Quentin going out with Sean then anything else? Is Op Room talk really on par with Locker Room talk? Yes, Christian, you're still king. Blah, blah, blah.

So, dinner for four. A very aggressive Kit. Christian isn't liking this. Kimber's a puppet. Almost literally with all the hands shoved up her. Even numbers - what could possibly go wrong with this???

Someone's been in the booze. Family meeting time.

And, sex time. Focus, Christian! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! LOL! Quentin made his move, didn't he? Ahahahahahah! Feeling used, Christian? Okay - who's still in the mood? Hey! All that teaching Kimber to stick up for herself seems to have worked, didn't it? See ya, Kit. She'll be trouble in the future, won't she? I just can't stomach the Christian/Kimber match. I suppose they're perfect for each other though. Betcha Kit and Quentin team up.

Ah, the show moral is revealed. Three's don't work. As Quentin is about to see. Yeah, he's a schmuck.

Family dinner meeting time! Are these parental figures really confused here? Is it a major wonder that Matt is in this condition? Whoa. Scuffle! Sure, let's add child abuse to the mix. Nice shot, though, Sean.

(Commercial)

And next week, the complete mind-fuck of Matt goes on. Another Carver victim. Christian deals with pain. Lots of sick drama...you just can't help watching, can you?

Posted by Red :: 10:01 PM :: | ---------------------------------------

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Deeper

Did you ever read your horoscope for 'tomorrow' and think, Oh shit... because you knew exactly what it meant? Knew you'd brought it on yourself and wondered how it would all play out?

Did you ever think about all those books and movies where the hero has to hit rock bottom before s/he can turn their life into some amazing thing and then try to head for rock bottom so you could begin your own ascent?

Ever question your own sanity?

Ever wish you could force an epiphany?

If you could step into the "shoes" of another blogger, who would it be?
And why?

Posted by Red :: 10:30 PM :: | --------------------------------------- My Sunday Catharsis

First of all, it was comfortable. Secluded. Dimly lit and positioned in the ideal center of the action.

Tbe brisk chill quickly turned my nose and cheeks to cool. The sounds around me filled me with exhilaration. The lights dimmed and an overblown blonde who clearly sees herself as Britney Spears' long lost twin took her position and belted out the national anthem with eardrum bursting pitches.

And then, it was time. I clutched my hands, I leaned forward...and I burst into tears.

The Florida Panthers took the ice in front of me for the first time in years. Damn, I've missed hockey.

Let me describe our private box suite to you. Private restroom. Dining table and chairs. Two rows of seats plus a bar. DEAD CENTER ICE. Inches from my fingertips is the game announcer and the tv cameras. One level down, the team owner sits in his box exactly beneath me. It's pretty fucking amazing.

The Panthers beat the Tampa Bay Lightening 4-0 in a perfect shut-out. There were a few minor scuffles, but mainly peaceful ice time. The amazing thing about our score is that 80% of the game was a Tampa Power Play as one by one our Panthers did time in the penalty box. The refs were trying to make their points by calling everything in tbese pre-season games.

After each period, a uniformed attendant delivered the statistics of the period and every player to our box.

I guess you might say it was heaven...

Season opener is Wednesday night. You can be sure I won't be missing it.

Posted by Red :: 8:20 PM :: | --------------------------------------- Has anyone seen...?

A tall guy, balding in the back of his head, roughly unshaven look. He's a heavyset guy with a perpetually reddish face. Reminds you of a giant teddy bear?

We lost him last night. I'm getting a bit worried about him.

Dgirl didn't make it, but EH, myself and Gman headed out. We settled into Tarpon Bend with cocktails and soon the live music started. We had intended to leave and walk over to The Poorhouse, but the band was hot and we stayed. Great song sets - lots of 80s hits that had us cheering and dancing.

An annoyingly perky and endlessly talkative girl to me left was the culprit. Overweight, bubbly beyond reason, dark hair, possibly asian or hispanic background in her genes. She was in town from Dallas (never trust those Texans) for a convention and took to me like we were BEST friends. At first it was fun, then it got irritating because I couldn't shake her. Finally, she made her move on Gman. She is a masseuse who owns a massage company and offered him a massage. He swore it would be nothing more and when she was in the restroom told us he was going to hate us for the rest of our lives. Apparently he couldn't say no or shake her either.

Anyway, he made me write down all my phone #'s and my address. His car is parked in my driveway. I offered to come pick him up. He begged me to do just that. Said he'd call.

He's been gone since 12:30. I'm calling his cell and getting no answer. I lost a Gman.

Besides the Missing Persons report I may have to file and the possible abduction, we had fun. We danced and sang and yes, the night culminated in hot sex. EH and I talked a bit at the bar about the sex life thing and his perception is that I'm wrong and our sex life is fine. I would disagree. The bottom line is that I love him, so whatever it is, it is...and I'll have to find a way to work with it.

And, if you happen to spot Gman - please leave a comment below. Don't even suggest that he's happy and in love because Gman is incapable of happiness and I can assure you he's NOT in love. He is, however, my darling Gman and I would like him back immediately.

UPDATE: Around 10 am, G-man was spotted by an alert EH doing the walk-of-shame up our driveway. His hopes of escaping unnoticed were dashed as I flew out the door to scold him. And to point out that I had written "Gman Did Dallas" all over his windshield in lipstick surrounded by kiss prints (and had thoughtfully left behind a trial sized package of glass cleaning wipes for him).

It seems love did bloom in the night. The fleeting, don't call me-I'll call you, let's pretend this never happened sort of love. I refused to be sworn to secrecy (I can't wait to tell PlayBoy) but I did promise that in the retelling I would make the girl super hot.

Posted by Red :: 9:16 AM :: | ---------------------------------------

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Saturday Night Special

After working all day and accomplishing infinitely less than I had hoped, the night has developed into a night of plans.

SG will spend the night with friends and EH and I will go out on the town with Gman and Dgirl. Fun, sure. I hope. I'm praying we can NOT spend the night talking about work. I'm also praying it's an early enough night to lead to some skin time for EH and I. If I had my way, we'd just stay home with SG out for the night and play together. A lot. Maybe go to a strip club, something arousing...

Do you ever wonder about what life holds in store for you? I feel like something is just around the corner and I should be preparing. I hope it's a good something. I hope I know it when I see it. I hope I make the right choices.

I hope the night is fun. I hope EH and I have a wonderful time.

I hope I can stay awake!

Posted by Red :: 7:03 PM :: | --------------------------------------- October's Here!

October is my absolutely favorite month...the change from summer heat to autumn warmth, the spices, the colors, the drop in humidity, pumpkins, the food and of course, Halloween.

I'm so thrilled today is the start of October. I always feel like the year begins for me now. Halloween, EH's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, Valentine's Day, my anniversary and SG's birthday - it's all within the next 6 months...and then the following 6 months are just long.

Oh yeah...and there's hockey. HOCKEY!!! It's back! And we have center ice VIP box seats for tomorrow's preseason game (and the season!) The perks of this new job are just plain sweet. It helps that my new boss, LadyR, apparently used to date a player and is a major hockey fan herself.

Go enjoy your Saturday, bloggie.

Posted by Red :: 10:56 AM :: | ---------------------------------------