Friday, February 04, 2005

I know, I know...

You're wondering what the heck happened that put me in such a negative spot, right?

Nothing really.

EH has been wonderful. He's not misbehaving or mistreating me. The truth is that I just looked around and realized in the past 10 months I have lost mother, father, sister and nearly husband all to affairs.

And truthfully, I feel really alone. I don't believe in people right now at all. I feel as if I need to learn to push people away before they walk away.

I believe people are only out for themselves. I believe they can say they love you while simulataneously plotting ways to deceive you.

I believe honesty in a person is about as rare as winning lottery tickets.

I believe I've grown up in a world full of bullshit romantic propaganda, only to suddenly have those beliefs shattered. And I just don't know where to go from here.

Do I accept this as reality and just work to harden my heart against future pains? Do I try to be optimistic and believe it's just a spot of bad luck? Do I become a recluse and hide out from interacting with people? Do I become a cheater too?

What's the point of a marriage in this world today? If people can't be faithful, why are we bothering to have marriages at all?

Posted by Red :: 1:44 PM :: | ---------------------------------------