Thursday, December 16, 2004

What is love/marriage/sex?

So, dear reader, I am analyzing things in my head and trying to rationalize life. I ask you - for your opinion - what is love/marriage/sex and how do they all relate?

If my husband's sex drive has been entirely compromised, does it mean he is not attracted to me? In one sense, this would be true, but you have to add that it's a result of medication causing this problem. Doesn't help me much though. I just feel completely unwanted and sad.

Can you have a marriage or be in love without sex? Every blog I read that seems to reference sex troubles in the marriage includes torrid affairs. Am I supposed to become one of those people who seek it outside the marriage? EH would never understand that and I would never even want to think about a man besides EH. I've broken a dozen hearts to get to EH and to this day he is the only man I want to make love to. When I entertain a sexual fantasy...it's always EH. Other men just don't excite me. No one knows my body like EH...no one knows what I like and don't like and what buttons to push like EH.

What will come of all of this? I'm walking around in a blue funk feeling rejected and unwanted because EH has no interest in me anymore. I feel like a toy that was played with enthusiastically and then stuffed in the dark corners at the back of a closet and left forgotten. I keep trying to convince myself that this is the medication causing this, but it's not solving the problem. And it's still hurting.

If I truly am faced with a marriage where sex is not a welcomed part of our life, what then? Can I handle that - me of the abnormally high sex drive? Can I remain faithful or will I melt like butter at the first time some scruffy stranger accidentally bumps my ass in the elevator after months of not being touched?

Really...I need to know. What does my future hold? I love EH. I do not want anyone BUT EH. I want to be a good wife to him. I want my marriage back. If it's really going to remain in this state for eternity - can I handle it? Or will I stay in depressed mode. Can I be happy if I feel rejected and unwanted?

Santa, please, please, please bring my EH back to me.

Posted by Red :: 1:18 PM :: | ---------------------------------------