Monday, January 09, 2006

A Shade of Blue

Feeling blue is still the norm for me and today being Monday does nothing to improve that outlook.

The weekend beyond King Tut was, for the most part uneventful. Sunday, PC and I woke and said we wanted to claim the day for ourselves! We made a big pancake breakfast for us & SG and just as we sat down, Ex called and PC disappeared into another room for 30 minutes while SG and I ate alone. I wasn't thrilled and told him that it bothered me. I felt that both SG and I had been extremely respectful of any time he speaks to Ex or spends time with Ex/Kids and I just wanted some respect for our side too. There was no reason not to say "Hey, I'm having breakfast can I call you back in a few minutes?" PC agreed and apologized so there was no reason to quarrel.

We took SG to a park and sat on a bench while she played. We talked about business ideas and ways to start a business. We'd latch onto one idea and beat it into the ground until it either died or thrived. By evening we hit upon an idea that could actually work and we're both exploring it.

Today, PC held a phone interview with a large company that he wants to work for in the meanwhile. He got the offer and is flying to Chicago for 7 days. Great! Only, it's on my birthday. And PC has this history of cheating on business trips. And all I have to do is think about it and I feel sick inside.

So, my birthday will be a lonely one. Much deserved I am sure. It's the same night EH has SG, so not even my daughter will be around. My sister, newly engaged, has a bridal show with my stepmother and we won't even mention my mother, will we? So, I will most definitely be alone. And grumpy. And feeling awfully sorry for myself.

I wouldn't dream of telling PC not to go but I feel entitled to pout just a bit. Times are really hard right now and I've been battling a mean case of the blues for weeks now, so dumping me alone on my birthday just plain sucks no matter how you square it.

And so, I feel a little blue-r.

Things just don't seem to work right now. I keep trying to believe they will work out, but I feel like I'm in this downward spiral and I don't know what to do.

Something has to give.

Posted by Red :: 1:52 PM :: | ---------------------------------------