Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The One

What can I say that EH didn't cover in his post below? Only "ditto". I tend to not pay as much attention to the interactions of S&M because it makes me sad. I love them, I know that they could be great together - but there has been so much damage done over the years. They never suffered a crisis of marriage, they just slowly grew to resent one another until the walls between them truly appear to be indestructable. Part of me wishes they'd split so they could be happy. Part of me wishes I could fix it. I can't.

EH is right about us. We've been together for 12 years - married for nearly 10. We hold hands, we snuggle, we laugh, we grope, we hug at every opportune moment. We're close. You can see it from a mile away. I'm sure to an outsider, we'd look like people in the young stages of love as opposed to an "old" married couple. We're very lucky.

I heard a song today called "How to Deal" and it caught my ear. It talked about how to cope when the love of your life is with someone else. I can't even imagine it. Part of being so madly in love is a deep fear of "what if".

Every day I worry that EH might be in an accident or hurt himself. Somewhere in my mind, I think I would just shut down if anything ever happened to him. I never really thought about him loving someone else. That probably sounds weird considering the 'cyber affair' drama of last year, but I have come to understand that he truly saw it as entertainment and had no emotions involved. There was never a doubt that he could love someone else. And I hope that there never is.

Beyond You & Me has a chapter posted that asks if you recognize "the one great love" when it arrives. My answer is yes, yes, yes. My first words to EH were "You'll make someone a good husband someday". And he has. I was drawn to him. Every moment I got to know him better found me falling just a bit more. It seemed like it took ages, but our relationship really was a whirlwind. We were living together less than 6 months after becoming involved. It was natural. Circumstances took us fast but it never felt rushed. It felt right.

My smile is brighter with EH. I am safe in his arms. I am happy to lie beside him. If we are in the same room, odds are good that we will touch once or twice every minute or two. A brush of a hand, a kiss, a squeeze of a bottom.

I know full well how lucky I am. How lucky WE are. We didn't earn this. We don't deserve it more than the next couple. We just got very, very lucky. And I thank my stars every single day.

A special shout-out to Dr. Lance - his baby girl was born on Sunday! He's a brand new Daddy!

If you've got a minute to spare, head over to Beyond You & Me and take the anonymous sex survey!

Posted by Red :: 6:54 PM :: | ---------------------------------------