Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Brighter

Coming to terms...

Last night, tired and lying in bed beside EH after discussing what we need to do about the troubles in our path, damage control and whatnot. EH wrote his post, asked me to read it and then we sat to discuss. I caved and smoked a cigarette (I quit New Years) on the front step in the brisk cold night air. My insides were just vibrating with emotions and I craved something - anything - to calm my nerves. EH revealed his own nerves when he took it from me and inhaled deeply a couple times. Me worried over what should be done. Him worried over me.

We talked in that way that only two very close people can talk. I spoke freely of my confusion of the emotions I have. The intense hatred inside me unlike any ugly feeling I have experienced, my worries that he'll hurt me again, how I'm grateful it happened because it brought us back together and made us closer and stronger than ever but I'm also hurt and angry that it happened at all. We spoke of how it came to happen so quickly...the troubles between EH and I were new and had only been issues for a matter of a few months. We shared our feelings, our thoughts, our worries, our pain.

And then we just wrapped our arms around each other and held on. We talked about how much we love one another and how strong we feel now together.

For the very ugly and bitter and painful path, it really is a better place to be.

Posted by Red :: 7:30 AM :: | ---------------------------------------