Friday, March 04, 2005
If I only painted pretty pictures for you, this wouldn't be a true accounting of life.
Last night was just icky.
You have to understand I have been under intense pressure at work. I haven't been feeling my best and I've been tired, stressed and run down. So it's not a huge surprise that last night I blew my top at EH. I had asked him to fix dinner since I had done so every other night, allowing him to write in peace and I needed some time for just me. I had already started the meal (a simple one) and all he had to do was finish it. He did, but he left a good portion of it out and when I went to get a plate I was forced to stand there and continue cooking while EH sat down and ate and I missed a show I was wanting to watch. I got ticked off and stepped outside for a few minutes and came back in to see he had turned my show off now.
Some days I just feel like it would be nice if he took as good care of me as I do of him. I feel like I go out of my way to meet his needs and to give him time and tools to help him...and in return I get none back. He knows how hard I am working and it would have been so appreciated to feel...well, appreciated! To have him recognize how hard I work or how exhausted I am and to just be allowed to sit back and relax.
Nope. Didn't happen.
On another note, I do have fascinating stuff to impart.
I have a new friend. Sort of. I'll call him G-man. G-man is the brother of my very best friend and he has come to town. Despite many years of friendship, I had no idea he existed. Upon meeting him, EH and I really like him! He's chock full of fascinating stuff and we have great conversations. G-man is the one who did the numerology last weekend while I read tarot.
G-man has introduced me to Hemi-sync. All I can say is WOW...my mind is blown. He gave me two cd's and I kicked back last night before bed to 'meditate' to it. Holy smokes. First of all, you know how you hear people talk about "inner voices" or the "voice in the back of your mind"? Well, they're there. And this cd tunes out the mental "chatter" and lets you experience perfect clarity. And your inner voice begins to speak with you. It's wild stuff. I am dying to give it to EH and see if he has the same reactions. It put me to sleep after 30 minutes or so (which felt like hours), but not before I experienced some incredible sensations, thoughts, ideas and insights. At one point, I was actually explaining to my 'conscious' self how my anger over dinner was disproportionate to the situation and that my anger was really over broader things (like last year's internet infidelity incident).
Hey, you always suspected I'd hear voices, right?
I'm eager to explore this more.
Posted by Red ::
5:37 PM ::