Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Romance

As the holiday cycle begins to ramp up to OCD levels on television it is time to gird yourself for the fusillade of festive imagery that is about to pour into our homes. One recent night The Odd One and I were subjected to just such an ad, and the stark interpretations by each of us are a testament to the differences of the male and female minds.

If you have not seen the following spot don’t fret—you will before the calendar wraps up. It is shot in black-and-white, showing a couple in one of those fundamentally romantic European locales, like Trevi Fountain, or such. The man peels away from his date to shout out to the masses how much he loves his companion, and then he turns to her to offer a gift. She sees a new diamond ring and she swoons, and sweeping into his arms. Sitting beside me TOW says, “Awww—that was romantic.” I look at her in disbelief. Romantic? Hardly.

Men, how many share my interpretation? After kiting over to the continent for a vacation this guy gets a dose of passion in his veins and spreads his arms as he shouts out to the gentry:

“I-LOVE-this –woman!”

At his bleating a flock of pigeons takes flight and a number of locals turn to see what this American is yelping about. The woman is actually mortified by this romantic display (watch her closely next time it runs.) She gets embarrassed and then pulls at the guy, trying to get him in line in a gesture that says, “Hank! People are looking at us!” Seeing his ploy fail he has to resort to plan-B, and reaches into his coat. He cracks open a now familiar black velvet box and only upon seeing the ring with a stone big enough to serve as a tree ornament does she now properly swoon--except she isn’t willing to make as grand a gesture as her beau. After shelling out for a trip, and a ring that has the value of a third-world economy, she is so moved she has to lean in close to whisper her love into his ear, in case someone is watching.

I say if this was a romantic scene she would have been thrilled at his grand display of public affection. Instead she was consumed with how everyone was looking at them and he had to buy her off in order to garner a similar, albeit muted, reaction from her.

I have the sense that this woman is not content to lay down with her man late at night as they laugh together while making fun of a bad movie recently picked up from Blockbuster. In this way I am a most lucky man.

Posted by Anonymous :: 8:26 AM :: | ---------------------------------------