Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Nobody in Love

I am nobody special. Beyond a small circle of the world, no one knows my name. In 60 or so years, only a person or two will even know that I ever existed. And that’s alright.

I’ve done nothing monumental in my 32 years. I probably won’t find a cure for any disease or solve any age old riddle. No elementary school will be named for me. No book will be written about me. I don’t have much money, and in all likelihood, I never will.

But I have been lucky to experience truly great love.

We fight. We bicker and we quarrel and every now and again we have a truly magnificent argument.

We get on each others nerves. There are times he’s a smartass and annoys me beyond reason. There are days I’m a pain in the ass and make him grit his teeth. A lot.

But I do believe, with all of my heart that we are lucky to have great love. I say this with no bragging rights - I've certainly not done anything to deserve it. I'm just very lucky. I believe he’ll still be beside me in 60 or so years. I believe we’ll still bicker and quarrel and irritate one another. But I also believe we’ll still be holding hands, laughing and looking into each others eyes and whispering sweet things. I believe we’ll still find peace in holding on to one another.

They write books about great love. Songs, movies, poems. And in all of them, I find pieces of us. I find parallels and similarities. Some times they are so close that they could be our story. But I always find pieces of us.

If it’s a choice between an easier life with money and comfort and the love I have now, then the choice is already made. My husband is my home. Wherever we go, whatever town we decide to move to, whatever life we find will be wonderful because all I need is to be with him.

There are couples all around me every day that haven’t been as lucky. They married someone that they love, but they always seem to feel as if they are missing out on something. They’re always looking for something more. They are happy, but not as happy as they’d like to be. More than anything, they are comfortable at best.

I had that once. A man I loved and was comfortable with. I thought that was love. I thought that was what I was supposed to be content with. I agreed to be his wife. Somehow, at the very last minute, that spark struck between EH and I and I suddenly knew without a doubt exactly what I would be giving up if I stayed and married that man. It was more than I could ever walk away from…and I didn’t just walk, I ran. That man, the first man was a good man. Later, when we spoke about it – he understood. He was kind. He was a friend. He loved me and was good to me, but he knew I’d never be satisfied by staying. I may have run, but he also let me go. Even he could see the change. My family was understandably shocked. There were those who thought I had lost my mind. It was my wicked stepmother who spotted it first. "Look at her smile. Look at her eyes," she said, "I have never seen her look that way." And that was it. My entire family leaned towards me and studied my smile and eyes for a minute and decided I was truly in love.

I remember a time when the greatest dream EH and I shared was to sit quietly and watch television together for as long as we wanted. To wake up each morning to each other. To read in bed beside each other. And all of those dreams have come true.

Next week will be our wedding anniversary. Many years have been spent together as husband and wife. There have been good times and there have been some bad times. The good are far more plentiful than the bad. There have also been some incredible times. Nights talking on the beach until nearly dawn. Nights tracing the contours our each other’s faces and bodies. Days full of the kind of smile that makes your face hurt.

If I had the choice between fame, fortune and greatness and experiencing truly great love – I’d still choose love all over again.

My soul mate sleeps by my side each night. What more could I ever want?

Posted by Red :: 8:43 AM :: | ---------------------------------------