Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The post I didn't know I would write.

I didn't know that I would write this post.

I watched a situation unfold this morning that somewhat mirrors what I went through with EH last year, to a much lesser extent. But I can actually feel the pain through my computer screen. I saw her comment first. And putting 2 and 2 together, knew what had happened. I saw the Google search that led her to my page and knew what she was looking for. She wouldn't find it on my page, but she has to look. She has to know it all.

I still look sometimes.

And remembering it brought back all the things I went through last year when I discovered some things that hurt.

And it brought me full circle to today...to looking around me and realizing how much better my life is now. How that horrible, awful, painful experience brought me to a life and a marriage that I am enamored with. How we could not have gotten back here without going through the pain first.

And, in an interesting "full circle" twist - I read the blog of the woman EH had his "relationship" with. And I read the blog of her new, very married, boyfriend. She's in "love". She says he is too, although his blog today read more like a juicy porn entry than a romantic declaration of love. If she is in love, then karma has come full circle. Because he has repeatedly declared that he has no intention of leaving his wife. She will never know what it is to share your whole life - committed to each other - the way that EH and I do. If it's really love...real love (and I hope that it is) - then she's stuck forever being "the other woman". She'll spend important holidays without him. She'll be stuck thriving on the scraps of time he can make for her when his wife and son aren't with him. She'll always be his dirty little secret.

I've closed that chapter now, even as I watch a similar saga be born into another blogger's life. I worry for that blogger and that blogger's spouse. But I also have hope for them. Hope that they will find there way to the other side of the pain, where EH and I found things are so much better...

And I find that I don't even hate her anymore. Because in the end...I won.

Posted by Red :: 9:22 AM :: | ---------------------------------------