Friday, February 04, 2005

Why do men cheat? (From iVillage)

by Abby Schwartz and Eileen Livers
Like it or not men cheat. iVillage members get to the bottom of this issue

They have wandering eyes. They're obsessed with Page 3. They come home from one-too-many late nights at the 'office'; with lipstick on their collars. To whatever degree, men do cheat and they do it more than women. In the original Kinsey Report, published more than 50 years ago, approximately 60 per cent of men, compared to 30 per cent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40. Those numbers have remained much the same in subsequent studies. The bottom line is why do men cheat?iVillagers believe men cheat for the following five reasons:

1. SEX.
Men just can't control their eyes, hands and ...

'Women need a reason to have an affair, men just need a place' - go_getter

'Men will cheat if given the opportunity. They are just like that! They can be happy in their relationship and life, but if the opportunity to cheat is there, they will do it! I really believe they can't help it.' - ldrake5477

'I asked my boyfriend why men cheat.... He said, 'Men do it for sex'. He said that a man can have sex with another woman and not feel anything for her' - pismotam

2. Quick Fix.
Although sneaking around takes a lot of effort, many iVillagers believe that more effort is required to salvage a rocky relationship.

'People have affairs because they are lazy. It is easier to go running off with the office tramp than it is to admit something is wrong with your relationship and make a commitment to work on it' - jesusfreak1

'I think if people took half the time and effort they put into sneaking around and channelled that energy into making a great marriage or relationship, they would realise that, most of the time, what they are looking for has always been with them.' - who_dat

'Sometimes the thought of divorcing and changing everyone's lives is much too hard to handle. So the easier choice is an affair. I don't think it's the right choice, but most people will take the easier road, thinking no one will be hurt because they are keeping the marriage and family intact. - lovestargazer

. The fragile male ego.
We all like to be complimented by the opposite sex and, according to many iVillage women, that's the ground for most men's affairs.

'My now ex-husband not only cheated on me but on every former lover, girlfriend and wife (one before me) with whom he was involved. It was an emotional thing. He had to prove to himself that he was attractive and appreciated by women. It was his way of judging himself and his own self worth. - laughingagain

'I think unfaithfulness goes hand in hand with low self-worth. Cheaters seek approval or fulfilment in the eyes of another person when they should be looking within themselves.' - weasy71

'I think it has a lot more to do with how the cheater fells about his/her self, rather than how the cheater feels about his/her spouse.' - lee_823

4. To Fill a Void.
Many iVillagers concluded that men cheat because they are not satisfied with their relationships. When something is missing, be it regular sex or healthy communication, men try to fill this gap with an affair.

'Just like women, men cheat when there is something lacking in a relationship. The wife may not even see what's missing. Maybe the man wants kinkier sex and is afraid to ask, or has already been turned down. Maybe he's cheating with another woman who doesn't nag him.' - barrysgal

'My husband and I had problems, and he tried to solve them with someone else. It didn't solve them - it just made them worse.' - djb61

'I guess, in a nutshell, the reason why a spouse cheats is because he/she feels alone.' - olivepop

5. They're Selfish. ,br>Whether they're immature, greedy or just haven't got a clue, some men don't value or respect their partners, say iVillagers.

'Sometimes people cheat in a marriage because they are not mature enough to understand and live by their vows.' - meanmommy

'Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a relationship with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter.' - nura_p

'Somehow we've become so convinced about what we're entitled to that we have completely lost sight of what we are responsible for. It doesn't matter who gets hurt, as long as we get what we want.' - juliewho

'I believe some people are so needy they devour their partner's love and move on.' - a2zx3

....the end

The most shocking thing for me was when I clicked on the message board to glance around. There were thousands of women with their stories. Some new, some posting after 17 months or more...all miserable.

What the fuck?

I have completely lost my faith in humankind.

Posted by Red :: 1:28 PM :: | ---------------------------------------