Monday, December 06, 2004

60 Hours

60 hours. As I write this it has been 60 hours since EH’s grand mal seizure. He went back to work today in true EH fashion, but he’s just not himself. He’s quieter and has less energy. His muscles hurt him, but he doesn’t complain a bit. And he keeps fretting over the worried look on my face.

In 60 hours, I have been relentless. If he takes a deep breath, I am staring with rapt attention to be sure he’s okay. Last night I was in a cold sweat because he was still not asleep by midnight and the idea of him being tired enough to have another seizure had me in a panic. Tonight, I postponed decorating the Christmas tree for another night because he still seemed quiet and I’m worried that it will tire him out.

For 60 hours I have driven EH crazy. Hell, I have driven myself crazy. The images keep flashing in my mind. The contorted look of agony and pain on his face. His scream. The violent convulsions with the terrible sounds coming from him. The blood on his face. The color of his face when he stopped breathing. The moment I thought he was dead. It’s just all there in my head over and over again.

And I am making him crazy. I guess it will take a little more time for me to get over it.

Posted by Red :: 9:26 PM :: | ---------------------------------------